or Connect
Mothering › Mothering Forums › Mom › Parenting › Stay at Home Parents › how do you retain your identity?
New Posts  All Forums:Forum Nav:

how do you retain your identity? - Page 2

post #21 of 25
Quote:
Originally Posted by sparkprincess

I know friends who obsess about their wedding for years, their job, the house they're building, their new pet, on and on and on. Why should I find their constant chatter about those things more interesting than what I have to say about my little family?? Why do people think it's okay for our identity to be based on our job but not our family??
good point. why is it socially acceptable for my best friend to blabber on and on about her jerk boyfriend but if I talk about my child for longer than three sentences I feel as if I'm being boring? I literally force myself not to talk about the baby to my friends unless they specifically ask. oh well.

I feel as if I lost my pre-mom identity too. I used to feel....different. It's like ever since I started showing in pregnancy I've felt my sexuality pretty much melt away. So one thing I did to help was instead of taking quick, utilitarian showers, was to find and actually USE all those spa product type thingys people have given me over the years. now I do the pumice stone on the dry areas on my feet, use some nice good smelling shower gel stuff with a body brush, and moisturizer after. it takes an extra 10 minutes but makes me feel better suprisingly.

I can't make myself leave my baby just to be independent though and I don't think anyone should. besides they are only little once
post #22 of 25
I figure when I talk about my baby I am talking about my job, my love and my hobby. Of course I have other loves (dh) and other hobbies too but my neediest hobby and love are the baby right now Certainly my husband has yet to spit up all over me at the grocery store and make a really good story to tell
post #23 of 25
I haven't read through all the posts, but being a mom is my identity at this point.

There will be many years ahead to do other things.
post #24 of 25
I struggled with this too when dd was about 6 mos. Face it, everything that we do is for them. Every thought and gesture is for them. We do it without even thinking about it. It usually happens from the moment we know we're pregnant. Our life as we knew it instantly changed.

I guess the key is balance. I needed to remember to leave a little for myself. Something that's just for me as a woman and not as a Mother. I make an effort (even if it's just once or twice a month) to go have some tea in a cafe with a good book or take a walk by myself.

It was also critical for me to connect with other Mamas in IRL. Playgroups, playgrounds, anywhere another Mama would be.

FWIW, it gets easier. DD just turned 2 a week and a half ago. She's developing independence. It's bitter sweet. Time flies and before you know it...well, you know the rest.

As for your question, I believe my identity has changed my whole life and will change again. Being a Mama is just adding to my list of things that are a part of that identity.

Hang in there, Mama. You sound like you're doing an awesome job.
post #25 of 25
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jasmyn's Mum
Face it, everything that we do is for them. Every thought and gesture is for them. We do it without even thinking about it. It usually happens from the moment we know we're pregnant. Our life as we knew it instantly changed.
Well said. I agree with you there. This fact is actually harder for my husband to understand sometimes. I am constantly talking about baby baby baby and how wonderful he is and omg he made the cutest sound yesterday etc etc... It feels like I never talk to my girlfriends anymore, or rather we have nothing in common to talk about. That was when I realized my life has revolved around baby.
New Posts  All Forums:Forum Nav:
  Return Home
  Back to Forum: Stay at Home Parents
Mothering › Mothering Forums › Mom › Parenting › Stay at Home Parents › how do you retain your identity?