Mother-Lead Weaning Support Thread for the New Year

[slightlycrunchyann]

Hi Mamas! I know there are a few of us that are working on this, and it's not always easy to share with non-AP-ish friends that you're trying to gently wean a 3-year old ("why don't you just stop?", etc).

I joked with DH awhile back that my New Year's resolution was to wean our DS. I've been gradually cutting DS back for awhile to the point where for his nighttime nursing I was letting him nurse for literally about 3 seconds on each side. Now, most mysteriously, the past 2 nights he hasn't asked to nurse at all at bedtime. I've been holding my breath to see where this goes! He is still nursing in the mornings, for varying lengths of time depending on what time he crawls into bed with us and how tired I am! Usually less than a minute, though. I've thought about doing a sticker chart for this, but I've never gotten around to it, and I've told him that we'll have a weaning party when he does wean!

Any others looking for some support? Join in!

(no debating on MLW in this thread, please!)

[slightlycrunchyann]

Anyone? Bueller?

[Guest*]

:

I'm not actively encouraging weaning right now, but I think about it a lot so I'm interested in reading about experiences here.

I'm crossing my fingers that dd decides to stop herself as my milk changes through this pregnancy. She's so addicted, though, I doubt she will.

[sea island mama]

Originally Posted by jlpolzin

:

I'm not actively encouraging weaning right now, but I think about it a lot so I'm interested in reading about experiences here.

Me too! :
Ds (2 1/2) is driving me sometimes wanting to nurse so much! When we are home, he is on me any time I sit down (nak) & it gets pretty tiring standing all the time if I can't handle the thought of nursing AGAIN .
Anyway, hoping for ideas .

[slightlycrunchyann]

Start early, LOL! By the time I was pg with my DD I had already cut back my DS some during the day and nightweaned him, but I worked gradually to reduce a couple of more nursings during my pg. I had hoped that my milk changing or going away would make him lose interest, too, but it didn't! It's been fine, though, the first few weeks of tandem nursing were a little rough, but it got better. I've been feeling for awhile, though, that I'm ready to be done nursing him, not strongly enough to push weaning too hard, but just gradually work towards it. He did nurse again the past two nights at bedtime, then forgot about it again tonight. Last night I had him laughing when he nursed by letting him nurse for 1 second instead of 3, I just yelled "One! All done!" and he thought it was hilarious.

Your daughter is adorable, Janna!

[freestyler]

Wow, this thread is exactly what I came on here to find!! A MLW thread, cool! I have 4 kids, and the two smallest ones are tandem nursing---my 3 yr old DD and the 3-month old newest DD! I have always loved nursing, but the toddler is the first one to nurse through my pregnancy and then really try to pick up nursing again after the birth. I mean REALLY pick up. It's been three months of tandem nursing now, and it's beginning to (dare I say it?) wear a little thin with me. I basically tell my toddler, who is so adorable with her Shirley Temple ringlets and huge grin that it's hard to refuse her anything, I basically tell her that she can nurse before bed and that's it. But that doesn't fly too well. She's trying to nurse three or more times a day, which I know isn't much but I'm really feeling like I just don't want to put out the energy any more. Even with good nutrition and enough sleep, I still feel like energy is at a premium with me right now. I dunno, I'm just getting tired of nursing my little toddler....but I feel guilty saying that too. Do other mammas feel this way?

[Yooper]

My 2.5 yo dd just weaned with a little help from me. I feel awful about it and wanted to write about it but was afraid i would get slammed for weaning so early. I have been out of milk for about 6 months. I am not pg, I just stopped producing even though dd was nursing 4-6 a day at that point. It got very very painful. dd has never had a great latch and it was getting worse as she got older. It got to the point where I felt rage when dd nursed and i knew I needed to do something. We started cutting back reducing one session every three weeks or so. By the holidays she was down to before naps and first thing in the morning. She gave up naps at that time so I just decided to try ending nursing for good. It was fine. She did not get upset. She asked for it a couple of times and I just told her that the milk was gone. She then said "OK, can I have a snack then?"

I really thought I would CLW. That was my ideal. I feel very guilty about this. And I miss having the magic card. I did not want this to be lead by me. We do have prolonged coddle sessions every day now and we do cosleep so she cuddles with me or dh all night. I just feel sad

It was an incredible week. She weaned, gave up her nap, and self potty trained.....all in a 5 day period. It was so strange! I am still in shock about the potty learning. She is even fine overnight. Freaky.

[freestyler]

Yooper, you sound like me! Feeling guilty, even though we've nourished them with our bodies for well over two (or three) years! I think you've done an awesome job nursing so long---especially when you look at the state of BFing in this country!! If you're outta milk you're outta milk, whatcha gonna do? Your body and your child probably had different sets of needs starting, and that's not always something we can control, right? You don't wanna be a martyr either, you know, nursing when it causes pain, when the milk is running out and the toddler can get her nutritional needs met well through other food. Gads. It needs to be enjoyable for you too. I'm just having a hard time getting my toddler to stop....we'll work on just bedtime nursing for a few weeks or months, I guess.

[MaxiMom]

I'm so glad to see this thread, too. Just when I need it. I've had my ds down to nursing only for naps and bedtime, which was fine. I've been wanting to wean for sometime now, but I know it is best for him until at least two and that bday is approaching. I've been talking to him about it for a while, that nursies need to go bye-bye, hoping that would help.

This week, I've told him that nursies are only for bedtime, no more nap nursies. The first day was fine, he was so tired (he stayed up past his usual naptime), that he just fell asleep after I walked around with him for a while. The past three days, he's cried and cried in my arms until he falls asleep. So sad! I feel badly, but it needs to happen now. Happy mamas are the best mamas, so this is a must for both of us.

I'm hoping this gets better, it can be done, right?

Yooper - Lucky you and what a big girl dd is!

[sophmama]

We're in the middle of potty learning right now so I don't want to push another milestone on my dd but I do need to wean because my weight is so low and I can't keep it up while nursing. I've been about 95 lbs. for a while now and the nursing just melts the weight off me. I eat about 3000 cal. a day and it doesn't bring it up. I need to encourage it but I don't want to push. She did recently figure out how to go to sleep on her own without nursing and only nurses at nap and bed (but not always). After she's done with potty learning, I'll give it some time and start to gently move toward weaning. Not that I have any idea how to do that lol.

[FireWithin]

How to finally end it

I can't figure out the right form of closure. DS, who will be 3 in three months, was a fanatic nurser. I lost my milk at 5 1/2 wks preg, so we've been without milk for over 20 weeks.

We have slowly been weaning. I only initiated reduced nursings when he didn't seem upset about it. He doesn't need to nurse to sleep at all anymore. He no longer seems to know how to nurse, and leave grooves at the base of my nipples. He also begins to nurse with relish, but then seems to look like he is thinking "what was so wonderful about this?"

We are at the point where we only nurse once every week or two. The transition from everyother day, to every few days, and now to once a week was quick. Now I don't know what to do. Every couple of days he asks to nurse. I gently say no. Sometimes he cries, mildly and says that he loves na-nas. He wants to touch my breasts several times a day, which makes me bonkers in my pregnant state.

At this point I feel like it has been unfair of me to let it linger. Maybe he is forever hopeful. If he had closure, maybe it would be emotionally easier for him. Yet, he seems to still be emotionally connected to nursing. The transition to no longer nursing will be hard. He is not emotionally ready. He has other stressful factors in his life right now (self-initiated potty learning, 6 1/2 month pregnant mama, winter blues, winter illnesses, etc). I don't know if I want to add more to it.

If I continue, I don't feel like it is fair to have it so infrequently. I don't think this infrequency is helping him deal with the issue of weaning. Should I allow a once a day nursing chance, knowing that he might frequently not wish to nurse, but at least give him the emotional connection? I just think he feels panicked when he feels my withdrawal.

I am hoping not to tandem nurse, but am willing to consider a once a day nursing chance for my toddler.


sorry so long

[loveandkindness]

Mama 2 Sammo -- I'm certainly not an expert, but I think your idea of offering him a chance to nurse once a day is good. Then if he declines, it is HIS decision, and he will feel more in control, if you know what I mean. And then when Baby comes, he will know that it was his decision to give up nursing and not resent Baby.

We are in the process of weaning right now. DD is 2 and 3/4 and my milk production is gone. I decided I needed to either take herbs to up my milk production, or wean, since nursing without milk is becoming painful. We gave up the before-nap nursing last week with no problem. Tonight was our first night of no nursing before bedtime and I substituted a 10-minute massage,which she totally loved! She did ask to nurse after the massage, but I gently reminded her it was "instead of" the nursing and she was okay with it. If this sticks, then all that is left is first-thing-in-the-morning nursing, and I can deal with that a little longer since I can doze through it. I didn't expect it to be this easy since she has always loved (and I mean LOVED!) nursing. I'm hoping it keeps being so easy!!

Kay

[Nursing_Nate]

Originally Posted by freestyler

If you're outta milk you're outta milk, whatcha gonna do?

Love it! I too had to wean due to no milk and first trimester/pregnancy pain! I felt like the women at my LLL meetings were upset/judging me, and that was the only place I felt it was 'ok' to talk about it! I waited until DS was 24 months (I was 4 months pregnant) and I was at the END of my rope! I had nightweaned and had him down to 2 nursings a day, but I was NOT a very nice momma-maybe from the pain/hormones? Plus the milk was gone within my first month of pregnancy so he was basically using me as a pacifier, and OH did it hurt! I was soooo greatful to be done with it (it's been 5 weeks now) but now I'm very sad, as I'm 'back to normal' emotionally (if there is a normal) and I soooo badly wanted to tandem nurse, but my body had other ideas. When he asks me for 'milkies' even though I'm gritting my teeth at the anticipation of the pain, I let him do his thing...but I think he's forgotten how to do it - he just holds it in his mouth for a bit and then tries the other side...than he puts them away - all very cute and I love it, but also am afraid since the nips are stilll oh so painful...I've been wanting him to re-learn, but then again, I can't do it now since the pain is too much...I just feel guilty since he didn't seem ready and even though I took time and was gentle about it, it still wasn't CLW which is what I wanted totally...like my midwife said, "you're body couldn't handle growing a baby and making milk"...it's just such a let down (ha!) since most women I've read about didn't loose their milk until about 6 months pregnant and I lost mine month 1...thank you for having somewhere to talk about this! I wanted to so badly get some support from my LLL group but all I heard was this judgmental silence after I said that I weaned him...no comments, no support, no eye contact...I felt so alone

[sea island mama]

I seem to be the only one here trying to slow down a 2.5 y.o. who often nurses 10+ times a day ! I am not pregnant & I don't think I really want to wean him completely if he still really wants/needs it, but even 3-4 times a day would be really nice!

He has been night weaned for a couple of months, but often when he wakes up at night for a pee he will ask for 'mommy milk' & will cry like his heart is breaking when he doesn't get it (I have never given in, BTW, so he really has no reason to expect it).

I think he should be old enough to understand even waiting a few minutes, but this mostly easy-going kid often goes into major tantrum mode if I don't drop whatever I'm doing, run to the computer & sit down as soon as I hear 'want some mommy milk'! Sometimes I can distract him with a movie, computer game or favourite snack, but obviously I can't do that all the time & even then it doesn't always work.

I wouldn't even mind so much if his latch wasn't so bad...someone else mentioned the dents by her nipple - I think mine are permanent :.

This is new territory for me as I had to wean his sister cold turkey when I developed a nursing aversion at about 14 weeks pregnant with him. She managed to work her way back up & now at 5.5 still nurses every morning. At least she developed a decent latch somewhere along the way .

Anyway, any suggestions to slow him down would be appreciated.

[FireWithin]

Originally Posted by Mammo2Sammo

If I continue, I don't feel like it is fair to have it so infrequently. I don't think this infrequency is helping him deal with the issue of weaning. Should I allow a once a day nursing chance, knowing that he might frequently not wish to nurse, but at least give him the emotional connection? I just think he feels panicked when he feels my withdrawal.

After writing this the other night, I felt clearer about what I think is best. I have decided to give him the option of nursing once a day - but with the caveat that I have the power of veto. Since being pregnant, sometimes nursing is torture. I sometimes get the willies. So if it isn't working, we will cuddle instead. I haven't talked to him about it yet. I am going ot try to do so today.

I am enjoying this thread. It is nice to get this support.

[FireWithin]

Originally Posted by mama2nicola

I think he should be old enough to understand even waiting a few minutes, but this mostly easy-going kid often goes into major tantrum mode if I don't drop whatever I'm doing, run to the computer & sit down as soon as I hear 'want some mommy milk'! Sometimes I can distract him with a movie, computer game or favourite snack, but obviously I can't do that all the time & even then it doesn't always work.

I wouldn't even mind so much if his latch wasn't so bad...someone else mentioned the dents by her nipple - I think mine are permanent :.

I understand what you are going through. We have definately been there. Are there other activities that you can do together to replace a couple of nursing sessions? cuddles, reading, singing. Sometime DS really is looking for a physical and emotional connection and his first instinct is to ask for nursing.

[AnoriensMom]

My dd is now 27 months and I really want to cut down on her nursing. I always thought I would just do child-led weaning, but I find myself getting angry and irritated when she wants to nurse again. Once a day, even four times a day sounds great.
My library does not have any books on weaning and I will be missing my next LLL meeting. If I were to only buy one book, which would you recommend? How weaning happens? The nursing mothers guide to weaning? or other?

[slightlycrunchyann]

Anoriensmom, I don't have any of the weaning books, but I do have "Mothering Your Nursing Toddler" and "Adventures in Tandem Nursing," which both discuss weaning a toddler.

When I first started cutting back my DS's nursing sessions, I kept us busy busy, playing outside a LOT, staying on the go, and lots of distractions. More recently I've been cutting back the length of the nursing sessions, from a few minutes with a one-minute warning, to one minute, to the amount of time it took me to sing the alphabet, to 10 seconds to 3 seconds to one second! And the past 3 nights he hasn't nursed at all at bedtime. Shhhhhh. He did nurse this morning, though.

MammotoSammo, maybe you and your son could pick a date for a last nursing, then plan to have a weaning party soon after that. Have a cake, have a little present, even if it's just your immediate family it could be fun for him and give him that closure! We talked to our DS about a weaning party when he finally stops nursing. He told us he wanted Thomas trains for his present.

[Tori Gollihugh]

MOTHER lead

I sometimes think myself a mean momma for taking the lead in weaning my DD, but I haven't been able to get pregnant and I believe I am one of the random women who cannot conceive until the current nursling is weaned. I am sure we will continue nursing for at least two months more, but the end is nigh.
My DD is 22 months old today and she gets boobie time once daily. When I started weaning her at 13 months it was because I was about to start my period (even though I didn't know it at the time) and just felt completely repulsed and aggitated by nursing her as much as she wanted.
Basically, when she was 13 months, I just told her no and explained that the boobies hurt, but she could have some later. The later was not a defined time, which helped to establish our current lack of schedule. The one time she nurses currently changes every day. I feel comfortable with this because she's not attached to it for a specific purpose other than just having booby.
Now, she understands when I tell her that she only gets boobie one time a day and if she wants it when she asks, then she won't get it later. Mostly, though, if she asks for it she really does want it right then and doesn't mind when I tell her no when she asks later. I believe, because I have been consistent in only giving her the boobie once daily, she trusts that it's there for her so it's okay when I won't let her on.
Lately I've been telling her that she won't get boobie for much longer because we (DH and I) want to grow a baby in my belly. She likes this idea and asks if I have a baby in there regularly.
I think that the undefined end is very important for DD and me (I want to end nursing so we can have another baby, but don't because I still enjoy our once daily nursing time.) So, when I'm very sure and willing and committed to distracting her with other things and activities (at least 8 weeks from now), I'll end the last session just like I did when I cut the sessions down from 10+ to the one. It took MONTHS to do that, but I'm so glad I did. It was worth the struggle to really be able to ENJOY the one she nurses each day!
Good luck to those of you fighting the mental, emotional, and physical battles that come along with this issue - both internal and external!!!

[bemommy]

So glad to have found this thread. . The plan had always been to nurse for as long as it worked for the both of us. DD turned 3 on 12/31. I'm ready to be done and want to find a way to make weaning work for us both. It's been a stressful year. . moving, TTC with no luck, m/c. Life is now getting back to normal and with that I would like to find our way to weaning. But I don't know the magic to help us through. Hoping to find some great tips.