Awkward bfing debate

[momileigh]

A fellow student and I kind of went at it today over bfing. She has a lot of kids and didn't bf them, and she was talking about bfing like she really thinks it is asking too much for us to expect all of our moms at the birth center to bf.

I didn't like her attitude (although I really do like her!) so I went at it, pulling out all the stops in regard to bfing not having any benefits (because it is the norm) and the risks of formula feeding, etc.

The awkward part was that two of her kids were there. The kids who were not bf'ed. And I'm sitting there telling her that formula lowers IQ, heightens risks of obesity and cancer, etc. I was very civil, and I didn't go too far with her as far as being too confrontational... but I wonder if that was bad form, talking about that in front of her girls?

Or was it a good thing, seeing how they are girls and don't have that pro-bfing example set by their mom? They are 7 and 9 years old. I just couldn't help but wonder if they were sitting there starting to feel bad that they were formula fed and wondering if they were less than perfect because of it. KWIM?

Please weigh in. I'm not sure what to think.

[phathui5]

I'd think that your average seven year old probably doesn't care either way yet. I wouldn't have at that age anyway. With the 9 year old, unless you were pointing out that her kids could have been affected by the formula, I think it's good for her to hear the information.

[JamesMama]

If she brought it up all you were doing was stating the facts. I hope those girls carry that conversation with them and do better for their kids (not bashing moms that honestly can't bf ((hugs)) to you)

[jaclyn7]

As long as you were not personally attacking her, merely pointing out the factual differences between breast feeding and formula feeding I don't see anything wrong with your debate.If she didn't want her children exposed to it, she should have simply told you that it wasn't a good time & that she would discuss it later.

Furthermore, (& I'm assuming based on your signature) if she plans on being a successful midwife she needs to adjust to the predominant culture of that world. Natural births, natural living, and breast feeding go together like me & hot sauce (hmmm hot sauce ).

[Janice in Canada]

I don't think you can be wrong, if you were telling the truth.

You may have been the first, but those girls will hear the truth over and over in the years from now until they have children. There is more and more information and education about breastfeeding. They will hear it on the media, and from health professionals. They will see mothers breastfeeding.

I think as long as you were somewhat respectful and professional in your tone, this shouldn't *scar* them, and they may have learned something from you.

I mean, how many of us are mad or blame our mothers for not breastfeeding us? I think we all understand how the culture can be unsupportive. I certainly hold no malice to my mom for not bfing me.
Janice

[Ruthla]

If this woman was "just a mom" I don't know if I'd have brought all this up with her- it sounds like all her kids are past weaning age anyway. But since she is/will be working with expectant and new moms, she HAS to be educated about human lactation so that she doesn't misinform any of her clients. Bringing up all those points was perfectly appropriate. I'd also try and emphasize with her that you're not "attacking her" for not BF her kids- she did the best she could with the information and resources she had available to her at the time. Now that more is understood about BF, she has an obligation to provide CORRECT information about infant feeding.

[Jasmyn's Mum]

JMHO but I think that they needed to hear it and that's why they were there. Either way, Mama, there was an impact made and that's usually a good thing. Like a pp said you can't be wrong if you were telling the truth.

[Finch]

Uh, yeah, I find it very odd that a student midwife is so...well...almost anti-bf. That's just weird. Not to mention counter-productive. I think you did the right thing.

[mamaverdi]

Yeah that! to what Finch said. What is the world? I also think you did the right thing. Wow. Do the midwives at your birth center not um interview people about their personal birth and breastfeeding choices and council them what is and is not appropriate to give as information to their clients? That woman is a liability.

mv

[momileigh]

Well thanks everyone for backing me up!

I was actually shocked to find out she didn't breastfeed her kids. I mean, this woman is 1. a midwifery student, 2. a mom of, like, 7 or 9 kids (can't remember which), 3. a mom who had natural labors and births, and 4. is concerned about her own diet and nutrition to the point where she won't have a cup of tea that is caffeinated!

The whole conversation started when she said something like, "Man, I HATED breastfeeding. I only did it for a little while with my first. It was just WAY too confining." I mean, I was nearly FLOORED. And my reaction was a little emotional, but like I said I don't think I went too far. When another bystanding student asked her, "So what are you going to advise moms as a midwife?" she shrugged and said, "I'll just tell them pros and cons of each." I seriously had to pick my jaw up off the ground before I went off.

Our birth center is very, very pro-bf. I have heard that if a mom states before the birth that she absolutely refuses to breastfeed, then she won't be allowed to continue care with us. And I've never seen a mom not breastfeed immediately after birth at the center. MAYBE a few years of this exposure, and after taking the breastfeeding class that we haven't had yet, she'll change her mind?

Toward the end of the conversation, even, she seemed to be changing her tune a little bit. At some point she said (not in a defensive way), "I really just didn't have any support at all." To me that sounded like a concession. The thing is, she needs to come around to being SAD that she didn't have the support, and she needs to regret that due to whatever circumstances she didn't breastfeed. I'm not saying she needs to be riddled with guilt at this point in her life, but I don't think she should look back and say, "I hated breastfeeding and I'm glad I quit right away and never tried again."