BFing with teenagers in the house

[ellie_may12]

I noticed that other women on here have older children and wanted some advice....

I will be a FTM in March and have 2 DSSs who were not BF and have already expressed how "gross" it is that I plan to BF. Any suggestions? Or comical replys to have tucked away if and when they comment on my BFing in my living room? or in public? *gasp* Yes, I do plan on doing that too!

One has already told me that I am NOT to BF anywhere but my bedroom. Sorry, sweetie, I don't make you eat in your bedroom or with a blanket over your head...although it would make dinner time much more pleasant!

Humor is probably a better way to go with these two...

[RachelGS]

I just did it as a matter of course with my teenage stepson around, and he adjusted pretty quickly. Tell them you hardly believe they find breasts to be oogie in other contexts, and that if they're interested in breasts overall they might as well develop an appreciation for what they're for. Let them know that you don't appreciate them saying that feeding your baby is gross. If they don't want to watch, they may go to their rooms.

[Ruthla]

I suggest educating them on human lactation, with a big emphasis on humor. I've heard great things about the book "so that's what they're for" though I've never read it personally. Maybe show them some "Hathor the Cowgoddess" and "Baby Blues" cartoons.

[bobandjess99]

Hopefully, they will not have a problem with it once they see it and get used to it....I have 4 dss's, and to be honest, the oldest one, who was 20ish when dd was born, was certainly uncomfortable, but not negative, and the 3 little ones, 8-12, just accepted it as a part of life...
I must admit that actually, it makes me happy to see how the little boys have come to view nursing as natural and normal....they live at our house 50% of the time, as dd was a CONSTANT nurser when she was younger, and due to my EXTREMELY HUGE, pendulous breasts, "discreet" nursing is not a remote possibility....it's more like "where's the crane? I need this puppy lifted and moved to somewhere near the baby's mouth..."

Anyway, my suggestions would be to be as comfortable and matter of fact about it as a possible...it is simply another activity....don't make a big deal out of it...if they are typical teenagers, you could be doing anything and embarass them, probably..LOL!

Also, I always advocate for not using the "breast is best" wording..Breast is NORMAL, formula is INFERIOR...

best wishes,
Jess

[NaomiLorelie]

I say if your attempts to educate them with humor fail, a research paper is in order. Tell them they can criticise when they have something educated to say.

[Slabobbin]

I would forgo the humor and actually do some education.

My friend has a teenaged son and a one year old and he came around very quickly and is now an advocate.

[paquerette]

Originally Posted by ellie_may12

One has already told me that I am NOT to BF anywhere but my bedroom.

Did he really put it this way? : How is your relationship with them in general? From this it sounds like they have little or no respect for you, that they feel that they can order you around in your own home!

[hunnybumm]

They sound like typical teenagers to me. I would just try and educate them the best you can now. Once the baby gets here just nurse when and where you please. I have two BILs who are 15 and 17. We went to visit them when DS#1 was 3 months old. I hadn't learned to nurse using anything other than the cross cradle hold, so I was less than discrete. They never made any comments or anything, but with #2 they (along with MIL) came to visit when he was 1 week old. Needless to say we were definitly still learning and I was totally not diescrete again. Again, there were never any comments or anything.

I am sure they aren't lactavists, but I bet they see BFing as normal just from the exposure from me. Not to mention that they were also BFed, though only for 6 months each. However, DS#1 was still nursing when we went to visit them when I was a few months pregnant. DS was around 17 months or so.

Also, I go to visit my family around ever 3 months. I have two brothers who are now 16 and 18. They are very outspoken and at times very rude, boys. But they have NEVER made any negative or rude comments about me BFing. We have never talked about it, we don't have that sort of relationship yet. But I really hope they see BFing as natural and normal. It also helps that my cousin's girlfriend exclusivly BFed her daughter for 7 months, and they really look up to my cousin. I have also BFed DS#1 (he was 3months, 6 months, 9 months, 12 months, 14 months, 17 months) in front of my brothers friends. I really hope that my exposure has stuck with at least some of them.... and it should as much as some of them were at my moms house!

[alegna]

I ran into a similar situation lately with a teenage ex-student (male...) We were at his house working on his mom's computer and dd of course nursed a couple of times... first time he says- could you TELL me next time you're gonna do that? I don't want to see that. SO... me being the darling and accomodating person I am next time dd asks I say "WARNING- I am going to feed my daughter. Do NOT look here. Beware, you might see breasts. I repeat- do not look in this direction (latch baby on here...) I am now nursing the child. Do not look over here. In this direction there is a chance of seeing a boob. Do not look over here..." etc. I think he was starting to get the idea....

-Angela

[velcromom]

Depending on their age, if you choose to go the education route you might find www.007b.com helpful.

[Mrs Dimples]

I think humor is the way to go. I also think that making a big deal out of ahead of time is not going to get you anywhere. I know when I was a teenager (and still, actually - you know how you kind of revert to your childhood self when you're with your parents sometimes?) my mom would try to initiate a big heart-to-heart about something I was uncomfortable with and the more she pressed it the more I clammed up and the more resentful I felt. I would just see how they deal with it when it's actually happening. Frankly, it is not up for discussion since it is your home and your child and they'll just have to figure out a way to deal with it. Tell them congratulations, this is part of learning to be an adult!

The best way to avoid this with teenagers is to not have it be an issue in the first place, but obviously that wasn't your doing. They'll get over it.

[Meiri]

Are they planning to apply the "eating is to be done only in private" rule to themselves too? Or is it only the baby for whom eating is disgusting?

I think if DS copped an attitude like that, I'd toss a blanket over his head first time I saw lips open when he was chewing.

He was 8.5 when DD was born, so we haven't had an issue. Even now, as far as I can tell, breasts aren't private parts, though I don't push it...

[minkajane]

I spent the weekend with a friend of mine when DS was about 7 months old. Every time I nursed, she'd warn her husband so he could stay out of the room. It didn't bother her for him to see me nurse, but it bothered him. Did I mention that he's a complete and utter PRUDE? Once, he walked by the living room door when I was nursing and she yelled "Still breastfeeding in here!" so he would walk in.

[ellie_may12]

Originally Posted by paquerette

Did he really put it this way? : How is your relationship with them in general? From this it sounds like they have little or no respect for you, that they feel that they can order you around in your own home!

Yes! That is what he said. He said it in front of his Dad too. I quickly told him that no I would not be doing that. He is 16 and has no respect for his mom either. Funny thing is...he and I have a better relationship than he and she do.

[ellie_may12]

Originally Posted by velcromom

Depending on their age, if you choose to go the education route you might find www.007b.com helpful.

This is a great site! The Nursing in public part was very informative.

Thanks ladies! I think I am going to use a little humor and a little education. I have been working on DH and getting him to advocate for me. I think it will be easier to deal with once the baby gets here.

Thanks again!