Help me get DS to stop apologizing for everything!

[Rigama]

Okay, I don't know where this goes, but this seems like an appropriate place for it.

My DS will be 4 in a couple of months and he's recently started this kick where he apologizes for EVERYTHING, no matter how small. It's starting to worry me a little. We are rather GD (though not entirely...we have done time outs and some things are simply non-negotiable) in our approcach with him and have never "forced" him to apologize. When he's hurt someone or something we've encouraged him to "Find a way to help me(the cat, your friend) feel better" Sometimes it's a hug or kiss, sometimes it's "I'm sorry I___" To us, all of those are acceptable. But about 3 weeks ago he just started apologizing for the smallest things. A typical interaction will go something like "Whoops, looks like some water splashed on the bathmat, let me go put it in the washer. Please be careful to keep the water in the bathtub." "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to splash water all over the bathroom"

Or...

"Heehee..Your shoes are on the wrong feet!"
"I'm sorry I put them on the wrong feet."

I feel like a horrible mom here! It makes me feel like maybe I yell at him and force him to say sorry all the time, even though the reality is, I DON'T! I'm not sure what to say to help him stop. I just don't want him feeling like he's to blame for small things, KWIM? We've tried telling him things like "you should only apologize when you've done something that is not okay on purpose" but it's not working. Any ideas???

Thanks mamas

[UmmBnB]

Perhaps he's just practicing a new understanding about the whole concept of politely apologizing.

[johub]

Yeah it sounds to me like he is just experimenting. This isnt something you caused or you have to stop.
My kids apologise to toys if they drop them. Or the wall if they bump into it.
My DS even apologised to his penis after coloring on it with a marker.
Joline

[fek&fuzz]

Maybe he was exposed to apologizing somewhere else - a friend's house, a tv show, daycare/school, a book, a relative - and he's just trying it out.

[luckylady]

My DD is 3-3/4 and she also apologizes for everything! She is SUPER SUPER sensitive by nature, and at first I worried that i was making her feel shamed/guilty but it's not me - it's her internal self. She is sensitive and she is also a perfectionist - I see this tendency in her already. She tends to be very hard on herself when she makes a mistake.

I saw this when she accidentally told DH one of his christmas presents - this child managed to NOT say anything to me OR DH about what we got...and when it slipped out her face fell, she ran to her bedroom and closed the door and cried and cried!!! it actually kind of freaked me out that she could be so hard on herself.

So when she apologizes for things she doesn't need to, I just explain that she needn't take responsibility for certain things. I am hoping that this will help her see the difference...and I also talk to her about the fun of making mistakes - that there ARE no mistakes, just ways of discovering what doesn't work.

Maybe your DS is the same way...

[mom2owen1]

Originally Posted by johub

My DS even apologised to his penis after coloring on it with a marker.