thoughts on childrens' conflicts

[MissRubyandKen]

My dd5 and ds4 are each others' main playmates. My dp and I play with them and they have two cousins who visit frequently, as well as several neighbor kids they play with and they play alone, but on a daily basis they play with each other more. Conflicts do arise and they mostly figure them out without my intervention. Sometimes they call for me, sometimes they don't. Sometimes I'm more of a witness, sometimes I lend suggestions. Occasionally a conflict will get very intense in which my dd may yell or my ds may hit.
Usually their conflicts arise because they both want something different to happen at a particular moment. Now most of the time they come to an agreement on their own, but as to the times when it becomes intense I'm thinking there is likely an underlying reason why. I think it is usually different on a case by case basis, sometimes someone is hungry or tired or sick or they have just been playing with each other for a very extended amount of time. Now what I'm wondering is what other people say or do in these instances. Its important to me to stay respectful and mindful of their ability to resolve most conflicts on their own, while intervening when things get intense. Just wondering if anyone has any thoughts on this. I have been thinking alot about this for a couple days now.

[AntoninBeGonin]

I think it sounds like you're doing a great job.

~Nay

[maya44]

What do you mean by "intense" ?

[MissRubyandKen]

Well by intense I mean occasionally when my dc have a conflict either my dd will yell or my ds will hit. I was wondering if any moms here are around children when this happens and what they do when it does. Its really been on my mind alot for the past few days for several reasons. My dc have had a cold for a few days and have had more than the usual amount of escalated conflicts and because I've been given advice from several family members I'm not willing to follow. My grandma visited and my ds hit dd while she was here. She said she would have whacked his butt and made him sit and then he wouldn't do it again. My mom called and I was telling her I was a little frustrated and I was telling her how they've been fighting more than usual and she told me to tell them they couldn't play together anymore if they couldn't get along. She said to make it all day. I told her they always make up right after and are back to playing. She said well set a timer and make it thirty minutes. And my sister heard my dd yell when I was on the phone with her the next day and she told me I should start grounding my dd(5!) and taking 'privileges' away from her. I am NOT willing to do any of those things. I actually thought there was nothing really abnormal about their conflicts being intense at times. Maybe I am wrong? I guess I was hoping some moms here might share what is 'normal' for their kids as well as what they do if situations become intense for the kids. It seems my family have more adversarial relationships with children than I wish to. I don't see this as I need to control the kids to keep them from fighting, more like help them through the conflicts when they need it. Maybe they wouldn't fight in front of me if I whacked them, but having them not have conflicts is not my goal and I definitely feel resentments for myself and each other would be harbored. My dc are like best friends and I'd love for it to stay that way. Ok it's late and I'm rambling!