Best books for Gentle Dicipline

[Talula Fairie]

My baby is turning into a toddler before my eyes (a very opinonated, stubborn one at that!) and so I think it's time I start reading some more on gentle dicipline. I don't ever want to spank, and I don't think that a lot of the more traditional "punishments" are very effective for children. Besides the Dr. Sears Dicipline book, does anyone have any great books they'd reccomend? Or just general tips? I'm not really having any problems (yet) but once she starts walking and the new baby comes in three months I suspect I might.

ETA: Now that I posted this I saw the Gentle Dicipline book list thread. Uhm, placenta brain? I'd delete but you can't delete threads. Whoops.

Thanks

[WuWei]

Nix Dr. Sears. I think I am becoming anti-Dr. Sears as too punishment oriented, rather than gently nurturing self-discipline.

Try Unconditional Parenting by Alfie Kohn. Or Raising Your Spirited Child or Kids, Parents and Power Struggles, or Living Joyfully with Children, Or How to Talk so Kids will Listen and How to Listen so Kids will Talk.

I've just ordered Hold on to Your Kids and Playful Parenting per the recommendations here.

Pat

[Kira's mom]

I really liked Unconditional Parenting.I also read How to talk to your Kids...and thought it might be more appropriate when dd is a bit older.

[Missy]

How about Adventures in Gentle Discipline by Hilary Flower?

[Talula Fairie]

I didn't know Hillary Flower wrote a parenting book. Isn't she also the author of Adventures in Tandem Nursing? I'll have to check it out.

Thanks for the reccomendation, and heads up about Dr. Sears

[Missy]

The gentle discipline book just came out this past summer...

[DevaMajka]

Originally Posted by scubamama

Nix Dr. Sears. I think I am becoming anti-Dr. Sears as too punishment oriented, rather than gently nurturing self-discipline.

Try Unconditional Parenting by Alfie Kohn. Or Raising Your Spirited Child or Kids, Parents and Power Struggles, or Living Joyfully with Children, Or How to Talk so Kids will Listen and How to Listen so Kids will Talk.

I've just ordered Hold on to Your Kids and Playful Parenting per the recommendations here.

Pat

Yeah, the further I go into ap/gd, the more I see Dr. Sears as too close to mainstream. lol

Other books I like- Becoming The Parent You Want To Be (only the discipline section though). It's for ages up to 5yo.
Loving Your Child Is Not Enough- very similar to how to talk, but better imo.
The Continuum Concept

[shanagirl]

"Everyday Blessings; The Inner Work of Mindful Parenting" by John and Myla Kabat-Zinn.

"Whole Child/Whole Parent" by Polly Berrien Berends

[johub]

Just my 2cents

I LOVE Dr Sears. And I dont see him as "mainstream" in any way, shape or form. (you want mainstream, check out Dobson or Ezzo)
I have read Alfie Kohn and he is not for me.
I suggest you read all different kinds of things and decide for yourself what you like.

[rumi]

I do have a soft spot for old man sears, mainstream as he is, he is very useful for introducing all my mainstream friends and family to why the heck my 2.5 year old is nursing, and hey he even mentions ec though he doesnt go into detail. But at least he acknowledges that it works and the younger sears is even quoted as endorsing Laurie Boucke's book. So, smile when you say that, sister.

Alfie K seems like a swell guy and probably a model parent but I really didnt like his book Unconditional Parenting. In fact I disliked it. I felt very much talked down to. But I took one good thing away from it, which is some guy who published a book thinks that what I am doing is OK and has a nice name for it too - unconditional parenting. I think I drew some strength from that and so I take back that I disliked it.

Still, the Continuum Concept was more engaging.

[Talula Fairie]

Originally Posted by johub

Just my 2cents

I LOVE Dr Sears. And I dont see him as "mainstream" in any way, shape or form. (you want mainstream, check out Dobson or Ezzo)
I have read Alfie Kohn and he is not for me.
I suggest you read all different kinds of things and decide for yourself what you like.

I don't really see him as mainstream either (wouldn't like, Ferber be mainstream?) BUT he does do time outs I know, and some GDers don't agree with that. *shrug* I'm not sure that I'll do time outs either, they never worked for me as a kid!

[rumi]

well i dont see dr sears as a guy i could "follow" in that he is not vegan, not unschooling, pro-vaxing, and even seems to admire old man "mistakes were made" (aka R Reagan) etc etc. but still i like his books.

i am not into 'following' a book like a bible or something - i get the feeling alfie k's approach / style wants 'followers' which some people may be comfortable to be, whereas dr sears is just saying, based on my studies and experience, this is what i have come up with, see how it fits with your experience / knoweldge / etc and trust yourself.

about books, i was wondering who has read "parenting from the inside out"? i have been curious about that one but our library doesnt have it.

[Mizelenius]

I think these are great overall:

Easy to Love, Difficult to Discipline (totally fits in with UP, but IMO, a better book)

Playful Parenting

Hold on to Your Kids (not a GD guide exactly, but more about attachment being part of GD)

[writermommy]

Well, I love Dr Sears. Finding his books saved me from listening to the idiots in my life who told me to "put the baby down or you'll spoil her" or "let her cry it out" The other baby books I had at the time were the wean early and let them cry variety. The friends and family in my life were ferber kind of people, telling me I "had" to let her cry "for her own good" and "it builds character". Thankfully, I found Sears, bought a sling and took her into my bed and let her wean herself. I really hate to think what would have happened, if I hadn't picked up his books in Barnes and Noble that day. Life may have turned out quite differently here. Also, reading Sears led me to look into alternative discipline methods, GD, Mothering Magazine, ultimately this website.

Also, I don't see what being a vegan and vaxing have to do with GD. Plenty of families aren't vegan, have vaxed their kids and are still GD.

[DevaMajka]

Originally Posted by writermommy

Well, I love Dr Sears. Finding his books saved me from listening to the idiots in my life who told me to "put the baby down or you'll spoil her" or "let her cry it out"
(snip)
Also, reading Sears led me to look into alternative discipline methods, GD, Mothering Magazine, ultimately this website.

same here. He's a great "gateway" . And definitely better than "mainstream".
I was just saying that, the more I learn, the more I see him as closer to mainstream than I'd be comfortable being.
But, I have to give him tons of credit for getting me to where I am

[Kate522]

I like Dr. Sears' Baby Book, but I'm not crazy about his discipline book. I like Jane Nelson. Her positive discipline approach is pretty good. I read the 0-3 book which basically said "distract, distract, distract" and "don't stress". It really helped me relax.

I just started reading Playful Parenting, and I'm loving it. It seems to fit with our lifestyle. I also think Anthony Wolf's The Secret of Parenting is really good. It dovetails well with How to Talk so your Kids will Listen. . ., another favorite of mine. I also like their Sibling Rivalry book.

I also want to say thanks to the GD site. I just discovered this forum. I read (and sometimes post) a lot on the breastfeeding forums. I loved the book suggestions. That's where I found Playful Parenting, and Anthony Wolf. I hope to pass on these book suggestions to some friends of mine, and thanks again.

[julesmom]

Sears was definitely a gate-way for me into AP and for that reason, I will always respect his work. However, I've shifted to books like Hold onto Your Kids, Unconditional Parenting, and Playful Parenting.

I must strongly second shanagirl's suggestion of Everyday Blessings: The Inner Work of Mindful Parenting.

Whereas many of the books mentioned so far give me the much needed tools and philosophies behind the way I strive to parent...Everydayday Blessings provided the *soul* (so to speak). It truly touched me as a parent...as a human being.

I love this book!

[Kira's mom]

I sure used Dr Sears baby book that first year when i had a million questions.It gave me alot of guidance. I still have alot of questions but a bit more confidence in my own gut! To Rumi: Will your library order books for you. The library closest to me has gotten books from other branches that they didn't have. I started taking dd to the library, got her a card and then redicovered it myself. One more bonus to having a two year old...just one of those places i'd nearly forgotten!

[johub]

Yes it is important to keep in mind that "mainstream" is a term that is always relative to the position of the speaker, and not an absolute.

[WuWei]

Yes, and some speakers consider parenting unconditionally and consensually "extremist".

Pat