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My cry for help... - Page 2

post #21 of 103
My preschool kids at school aren't as old as your son, but we have a little boy who is having some serious anger problems as well. We have been keeping a log to try to identify triggers so we can find a way to diffuse things earlier. We're logging anything that works to help the situation too. I think a log might help you and his therapist.

Diet might play a role too, I'd look at it anyway.

Not to be obvious but it sounds like at least this time, he wanted your undivided attention and he didn't think he had it because his sisters were talking too. Maybe you already do this, but if you don't, can you set aside a time that is just his and yours daily? I'm not saying that's going to totally change the situation, or even that it will help, but it might. Even if it's just you driving him alone to and from hockey or therapy or whatever.

also, has anyone taught you how to hold him so you're both (and anybody else who might be around) safe until he is back in control of what he's doing? If it were me and I didn't know how to do it, I would ask--if the therapist doesn't know how, they'll know somebody who does, I'd think anyway.

What a scary thing! I've seen a few kids lose control in my time working in classrooms, and it's never gotten easier to witness. I do feel better knowing what I can do to help, but I still feel horrible for the child, and it's just a scary thing to be part of. I hope you find what works for your family.
post #22 of 103
s

He sounds like he needs to have your undivided attention to help him through some stuff.

I know you are going through hard times.
more s for that

also, I agree with the food thing.

These are the foods that make my son crazy (and I have had to learn a kind of safe hold for him, and he's not even four yet):

wheat, corn/corn syrup, food colorings, artifical anything, soy, sugar, maybe too much salt, too

wheat is actually the biggest problem for us.

when I avoid all of these foods, he is much more amenable.

However, I know he was working through some emotional issues along with the food sensitivities, and it helped that we just had two solid weeks together over the holidays when his school was on break. I gave him tons of one-on-one attention.

more s
post #23 of 103
I'm so sorry...

I've been through similar experiences with my late daughter. (she had bipolar) She would be happy, calm and then fly into rages of verbal attacks and sometimes, physical attacks. There was no rhyme or reason, no preventing, and often there was no way to stop it until the rage ran it's course.

It's terrifying when your babes react like this. It makes you feel like a rotten mom.. You aren't though. A rotten mom would have left him on the side of the road and driven off. (a good mom might think of it but she wouldn't act on it. lol)

I have a book that might help.. "The Explosive Child: A New Approach for Understanding and Parenting Easily Frustrated, Chronically Inflexible Children by Ross W. Greene, Ph.D" It gives very helpful information on trying to ward off the rages, how to deal with them when they happen, etc. A lot of it is directed at parenting a child with BP, but may also be helpful to those whose kids just have the rages.

I'm glad your son is in therapy. Kids need a safe place to talk- mom and dad are great, but often they worry about hurting or upsetting us with things they say. A therapist can be the place they unload all the things that scare them - while not having to worry about freaking mom and dad out in the process.

Oh- another book... "Anger Mountain by Bryna Hebert; illustrated by Hannah, Jessica, and Matthew Hebert. This 20 page 8x10 full color story is perfect for any child dealing with anger issues. The book features stories about Robert, an elementary age child who gets angry easily but is learning several different ways of coping with it more positively. He’s not perfect, but he’s trying and he’s making progress.

"Anger Mountain is a wonderful resource for children who struggle with “mountains” of anger. Written and illustrated in a style engaging for children, their parents and other caring adults, Anger Mountain provides children with hope, support, and strategies for coping." Mary A. Fristad, PhD"

This one may be good for your little guy to read.

Be gentle with yourself. You ARE a good mom!

Janis
post #24 of 103
oh, man...your post made me cry. how sad and scary for both you and your ds. i am sorry for not having any constructive advise. i would ask your therapist for suggestions. i hope things improve soon for y'all. to you and keep your chin up
post #25 of 103
Oh you poor thing! How horrible to have to go through all of that and to have your lther kids watching it all. You must be soooo freaked. And I wish I could just gently rub some salve on thise poor mama hands!


My two oldest kids had 'issues' when they were young. I studied special ed and by the time my oldest was 2! I was seeking psychiatric help for her. (Unsuccessfully) SHe was always violent, kicking and screaming and impossible to comfort. I couldn't seem to get people to understand.

It was a nightmare and I aws a single parent.

My second was adopted and had super ADHD and then some anger issues, lack of impulse control, it was interesting.

I don't talk about this here. SOme people tend to judge and it hurts me way to much, esp since it's all history now and I can't change any of it. I still do research on my own, etc.

I'm telling you this for two reasons. BOTH of my eldest are now well-adjusted, sensible, loving, caring adults, with good jobs, good futures, dreams and are happy, in long-term relationships and at 23 and 26, have yet to produce a single child. (I LONG for grandchildren, yet I delight in the fact that my grandchildren might actually be raised in two parent families with their bio parents -adopted siblings notwithstanding!) As little ones, you'd never have thought it possible. In fact as teens, yuoud have had to been crazy to even think it could turn out so well. Kids make amazing ...I don't know...recoveries? after years of makingus think it can't happpen.


And if you ever want to tell someone all your woes, and know you won't be judged, just PM me. I have been in some tough situations with my kids and NOT having unconditional support is so very hard. If I can help, please let me know.
post #26 of 103
mama. I think you've gotten some great advice here; wish I had something to offer.
post #27 of 103
Quote:
Originally Posted by alegna
I'm glad everyone is safe. You need someone to teach you a safe hold for him in case he goes off like that again. I've worked some with special needs kids but I've never had to personally do it- seen it done though. I believe what you need is called a basket hold- you sit cross-legged with your legs over his legs and your arms around him. You should be able to keep you both safe until he simmers down in that position.

Sending you lots of hugs and love- I hope his therapist has some insight.

-Angela
ITA w/Angela. One of my student's mother's is a special needs teacher and she preaches about safe holds. They have been very effective w/her students.

s to you. I know you are shaken up, but are you okay physically? I know that he hit and bit you quite a bit. Take care of yourself! s
post #28 of 103
No experience here either, but wanted to send a
post #29 of 103
Wow, holy cow. I don't know what to say that would be supportive enough! I hope that your family can heal so he can be okay, and YOU can be okay.

Be careful of your hand where he bit it, humans have dirty mouths and you could get a nasty infection from his bites. If it starts looking angry go to a walk in clinic and get some antibiotics.

post #30 of 103
I am so sorry apmom, I know this has been such a hard time for you anyway. I'm so sorry. s
post #31 of 103
Hello.

This is not Kamilla, but Kamilla's husband... darling husband I hope!

I've been working with, um, well the popular phrase is "troubled children" for 17 years. I currently am the Director of a Behavioral Treatment Residential program. I am also a certified instructor if a nationally recognized crisis prevention curriculum.

That said... DO NOT place your child in a seated baskethold as described by pp! That position has not been used for the physical management of children in many years. That position poses a great injury risk for your child; child deaths have resulted in the past due to positional asphyxia resulting from adults holding children in that position.

Continue therapy, both individual and family. A good family therapist is likely to want to meet with both you and your son, as well as your son and his father (if that is possible and appropriate...) to try to get an understanding of what's driving his behavior.

Your son is placing himself and those around him at extreme risk. I would STRONGLY recommend contacting a psychiatric crisis center to have him screened. The crisis clinicial may suggest immediate intervention, possibly even hospitalization.

It may help you to understand if you adopt the point of view that ALL behavior, both that of adults and children, is their BEST ATTEPMT to deal with the situation at hand. Violence is often the result of the person having exhausted all other coping strategies. Also: Anger is almost NEVER a primary emotion. That is, anger is almost always an emotion felt AFTER one that is more difficult to experience: embarrassment, shame, fear, loneliness, powerlessness, sadness, hopelessness. Those emotions drain energy, while anger creates a temporary feeling of power, of CONTROL.

My understanding is that your son has had things happen in his life recently that could easily, especially for a 7 year old, lead to any or all of those "anger antecedents." You and your girls are easy targets because you are there. You are the prime target because you are the adult that is around... who better to attack?

Reach out to friends and family. Maintain contacts. Don't isolate yourself, or him. Your son has the best advantage when it comes to confronting and moving beyond these behaviors: you!
post #32 of 103
I'm sorry this happened. I hope you can get things worked out with him so you don't have a repeat episode
post #33 of 103
I, too, could not read this without responding.

My 6-year-old ds tends to react more aggressively than other children. Our youngest child has some serious health concerns and goes through long spurts of needing more constant care and attention. Ds1 has interpreted some of the medical attention as being positive (he thinks that when ds2 is in the hospital, he gets lots of toys and everything he wants to eat and lots of cuddling), so dh and I have made a more concerted effort to give him extra time--playing games, going to coffee shops or restaurants or for long walks while the other parent takes care of the baby. We've noticed that his most impulsive behaviors follow certain foods like corn syrup (big trigger) and dyes and other overly-processed foods so we follow a modified Feingold and he's really good about accepting that, even when his friends have certain foods, even at birthday parties, he can't. (Our younger son's special needs include severe allergies so the idea that he needs special foods, too, was a pretty easy concept to grasp.) So, certain situations, combined with the trigger foods, can lead to really unpleasant reactions.

I agree with irishtwins: watch for food triggers, see if you can chart what he's was eating within about 48 hours of the outburst(s).

Also, keep his schedule as simple and predictable as you can. Give him plenty of time to transition between changes.

I'm so sorry. That is so painful and difficult.

Missy
post #34 of 103
I, too, couldn't read your post and not reply. I have no advice to offer, but wanted to send
post #35 of 103
ita with kamilla's dh.

also, i wanted to add that i think you did a good job in very trying circumstances.
post #36 of 103
My thoughts and prayers are with you right now and your little boy. My heart is with you right now. Wishing you lots of strength and courage to get through this mama.

I wanted to add..i agree with the pp and how in control of the situation you seemed to be. I don't know if i could of been as calm.
post #37 of 103
ITA with kamilla's dh too!

I (kamilla) also have some experience with children with significant behavioral and/or mental health issues, but I knew that dh would be able to offer much more sound advice.

From what you described in your OP, I don't know if I could have handled the situation any better! You kept him safe, you got him home, you talked about it when he was calm.
post #38 of 103
Oh sweetie..I wish I had some sort of great advice to give you but, I don't. I was in that srt of situation years ago but, I was the child. Therapy is what helped me the most. My thoughts are with you and you family right now!
post #39 of 103
Quote:
Originally Posted by mama ganoush
ita with kamilla's dh.

also, i wanted to add that i think you did a good job in very trying circumstances.
Me too (on both things, Kamillas husband and how you handled it).

I am really sorry this happened to you. I couldn't imagine that kind of anger, and the danger you were in.....I don't know what to say.

We are here for you mama
post #40 of 103
I agree that you handled it amazingly well. I am sorry that he responded only to a threat, but I am glad that he responded to something!
Have you ever tried rescue remedy with him? If it works, it might be a good thing to keep in your purse
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