brothers constantly fighting!! Arghhh

[juicylucy]

Ok, my boys are 4 and 2. They are getting out of control. They have to wrestle all day. It started off gently enough, because DH used to roughhouse with them and they just carried it on from there. Now though, they hit, they push, they kick.... ugh. I feel like a referee, always telling them, "don't hit/push your brother" etc.. but they so, "oh sorry: and carry on with what they are doing : I don't have a problem with them wrestling, if that was all it was, but I am having trouble coming up with ways of making it so they don't hurt each other. I keep explaining how we don't hurt each other until I am blue in the face, and it isn't working. They are pretty evenily matched size wise, even with the age gap, but I fear as they get older their fighting will get really out of hand unless I do something now.

Any ideas would be GREATLY appreciated. I have no clue what I should be doing here.

[juicylucy]

anyone? I am losing my mind here

[maya44]

I really don't think you can tell a 2 and 4 y.o. that it is ok to wrestle but not to hurt the other child.

I mean someone is GOING to get hurt. It just is going to happen. You start wrestling and it is going to evolve into this.

How about just sitting them down and saying. "No more wrestling. Its too easy for someone to get hurt."

Then when they do, mo matter who started it, no matter who is hurting who just pull one off the other and say "Boys, remember you are not allowed to wrestle anymore."

[juicylucy]

yes Maya, you are right, and that is complete common sense. The reason I am hesitating on this is that they seem to have such a NEED to wrestle with other, and about 80% of the time they have a blast doing it. And then, where is the cutoff? No physical contact at all? These two get up in the morning and straight away are on the floor wrestling and giggling. They love it. If it could stay at that, it would be fine. But as I said, they have started with the pushing and the hitting, and it is getting out of hand. It's so hard to know what to do!

[johub]

My kids LOVE to wrestle and they do it a lot (they are 2, 2 and 3) and they tackle each other and sword fight with every availible object.
But here is the thing. THey dont hurt each other. Not really anyway. Just minor bumps and nothing bad enough to even stop the game for more than a second.
But if you throw in another child without siblings who wants to wrestle with my kids, they sometimes do something painful or dangerous.
I think my children have actually learned how to wrestle and play fight without hurting each other and by learning what their bodies can do and what their limits are.
I might not have realized this until the day I saw ds wrestle with a friend from playgroup who kinda stepped on his neck when he was down. (not hard, he wasnt hurt) but my DS was baffled and didnt understand how it happenned. I explained to him that he had to be extra careful because this little girl didnt have brothers and didnt really know the "rules"
I have also had to say things at playgrounds like "WE dont attack other children except your brother" and really silly things like that.
Just my experience with my kids. More intense children might hve more difficulty stopping themselves when things get out of control though so Maya44's idea is another good solution.

[juicylucy]

Originally Posted by johub

My kids LOVE to wrestle and they do it a lot (they are 2, 2 and 3) and they tackle each other and sword fight with every availible object.
But here is the thing. THey dont hurt each other. Not really anyway. Just minor bumps and nothing bad enough to even stop the game for more than a second.
But if you throw in another child without siblings who wants to wrestle with my kids, they sometimes do something painful or dangerous.
I think my children have actually learned how to wrestle and play fight without hurting each other and by learning what their bodies can do and what their limits are.
I might not have realized this until the day I saw ds wrestle with a friend from playgroup who kinda stepped on his neck when he was down. (not hard, he wasnt hurt) but my DS was baffled and didnt understand how it happenned. I explained to him that he had to be extra careful because this little girl didnt have brothers and didnt really know the "rules"
I have also had to say things at playgrounds like "WE dont attack other children except your brother" and really silly things like that.
Just my experience with my kids. More intense children might hve more difficulty stopping themselves when things get out of control though so Maya44's idea is another good solution.

see, I guess this is my boys as well. Although they push and hit, they don't really *hurt* each other. It is all pretty gentle. They may whine for half a second and then carry on! So it is my problem more than theirs, KWIM? I guess I am uncomfortable with aggression, whereas they embrace it! I just fear if I let them do this now, it will get worse and worse the odler they get. But maybe I just need to trust them on this. Hummmmm.

[johub]

Originally Posted by juicylucy

see, I guess this is my boys as well. Although they push and hit, they don't really *hurt* each other. It is all pretty gentle. They may whine for half a second and then carry on! So it is my problem more than theirs, KWIM? I guess I am uncomfortable with aggression, whereas they embrace it! I just fear if I let them do this now, it will get worse and worse the odler they get. But maybe I just need to trust them on this. Hummmmm.

I was very anti aggression when I was a single mom of a daughter.
My dh however encourages this type of behavior and it is typical of his interactions with them.
So while I may be uncomfortable with it deep down. I have decided that in this way DH can have his way. He thinks it is OK and healthy and fun.
So I bite my tongue.
He doesnt argue that I wanted to cosleep or EBF. So I have to give him his say once in a while.

[juicylucy]

Originally Posted by johub

I was very anti aggression when I was a single mom of a daughter.
My dh however encourages this type of behavior and it is typical of his interactions with them.
So while I may be uncomfortable with it deep down. I have decided that in this way DH can have his way. He thinks it is OK and healthy and fun.
So I bite my tongue.
He doesnt argue that I wanted to cosleep or EBF. So I have to give him his say once in a while.

sounds like my DH. He is actually a v. gentle dad in the way he treats them, but in play he loves the whole roughhousing thing. We were out in public the other day and G asked him, "daddy, when we go home will you beat me up?" (His term for their roughhousing) I wanted the ground to swallow me up

[mamadawg]

Hey Lucy, I saw this thread when you originally posted it, but I didn't have any advice so I didn't respond. I'm interested in this topic too, because my twins pound on each other sometimes.

I'm reading "Siblings Without Rivalry" and they touch upon this a bit. Do you have the book? If not, I can share some of the advice they give. let me know if you're interested.