Disciline of our Children and Others?

[ThinkBlu]

Is it ever approipriate to discipline capable adults? Has any adult ever 'disiciplined' or attempted to discipline you?

Note-I'm talking about human relationships, not the legal system or even job related performance management stuff.

In my opinion, it is our responsibility to discipline our children, granted gently Beyond that, I don't think it approipriate to discipline capable adults.

[annamama]

My MIL attempts this most of the time she interracts with (at?!) me.

Needless to say, as she uses shaming and humiliation techniques to drive her points home to me, and is subsequently loving and kind when the visit ends, I am confused by her need to control me and belittle my beliefs and opinions when it appears she actually quite likes me.
I don't think she realises that people can think and communicate whatever they like and that it is not an attack on opposing beliefs.
She 'disciplined' dh in this classic controlling fashion and tends to 'tell people off' regardless of who they are.
She has taught me that this behaviour is all about her, not anyone else and so spurred me on during pregnancy to research gentler ways to raise ds having seen this approach in action.

I wish I could tell her how much I despise being 'told off'; sadly, I probably will one day and it might be more firmly that I would have liked...

[captain crunchy]

I don't get what the OP means... could you elaborate?

Do you mean for example, say, chastising someone for hitting their child in public?

Right or wrong, I would still do it. I don't consider something like that to be "disciplining" someone, I consider it advocating for a child who is being physically assaulted. I don't know if those were the kinds of examples you were referring to...

I don't think it is my place to discipline anyone really...but I would step in on situations where someone was being hurt...

[ThinkBlu]

Originally Posted by captain crunchy

I don't get what the OP means... could you elaborate?

Do you mean for example, say, chastising someone for hitting their child in public?

No, I'm not talking about chastising someone for hitting their child. Although if you think chastising an adult = discipline, and you think is appropriate, then feel free to state that. I was hoping this could be a bit more broad, just about discipline in general.

To elaborate, I have several times seen someone post something to the effect, "why would it be approprate to discipline a child in a way not approipriate to discipline an adult", i.e., you wouldn't send your spouse on a 'time out', why your child?...and it just got me to wondering whether or not, or in what ways, disciplining an adult would ever be appropriate?

[BellinghamCrunchie]

I think this is a great topic and it raises all kinds of philosophical issues. For example, in the book The Road Less Traveled Scott Peck says that to love another person (like a spouse) means that you try to give them what they need to grow into the healthiest person they can be. This could also be a definition of discipline, I guess.

But that raises other issues. In order to "give a person what they need to grow into the healthiest person they can be," I think you first have to judge them: determine what is lacking and then try to fix it, lovingly. Well, what right have we to judge another adult, and then it seems rather arrogant to try to fix it.

But then on the other hand, if my DH leaves his socks laying all over the house, I don't wash them. I only wash the ones in the clothes hamper. So he will eventually run out of socks. I guess that is a form of discipline. Or maybe its just natural consequences.

[captain crunchy]

To elaborate, I have several times seen someone post something to the effect, "why would it be approprate to discipline a child in a way not approipriate to discipline an adult", i.e., you wouldn't send your spouse on a 'time out', why your child?...and it just got me to wondering whether or not, or in what ways, disciplining an adult would ever be appropriate?

Oh, okay.

Well, I wouldn't send my child to time out, so I wouldn't do that to an adult either....

However, setting your own personal boundries is not discipline to me. In other words, the above example of the socks. To me it is completely within the realm of personal boundries or limits to say to one's partner "look, they are your socks and I have no problem washing them, but I honestly don't like hunting through the whole house to find them and that is not something I am willing to do anymore....I would appreciate it if you put your socks in the hamper"...

There you have provided information, you haven't yelled or threatened or nagged or punished or guilted.... you have simply stated your case as it were....

If he chose not to put his socks away, no clean socks is in fact a natural consequence imo...

[lilyka]

My friends and I refer to it as sharpening each other. but we already have a realtionship of trust and mutual respect and do feel it is our responsiblitity to call each other out on our bahvior if we are acting out in ways that are inapporpriate. I would use extreme caution if it was someone I was not close to.

[Dar]

Discipline is teaching, at its root. So I pretty much "discipline" adults and children in the same ways. I say things like, "Our border collie is scared of new people, so it's better if you let her come to you rather than walking after her to pet her. She'll usually come over and let you pet her if you start petting the other dog"

and "We don't wear shoes in our house - could you put yours in that shoe basket, please?"

and so on... I would probably be more insistent on the first issue than the second, but age wouldn't matter.

Dar