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My cry for help... - Page 5

post #81 of 103
Definitely look into the food issues. Sugar is rarely the culprit. Processed foods and, most especially, food dyes are usually the first place to look. When you mentioned this happened right after a trip to McDonald's, I thought "BINGO!". My ds sometimes gets out of control when he has too many processed foods and McDonald's is about as processed as you can get. (Note that we do eat there on a rare occassion, so I'm not putting you down for eating there.) Oh, and especially watch out for red dye #40. IME, red dye=

Originally posted by nicole lisa
This stands out for me because I really really suffer with being highly sensitive and with that, when I get overwhelmed, I get to the point where I can't take any over-talking or background talking, especially in a small space such as a vehicle, often cause the radio will be on as well. When I get over stimulated things start sounding freight-train-in-my-living-room loud and everything starts hurting my ears and I start feeling very angry as I try to find a way for things to quiet down. I can't continue my conversation because I can no longer think - everything around me - all the sounds, smells, textures - interupt and overwhelm me. So while my BF or friends wouyld tell me it's OK they can hear me it's not OK for me. It's taken me a long time to realize that's what's going on and that's what is triggering the anger. Often, especially when I was younger, I found myself screaming "shut up" in an attempt to make it all stop.
This is something I had wanted to point out, too. Eventhough *you* might have heard him just fine(funny how mamas can listen to so many things at once, eh? ), but *he* might not have been able to concentrate to hear you and it might have also have been that the noise was absolutely overwhelming for him. I wonder if some arrangement could be made that could help him when traveling. Do you think he might like to wear some headphones to cut back on all the different noises? And perhaps you could work out a signal or code word that would help him to tell you when he is getting past the point of being overwhelmed with noise/activity or to get your undivided attention?

Hope things get better for you. Take care!
post #82 of 103
Originally Posted by A&A
A book you may want to read (in general, not necessarily for this problem) is The Mind of Boys. One simple thing suggested in that book is make sure your son has enough water to drink--being at all dehydrated really stresses the brain.

He was absolutely WRONG (obviously!) but I think you were also wrong to take away/threaten to take away something he enjoys so much.......hockey. Boys really need a physical outlet for their energy.

So she should have rewarded his bad behavior then? Perhaps this is a child for whom total GD just does not work. That is a possibility, you know. The poor child seems to need more help than what is being given to him. But, I totally support what the mother did, even if some do not. I would have had a lot less restraint had my child physically attacked me.
post #83 of 103
Originally Posted by TinkerBelle
So she should have rewarded his bad behavior then? Perhaps this is a child for whom total GD just does not work. That is a possibility, you know. The poor child seems to need more help than what is being given to him. But, I totally support what the mother did, even if some do not. I would have had a lot less restraint had my child physically attacked me.
post #84 of 103
Wow, I love MDC. I think you've gotten some fabulous suggestions about possible culprits.

Ya know, that's the 2nd time I've seen that hockey blurb quoted. I think she was right not to go, but it does make me wonder if hockey is the right sport for him. Maybe karate would help him channel his aggressions. At least around here, hockey celebrates the aggressive kid.
post #85 of 103
I would definitely schedule a sensory assessment, with an OT or ask the therapist to recommend someone
post #86 of 103
I am amazed at how well you handled the situation - I dont know if I could have remained that calm

Hugs to you - I hope you have some time to take care of yourself.
post #87 of 103
Originally Posted by dallaschildren
you are very intelligent and brave to reach out for help.
I just wanted this repeated. I've been thinking of you and your family, mama, and am in awe of your grace and your ability to reach out in a crisis.
post #88 of 103
I've only skimmed the responses, but please make sure that you don't "neglect" the girls over this. They need to process his behaviour too, and shouldn't have to do without you at the same time.

I don't mean neglect as in NEGLECT, kwim?
post #89 of 103
Although I don't have any specific advise, I too wanted to add a hug and tell you how much I admire you for keeping your cool during the moment. I know I would never have been able to work as calmly as you did!
post #90 of 103
Try not to be too upset. At least you are trying to get to the bottom of it, and you will. I give you credit for not becoming violent yourself, especially when you were frightened.

And until you know the best way to handle his personal issues, discipline measures that seem harsh might be the best thing to do in the meantime. It might even make HIM feel better, deep down, to know you can impose some kind of limit on him. Children are frightened, too, by being that out-of-control. You can always restore the priviledge or end the punishment whenever you like.

If he has any sensory integration issues, even quiet talking from others might be so distracting it sounds, to him, like shouting. Some children are extremely sensitive to noise and distracted so easily it is a torment to them. Even children who don't have those issues per se, at around seven can be very adamant that they need absolute silence before they can speak. But if he also has these anger and control episodes, it might be sensory integration. I've heard the same scenario, almost, in variation, from others who discovered OT really helped. Good luck. It will be ok.
post #91 of 103
: I cannot imagine what you are going through now and don't have time to fully digest or answer just wanted you to know that your post brought tears to my eyes and I will be thinking of you and hoping that this can be sorted out. Poor mama, poor baby:
post #92 of 103
My first thought was that it sounds like some substance in his body is making him act this way -- food or a medication perhaps? Is he taking or eating anything different? My son was on a cough medication called B-Tuss once when he was about 2.5 years old, and he went absolutely CRAZY, throwing these huge fits, biting, kicking, screaming. It was horrible and SO not like him.

I'm really sorry you're going through this, mama. I would definitely talk to his therapist about this rage very soon.
post #93 of 103
I am very sorry that you are dealing with this difficult situation.

I haven't read all the responses yet, so please accept my apology if I am repeating. One thing that stood out for me is the fact that you were taking him to hockey. It is my experience that hockey is a very violent sport, and children who already have anger issues have a very hard time keeping their emotions separate from what they percieve as the game. I hope you consider removing him from such a violent sport, and put him into something that will help him bring out more positive aspects of his personality.
post #94 of 103
There are some physical issues that can cause rapid mood swings or rages. Thyroid issues springs to mind, hormonal imbalances, high or low blood sugar, nutrient deficiencies...just a few that pop to mind.

It might be worth getting a really thorough physical, complete with bloodwork.
post #95 of 103
Hope your son gets the help he needs and you don't have to deal with another outburst for a long time!! I am having similar problems and am trying to figure out what to do. I don't know your son's age but there is a cut-off age 13 here, where a parent loses the ability to put a child in mental health treatment without the consent of the child which makes it really difficult to get help.
post #96 of 103
How's everyone feeling today, mama?
post #97 of 103
Thread Starter 
We seem to be improving. He handled some disappointment very, very well last night,(he wanted to go to a friend's house before dinner/before homework, etc and he was tired from not going to bed the night before, and so I told him that it wasn't a good idea.) but he handled it very well, cried some and yelled a bit, but no violence. DD2 told me "I hate you, you stupid poopyhead"....but she's two. she's trying it on for size,

We have an appt tomorrow and I've writting down everything I can remember from that night, including things that were said, how I felt, etc....so we'll see what the therapist says. And I called a nurse that I know. Our ped just retired and there's not really anyone at our clinic that I like, so I called her and asked her to find someone that I could work with, someone that I'm not going to have to fight with over parenting/vacs/etc. She's supposed to get back with me today.

I don't know. I want to say that we're healing, but without knowing the cause, it doesn't feel like healing, more like.....surviving? Does that make any sense? But, I keep coming back here....reading all the love and support when I start feeling overwhelmed with it. And the bruises on my hand are starting to heal....Thank you so much for asking.
post #98 of 103
Just major, major hugs and support here, mama.
post #99 of 103
Originally Posted by APMom98
I want to say that we're healing, but without knowing the cause, it doesn't feel like healing, more like.....surviving?
Surviving is good. Hang on to that. I'm glad your friend is going to look into a reccomendation for a ped that will support your parenting choices - that is key.

Keep on surviving. Healing will come as you work through finding causes and prevention etc.

Hugs to you mama.
post #100 of 103
Just saw this - SOOO sorry that happened to you. How awful and scary.

First of all, I am sad that you felt you needed a couple of drinks (I myself enjoy the Mike's Hard Berry or Cranberry.... ) to come here for support. You did nothing wrong. You didn't cause it. You responded as well as anyone could have. I wouldn't have done as well. I strive never to hit my kids but would have in that situation, whether out of fear or anger or.... I don't know. You did an incredible job and you should feel absolutely NO embarrassment over what transpired.

Second of all, I would try to not hold on to the words he said. Kids get to a certain age and learn that they can hurt us with words. He was angry. My dd1 is nine and more in control of her emotions these days but when she was younger, she would resort to mean comments if things didn't go her way sometimes.

Sounds like he has a lot to deal with right now. I am glad he is in therapy; that can only help I'd think - assuming you really like his therapist. I agree that he needs a good physical outlet. Are the hockey practices and games in any way violent or physically aggressive? If so, that might not be the best outlet for him. I agree with finding something else if that is the case.

He needs that one on one time with you. It is hard for us as parents to really WANT that when they are being so impossible to be around sometimes. When my dd1 went through her hard stage, everyone told me to spend one on one time with her - I didn't want to! It was all I could do to get through the time we had to spend together; I didn't want any extra! It was a very hard time for both of us. We survived it; you will too.

The physical part is what concerns me. If he can hurt you, he most certainly can do some very serious damage to 3 and 2 year old girls. He clearly has some anger control issues. He is not a toddler; he is seven. He knows it is out of control. And when his godfather pulled rank on him, he dropped right into line. So he was not as completely out of control as it may have seemed. He wasn't "out of his mind"; he was able to pull it together when he got that phone call.

I really don't think the physical threat was so terrible. It will not be popular on MDC but that was an awful situation in which people could clearly have been seriously injured or killed. Telling a seven year old to stop it or he will be spanked doesn't seem at all out of line to me. But I never claimed to be super GD either... GD is great and works for lots of people on this board. But the situation you described went beyond what GD could do. Really, is the threat of spanking worse than him getting hit by a car as he runs across the road? Or causes a head on collision?

I would up the number of days per week he sees the therapist, with an emphasis on anger management. Personally, I would look into some medication for him - you have two other small children and are doing this by yourself right now. You can't have what happened that day happen again. No one wants to put their child on meds but maybe a 30 day trial on something low dose? I am generally very anti-meds for kids but it is needed in some cases.

I hope I didn't say anything that makes it any worse for you. I totally feel for you and think you did a great job that day. It will not always be as hard as it is right now. Take care of yourself during this time too. Do you have a friend or sibling who can babysit for you once a week so you can go out with a friend or something? Keep us posted on how things are going.
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