bizarre disciplinary measure

[chinaKat]

My friend's oldest son is almost 9. He was being punished when we were visiting over the holidays.

His crime was jumping on the furniture. Apparently he's already been yelled at numerous times for doing so -- he keeps saying "I forgot I wasn't allowed to do that."

His punishment was that he wasn't allowed use the furniture.

He couldn't sit on any chairs in the house.

When we all sat down to dinner, he had to eat on the floor.

What do you think? (I have my own thoughts, but want to hear yours...)

[juju's mom]

I think that is a horrible! A child should not be embarrased like that. Way to go on crushing his spirit. There has to be another way. How demoralizing.

[Rhiannon Feimorgan]

I'm not sure it's something I would have done, but it does fit with the consequence having something to do with the action. If my ds is missusing a toy (ie throwing it at his baby sister) it will be taken a way for a while. I think it was going over bord to ban him from all the furniture, especialy as it ended up with him eating on the floor, perhaps just the pieces he was jumping on (sofa or whatever) I'm willing to bet he wasn't jumping on the kitchen chairs.

[Evan&Anna's_Mom]

First, I gave up trying to keep the kids from jumping so they got a mini-trampoline for Christmas just so I wouldn't have to fight this battle. Now they have somewhere to jump and I don't have to be constantly on them about furniture.

I agree that discipline shouldn't be embarrassing to children. Therefore, in front of company should be a no-no-never-never in my mind.

I admit that have said "If you can't use the furniture properly, please stay on the floor". But I wouldn't ever carry it beyond the moment. And I would limit it to the furniture that was being abused at the time.

This seems over the top in severity and unnecessarily shaming.

[rumi]

I would have eaten on the floor with him.

[TinkerBelle]

Originally Posted by Rhiannon Feimorgan

I'm not sure it's something I would have done, but it does fit with the consequence having something to do with the action. If my ds is missusing a toy (ie throwing it at his baby sister) it will be taken a way for a while. I think it was going over bord to ban him from all the furniture, especialy as it ended up with him eating on the floor, perhaps just the pieces he was jumping on (sofa or whatever) I'm willing to bet he wasn't jumping on the kitchen chairs.

I would not have carried it over to the kitchen chairs, but I do not see anything wrong with consequences for your actions. Some people do not want their furniture looking like something from a dumpster. Before someone pipes in, I DO value my children more than things, but I also am a firm believer in learning to respect things too. My kid's happiness is not going to depend on whether I allow them to jump on the furniture or not. There are other things they can do to have fun. We do not have ulimited funds to replace broken and torn up furniture every few years. I also broke my nose jumping on the couch when I was a kid, so I do not want that to happen to my kids.

[PancakeGoddess]

It's a logical consequence, if you're into that kind of thing, but it's also degrading, which defeats the purpose of any attempt at discipline anyway. And in front of guests! Ick.

We have a mini-tramp in our livingroom right now. And a slide, and a rocking horse, and they STILL jump on the sofa, but not very much.

[aira]

ITA that this is a rediculous thing to do to a child.

Sounds like they are thinly disguising demeaning, humiliating punishment behind the idea of "natural consequences". You can't impose a natural consequence.

I agree, I would also have eaten with him on the floor.

[rumi]

eating on the floor is not humiliating and is nothing to be sad about. of course making one person eat on the floor while others eat at a table is mean and humiliating, but i think that if we all ate on the floor we could demonstrate that eating together is higher priority than having furniture and if we cant have furniure now we can wait till such time as we can have furniture. there is nothing wrong with not having furniture, or having less of it.

only when these are out there are real choices, i think that child will be able to think through the 'consequences'

but hey i am new at this, correct me if i have erred :-)

[aira]

...

[aira]

Rumi, I'm with ya, if I understand correctly.

We actually sit and eat on the floor most of the time. Not using furniture is not degrading... It's the context of being shunned that makes that child's experience humiliating.

[sapphire_chan]

Wow, do his parents always overreact like that? I mean, if you're driving with them and ask "could you go a bit slower please?" do they slam on the brakes? Yeesh.

I'd think a better consequence would be not using the furniture without adult supervision. So if he goes to sit on the couch, he has to clear it with an adult first. And basically use that and "sweetie, remember you need to ask first" reminders as a way to make him more aware of his surroundings.

Having him eat on the floor was rude to everyone at the family gathering, unbelievably rude.

[UnschoolnMa]

Originally Posted by chinaKat

His punishment was that he wasn't allowed use the furniture.

He couldn't sit on any chairs in the house.

When we all sat down to dinner, he had to eat on the floor.

(Bold emphasis mine)

That's terrible. I think it's just absolutely terrible.

[dharmamama]

I think that's mean. The parents were probably frustrated to the point of trying to be extreme to get the message across, but it's still mean.

I have told my kids to stay off the couch before when they were repeatedly climbing on the back and falling on me while I was sitting there, but I would never ban them from all furniture use.

Namaste!

[sunnysideup]

Originally Posted by TinkerBelle

I would not have carried it over to the kitchen chairs, but I do not see anything wrong with consequences for your actions. Some people do not want their furniture looking like something from a dumpster. Before someone pipes in, I DO value my children more than things, but I also am a firm believer in learning to respect things too. My kid's happiness is not going to depend on whether I allow them to jump on the furniture or not. There are other things they can do to have fun. We do not have ulimited funds to replace broken and torn up furniture every few years. I also broke my nose jumping on the couch when I was a kid, so I do not want that to happen to my kids.

I don't think the OP was asking if children should be allowed to jump on the furniture. The OP was asking if this specific punishment was appropriate. This is a forum about gentle discipline, which imv is teaching without hurting or shaming. So, it's perfectly ok to teach kids not to jump on the furniture, just not ok to do it by shaming or hurting them.

[chinaKat]

Originally Posted by benjalo

It's a logical consequence, if you're into that kind of thing, but it's also degrading, which defeats the purpose of any attempt at discipline anyway. And in front of guests! Ick.

Right.

This was my reaction, too. I thought it was horribly humiliating for the poor kid. That's what I told DH on the way home, too.

I can't believe I didn't think to sit down there with him.

[TripMom]

I think it is humiliating to the child - and thus contrary to core GD principles.

[TinkerBelle]

Originally Posted by sunnysideup

I don't think the OP was asking if children should be allowed to jump on the furniture. The OP was asking if this specific punishment was appropriate. This is a forum about gentle discipline, which imv is teaching without hurting or shaming. So, it's perfectly ok to teach kids not to jump on the furniture, just not ok to do it by shaming or hurting them.

I realize that. I can read, I promise, LOL. '

I also think the people went a bit too far with it. And the way they did it was mean. Especially in front of other people. It is one thing to tell the child to stay off of the furniture they are jumping on, but another to make them eat on the floor. That is not good.

I just forgot to put that in my post. Thank you.

[captain crunchy]

Woah, that is horrible....just horrible imo.

Man, that is just....woah.

I can only imagine how the child must have felt...

[writermommy]

I understand that some would feel the need for a consequence here, but this is extreme. Removing the child from the family seems humiliating and cruel. If they must restrict sitting at meals, at least let the child stand at the table. At least this wouldn't be as humiliating. I wouldn't do this either, but it's better than eating alone on the floor like a dog.