Is this PPD, or just being overwhelmed?

[assenavadnama]

I had my second son in October. My first is 3 years old - very sensitive and slightly out of control. My partner works 14 hour days, and combined with travel time he's usually gone 16 hours a day, 6 days a week. My kids are lucky if they see him twice a week. I have no family in our city (we are moving back in the summer, thank God) and no help.

My baby doesn't sleep, and as I've mentioned above, my toddler is very hard to handle. I find myself crying constantly. I feel like a single mother (well, technically I guess I am) and am having a hard time handling it all.

My partner will come home, shower and go to bed. He is too tired to take a load off my hands by even holding the baby for me. The other day I begged him to spend 10 minutes with the baby at MIDNIGHT, just so I could shower. I got out of the shower to find the baby crying his eyes out and he had fallen asleep.

I've pleaded and cried that he use his ONE DAY A WEEK he has off to stay home so I can have some time alone, but since it's his only day, he usually spends it with his friends. Apparently what I do isn't important enough to require some down time. I am pretty depressed. There isn't an ounce of happiness in me these days.

[FancyD]

Hugs mama! You sound like you are in serious need of help. Can you get a mother's helper at all? A few hours a week might do you wonders...

[kimmie-pooh]

You really do need some help. Sorry to sound callous, but your dh needs to get a clue. Is there any way you can have an honest conversation with him about what is going on? More

[kimmie-pooh]

Oh! And to answer the question in your title. . . It sounds like you may be depressed because you are overwhelmed and getting no help from anyone. It sounds like you don't even get affection from your dh.

[Pat-a-Cake]

You must be really hurting at being treated this way by your 'best friend'. I'm very sorry. The job of mothering is held in such contempt by a large part of society but when it infiltrates your own home it must be devastating. It is outrageous to read a mother describe her impossible situation and her worry is that there must be something wrong with her (illness of PPD). It is a sad commentary on how we treat mothers. It ishard what you're going through, that's because being a stay-at-home mother is the hardest job in the world.

I do have PPD and I found that there is a lot of support in the community. I also live in Ontario. The support I have found is in the Public Health Nurse. They have a program called 'Healthy Babies, Healthy Children'. A nurse comes to my house weekly to see how I'm doing. Just having a regular visit makes me feel supported. It is an ongoing support until I feel that I don't need it anymore. If you do call, it's important that if you don't feel like you're connecting with the nurse to ask for another one to ensure the help is effective.

If your doctor thinks you have PPD, he/she can make a referral to CCAC - Community Care Access Centre. They will provide you with nurse visits and child care workers. I was told it is Ontario wide so I assume you would have access. I have a child care worker come to my home for 10 hours a week. It has been a difficult adjustment for me because I have been "supermom" ha ha . My kids had never been cared for by anyone but my husband and I.

This may all be more than you're ready for right now, however you do need to do something to help yourself. It may also provide a wake-up call to your husband. Something he desperately needs. If mama isn't happy then no one is happy. You are the most important person in the household.

Love and courage to you.

:

[kangaroo_mom]

Hugs to you mama! And your husband seriously needs a good kick in the pants! Falling asleep with a crying baby while you take a shower?! Seriously I'm in shock!

Are you religious at all? Even if you are not, most any congregation/Church would be glad to help you out (and not just to try to convert you either, by the way). Probably any Methodist, Catholic, or LDS Church would have women willing to come help you out, lend their daughters for babysitting, bring you some meals, come hold your baby while you get a shower, etc. I'm guilty of not requesting help through my church, and I know I need to get over my pride and just do it. I'm not saying you're prideful, by the way. I'm just saying I Need to take my own advice sometimes, lol.

I hope you get some help!

[kimmie-pooh]

How are you?