Behavior chart / reward chart

[amandajf]

I've been watching the super nanny shows and they have some awesome ideas for behavior charts. One was a magnetic board covered with blue bubble wrapping paper. they took magnets and glued them to fish and the fish were the reward "tokens". On another family they took little flower pots, put styrofoam in them and used fake flowers as the rewards. they'd stick them in the foam like a potted flower.

We have been using poker chips, but it's a pain. I'd like help coming up with ideas similiar to the above that is easy to access, pleasing to the eye enough to where we can keep it out in the open) and something 4, 6 and 9 year old girls would like (Ie: not dinosaurs or something).

tia!

[Kira's mom]

I recently read Unconditional Parenting and it was very against this type of system. It may give children the idea that they're only loved when they do something 'good'. I don't know enough about this 'reward system' but i don't think it is something that we will do in our house,but we also don't punish, do time out or any of the other things they do on that show either.i know it may work for some families and I'm not putting it down. Just thought I'd throw in my .02 cents.

[PatchyMama]

A great book that addresses this issue:

Punished By Rewards: The Trouble with Gold Stars, Incentive Plans, A's, Praise, and Other Bribes

[amandajf]

thanks

Everyone has their own opinions when it comes to raising kids.

Thanks for sharing, but I really am looking for a more creative way to do the reward system that I can keep in my living area but not look tacky.

[amandajf]

For what it is worth..

From Library Journal
Kohn, the author of other iconoclastic books, among them You Know What They Say: The Truth About Popular Beliefs ( LJ 8/90), here shows how rewards of all sorts undermine our efforts to teach students, manage workers, and raise children. Although aimed at a general audience, the book is based on extensive research and documented with almost 100 pages of notes and references. The first six review the behaviorist tradition and lay out in a clear and convincing manner Kohn's central argument that "pop behaviorism" is dangerously prevalent in our society. Here Kohn discusses why rewards, including praise, fail to promote lasting behavior change or enhance performance and frequently make things worse. The remaining six chapters examine the effect of rewards and alternatives to them in companies, schools, and the home. Recommended for all types of libraries.
- Mary Chatfield, Angelo State Univ., San Angelo, Tex.
Copyright 1993 Reed Business Information, Inc.--This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.




I notice this includes praise. Although I've not read this book, I think that's a crock of balogna. What kid doesn't look to having their mom or dad praise them for a job well done?

[PatchyMama]

there have actually been many discussions here about praise.... i am not sure you will find many here that are for reward charts and praise but I hope you find what you are looking for

[BellinghamCrunchie]

When I was little, I wanted to be a cub scout so BAD because I loved the idea of earning merit badges. I never really came to grips with the fact that you had to be a BOY.

I still love tangible evidence of accomplishment. I like to look at the pictures I have painted, the pots I have thrown (er... not thrown on the floor; pottery), the flowers growing in the garden, and I'm proud to see my publication history in print. I feel satisfaction. I feel good about myself. And its not at all about others recognizing things I have done. Its me feeling happy about myself, being able to see what I have completed. Maybe its because I'm so much a kind of person that likes to create with my hands. I love to build things and do just about any kind of art.

A chart that showed my accomplishments would have meant so much to me as a kid. It would have helped my self-esteem. My parents would never have done anything like that, though.

Some kids might be different, and possibly be harmed by a rewards system. I guess you just have to know your child. I also think a rewards system doesn't have to mean that you have gained an adult's approval. The system could be about the child's own goals and interests, developed mainly by the child with the parent's help. I think a child is supported by knowing his parents take an interest in his own goals and dreams, and I also think a child can look back at his star chart or sticker chart or whatever and see how he has progressed, and feel pride.

Our DD is 12 months so we don't know yet whether a rewards chart/ goal monitoring / whatever you call it will be something she is interested in. But if it does seem like she might enjoy such an activity, we're not going to refuse to do it.

So anyway, to answer the original question, I think you might consider using a simple paper/sticker chart, that makes a permanent record, so that your child can look back at it.

[Tummy]

Originally Posted by amandajf

What kid doesn't look to having their mom or dad praise them for a job well done?

What person does not look to having a pat on the back for a job well done. Regardless if it is from a parent, a co-worker, boss, life partner, or even a praise given by themselves!


Amanda, have you thought of perhaps printing out "awards" for the girls? Personalized awards are always put a smile on a childs face.

[georgia]

Originally Posted by amandajf

I notice this includes praise. Although I've not read this book, I think that's a crock of balogna. What kid doesn't look to having their mom or dad praise them for a job well done?

Since you had mentioned that you felt part of your routine was a pain, you might be willing to look at an alternative point of view? Here is a link to a Mothering Magazine article that outlines downsides to praise/rewards:

From Mothering

[umami_mommy]

is this not the gentle discipline forum?

rewards are just the flip side of the punishment coin. they are just as harmful to children's psyches. they have far reaching effects on children's emotional state, how they perceive themselves and the adults around them.

token econnomies aren't even used with those who are severely mentally ill or developmentally disabled anymore. (where they first came into use with human beings in the 1960s) courts (at least in NY) have ruled them inhummane and researches note that they really don't work in the long run.

i think children (and people) deserve more than behaviorism, which was developed for use with animals in labs.

[mumto2]

We like the idea of awards in our family. Ds 7 has been at school although we are now homeschooling. He really misssed the awards assemblies and merit certificates. Each week we take it in turns to make up certificates for each other. Dd at 4 usually draws a picture of a happy time she had with that family member. Dh and I write a little thank you note to each person about something we notoced, enjoyed or whatever that week. Ds goes to town announcing with the fake microphone and calling each person up to the front of the lounge room to recieve their award.

It is lovely for us adults to have a picture of us taking dd to the zoo with oversized smiles on our faces and 'tanx' underneath. I have also recieved awards for cooking a good meal! taking ds for a haircut etc, not just the big things. It also helps the kids to think of positive aspects of their relationships with each other. They notice and appreciate sharing of toys, getting a bandaid, giving the bigger piece and so on.

Now I see this as enhancing family relationships and not damaging to anyones psyche!

[Ruthla]

As with all things "mainstream," rewards charts can be helpful or they can be damaging, depending on how they're used.

I see "doing chores for the sake of family harmony" the ideal, but sometimes people need a little more concrete feedback to get motivated. I pay my older children for doing various household chores- 10 cents for emptying the dishwasher, for example. I've found this has eliminated a lot of the "why should I clean up when my sister isn't working??" complaints. Whoever does the work gets paid, period. You don't do your chores, you don't get paid, period. No more nagging from me and a lot more chores are getting done (which means less housework for me!) This might not be the "GD ideal" but it's working well for our family.

If you want to go with a more traditional "behavioral chart" then I'd suggest something very simple- like a paper chart and draw smiley faces in pencil.

[writermommy]

I don't like token economies, either as a mom or as a former teacher. I actually worked in a school where we were not allowed to use behavior/incentive charts. These kids behaved better than any kids I'd ever seen in a classroom with behavior charts. The philosophy of my principal was that we should be encouraging intrinsic motivation, rather than extrinsic, or just working for the reward. These systems are being used less and less in more progressive schools.

[johub]

Originally Posted by honeybeedreams

is this not the gentle discipline forum?

rewards are just the flip side of the punishment coin. they are just as harmful to children's psyches. they have far reaching effects on children's emotional state, how they perceive themselves and the adults around them.

token econnomies aren't even used with those who are severely mentally ill or developmentally disabled anymore. (where they first came into use with human beings in the 1960s) courts (at least in NY) have ruled them inhummane and researches note that they really don't work in the long run.

i think children (and people) deserve more than behaviorism, which was developed for use with animals in labs.

Here we go again.
Alfie Kohn is not the be- all end all authority on GD.
Many GD families do use positive reinforcement and are happy withthat decision.
I for one have read "punished by rewards" and thought it was reaching.
And while I agree that children deserve more than behaviorism. I dont think we need to throw the baby out with the bathwater.
I think it is a big mistake to think of human beings and children in ONLY behavioristic terms. However behaviorism does also have its merits and a balance can be found.( for those interested in trying. not everybody obviously) It doesnt have to be an all or nothing thing.

Can't we PLEASE stop defining GD in such limited terms. . .

[writermommy]

The reward thing can become a slippery slope, if you don't balance it correctly. I do use the occassional reward, such as a trip to the toy store when potty trained. Yes, this is a bribe, but so what? The problem can come when kids only work or behave for the reward. I have a good friend who has a child that won't do anything without asking what she will get in return. Example: Could you help me clean up the house? and the child asks how much she will get paid. That makes me crazy! We work together in our house and help each other because we are a family, not because mom will pay. Used in a limited way, rewards may work, but it can turn ugly if you aren't careful.

[johub]

Originally Posted by writermommy

The reward thing can become a slippery slope, if you don't balance it correctly. I do use the occassional reward, such as a trip to the toy store when potty trained. Yes, this is a bribe, but so what? The problem can come when kids only work or behave for the reward. I have a good friend who has a child that won't do anything without asking what she will get in return. Example: Could you help me clean up the house? and the child asks how much she will get paid. That makes me crazy! We work together in our house and help each other because we are a family, not because mom will pay. Used in a limited way, rewards may work, but it can turn ugly if you aren't careful.

I agree with this. However I seriously cannot think of any single thing we might do that doesnt have some possible drawbacks.
We just have to choose judiciuosly. Know our children. And dont get too caught up in a theory or idea that we arent able and willing to chuck it if it doesnt work or does more harm than good.

[georgia]

Originally Posted by johub

It doesnt have to be an all or nothing thing.

Joline, I agree

Just like with anything, I love that MDC offers parents a forum to respectfully offer insights, suggestions and information about the many faces of GD. There is no one right way to do anything, IMO. Just like with LLL, take what works for you and your family and leave the rest

[Dar]

Originally Posted by BellinghamCrunchie

A chart that showed my accomplishments would have meant so much to me as a kid. It would have helped my self-esteem. My parents would never have done anything like that, though.

For a while, Rain had a chart with all the stuff we planned to do each day written on it, and she would put an X in each box as she completed it. I think it satisfied some need for her, although she lost interest fairly quickly. Now she does lists, which is what I do, too. I love to look at my list and see things crossed off, because I do feel like I've made a dent in all the stuff I want to do... and I think I end up getting more done, too.

Lists or charts of accomplishments are fine, and you can use them without getting into rewards. Crossing stuff off the list is reward enough here... and we make our own lists, usually. Rain does ask me to make lists for her sometimes, like if she's home alone or if her room is really messy, and I do, and she crosses things out.

Dar

[Kira's mom]

Originally Posted by georgia

Joline, I agree

Just like with anything, I love that MDC offers parents a forum to respectfully offer insights, suggestions and information about the many faces of GD. There is no one right way to do anything, IMO. Just like with LLL, take what works for you and your family and leave the rest

I very much agree.As i read the different topics on this board i find I agree with many different opinions.It is a great oppurtunity to learn from others, and as the pp said take what works for your family and leave what doesn't.

[mamachandi]