Alright! I'm about two seconds from pulling a Dr. Phil!!!

[charmarty]

My 5 yo kids are SO mouthy sometimes! WHOA! Today we went through thier toys (again) to give them to charity. It is our New Years ritual. So here we are all the toys strewed EVERYWHERE ( understandable granted) and they found toys they want to play with again that they hadn't in a while ( I rotate) so I let them play.

I have now asked them 5 times to help me pick these tpys up and get some order in the house again. EVERYTIME thier responce was , "NO! we're playing! YOU do it!" If you could only hear the tone.


I want to Pull a Dr. Phil and take ALL the toys and give them away.
WWYD? :

no body told me that 5 was the age of additude!

[aira]

Personally I'd just let it go until they are ready... I'd let them play and go have a cup of strong tea in the other room.

At this point (with a 2yo) I decide what toys are going - ususally the ones that are already out of sight. When DS is 5... not sure, but I think I'll ask about each toy over a long time, like one toy a day or so. Then it won't get too overwhelming.

But that's all theory. I will do whatever I find works best then.

Sending calm happy vibes your way... Hope it gets easier soon!

[charmarty]

just how strong should that tea be?


the issue is not which toys should go or not. SOrry if I did not make that clear in the OP. We have already decided which ones will go, they are all packed up the the garbage bags and ready to go. This was done by 8:00 am. They have had plenty of time to play. I have just asked that they help me organize the remaining toys and put them away. fact is, we come across this issue evertime I ask them to put things away. They were not like this when they were 4. It has progressively gotten worse. The defiance.

[maya44]

Originally Posted by charmarty

My 5 yo kids are SO mouthy sometimes! WHOA! Today we went through thier toys (again) to give them to charity. It is our New Years ritual. So here we are all the toys strewed EVERYWHERE ( understandable granted) and they found toys they want to play with again that they hadn't in a while ( I rotate) so I let them play.

I have now asked them 5 times to help me pick these tpys up and get some order in the house again. EVERYTIME thier responce was , "NO! we're playing! YOU do it!" If you could only hear the tone.


I want to Pull a Dr. Phil and take ALL the toys and give them away.
WWYD? :

no body told me that 5 was the age of additude!

Hmm, I just do not understand why you think giving the toys away is the best option. Why not instead, say "It is your job to pick up the toys. I expect you to do it in the next few minutes (or before we eat or whatever time you decide)."

If they don't do it, try picking up the toys yourself. Then say "I picked up the toys because the house was too messy. It was your job because you took them out. Next time I expect you to do the job"


Be calm but serious about this.

Later that night you can say, "I do not like the way you talked to me when I told you to pick up the toys. Your tone of voice was rude. We don't talk to people in our house that way."

You may be suprised how effective this way of dealing with these issues is.

[charmarty]

ahh I feel better. dh is home now.

[charmarty]

hey maya. thanks for your responce. in case it was not obvious i posted this as a vent. I was not going ot throw my kids toys away. although i SURE felt like i wanted to.

you might be surprised to know that your method is one that i do use to deal with these situations. fact is, they are going trough a tough, defiant stage right now and i got frusterated. obviously we need a bit more of osmething here which is the reason for this thread. i am human ya know!

I came here to ask others what they would do. and thank you for sharing with me your ideas.

[aira]

Sorry, I got that they were purged. I just meant that by doing it slowly, there would be less cleanup.

I feel that when DS is "defiant" he really is feeling powerless about something and is exerting his will. So I let him if it's possible. If not, (at this point anyway, when talking won't be too helpful) I play rough with him and let him throw me on the bed - always a crowd-pleaser - or throw nerf balls everywhere, or play with his bowling set really loud in the hallway. Sometimes he jsut wants to scream various words for a while. That makes him laugh.

At this point we need those measure after diaper changes that are unwelcome and such things... He gets very demanding if his protests are unheeded. I apologize for not being able to do what he likes, and then give him a safe outlet to let off steam. Then we are friends again.

And then I make a very strong cup of tea, vent to DH or my mom, and let out my own steam. Unfortunately for me lately, I haven't had as much outlet for myself as I need.

But that's another post...

Take care of yourself. Give yourself an outlet. That's my best advice.

...and some hugs comin' your way!

[charmarty]

hey lady! your not spillin' whats in that tea!

You make great points. I suddenly remember all about playful parenting. tis easy to forget when we are in the middle of stress hey?

[mumto2]

My kids are 4 and 7 and boy do I know exactly what you mean!

This works a treat for our family. We set the kitchen timer for a reasonable time like 10 or 15 minutes or whatever seems like plenty of time to get the job done. I tell them they have until the timer goes to pack away. When the timer goes i will pack away whats left but theose toys will go onto the 'high shelf' until tomorrow evening.

The first time they thought I was joking and did nothing until the timer went off and I started picking up the toys. Then they started running in front of me grabbing what they could, obviously most of the toys went onto said 'high shelf'.

The next time I asked, I ended up with about a quarter of the toys. Now I only have to set the timer and I very rarely have a problem.

HTH

[aira]

I suddenly remember all about playful parenting. tis easy to forget when we are in the middle of stress hey?

Here, here!

I'll be right there tomorrow I think. Stressful day coming up... I'll try to rememer this thread!

[Crunchier]

Originally Posted by mumto2

My kids are 4 and 7 and boy do I know exactly what you mean!

This works a treat for our family. We set the kitchen timer for a reasonable time like 10 or 15 minutes or whatever seems like plenty of time to get the job done. I tell them they have until the timer goes to pack away. When the timer goes i will pack away whats left but theose toys will go onto the 'high shelf' until tomorrow evening.

The first time they thought I was joking and did nothing until the timer went off and I started picking up the toys. Then they started running in front of me grabbing what they could, obviously most of the toys went onto said 'high shelf'.

The next time I asked, I ended up with about a quarter of the toys. Now I only have to set the timer and I very rarely have a problem.

HTH

I do something similar with Ben. He is only 3, so no timer, and I generally still have to help him put the toys away. Usually at a transition time-he wants help with something, or a snack or a new toy from the closet or whatever- I tell him that first everything must be put away. I usually help him clean up, but I'm working on not. If he has too many things, I will pack up some of them. I just did this a few days ago and he thanked me when I was done. Initially we did it as a dr phil, earn back one a day thing, but he didn't want them back after about 2 days. Now most of the toys are packed in the closet and he must first pick up all the toys before having a new one, and then he must put them away and I put them back in the closet when he is done.

I don't know if that helped at all, but I hope I answered in some moderately appropriate manner.