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Welcome, New Three-Year Olds! - Page 10

post #181 of 209
Hiya mamas--anyone here remember me? I think about you all often. It's amazing that our littles aren't so little anymore and some of you have more littles since I was here last.

I had an ectopic pregnancy last year. We've been trying for another, but haven't been all that successful. I just started my walk with fertility treatment yesterday. Hopefully it won't take too long.

Anyhoo...just wanted to pop in and say "hi".
post #182 of 209
Rachel, I had good intentions of emailing you this week, but this week got away from me It is wonderful to see you here, and to hear that you are doing well

I hope your heart's desires are fulfilled soon

Welcome Back Mama
post #183 of 209
Originally Posted by punkprincessmama
Rachel, I had good intentions of emailing you this week, but this week got away from me It is wonderful to see you here, and to hear that you are doing well

I hope your heart's desires are fulfilled soon

Welcome Back Mama
Thanks Carrie! I miss you all and have missed MDC as well. When Owen potty trained, I kinda felt I lost my "home" on the net, as I did so much hanging out on the diapering boards.

My biz has been keeping me incredibly busy sewing, which is awesome. I've been poking around MDC today and it's been so fun. :*)
post #184 of 209
I'll introduce myself here. I have a newly 3 yo named Jimmy...he turned 3 Feb. 11th. I haven't gone back and read all of the posts (there are SO many!), but I have a question for you all.

Have you found that your 3 yo has dramatically changed since their bday? Jimmy has been SO much more independent virtually over night. He wants to do EVERYTHING for himself (which he NEVER did before...he'd always say "I can't do it...you do it.") His behavior has also changed a lot. He was "difficult" to say the least, and now he is wanting to please us all the time. Knock on wood.

Is he the only one? I didn't see this kind of change when my oldest turned 3...maybe because she was already very independent by then.
post #185 of 209
Lindy is another one who seems to have changed quite a bit, starting right around her birthday. Not a change for the better, unfortunately. She's desperate to go with me every time I go upstairs or downstairs (not a totally new thing for her, but she's a lot more frantic about it lately than she had been for a while). And she desperately wants to hold my hand on the stairs most of the time, which is a new thing. At night, she's started sleeping as close to me as she can possibly get. I think she'd sleep right on top of me if I let her. She's also starting to be more annoying when she talks to us - creating things to argue about unnecessarily, asking "why" over and over again in situations where it doesn't even make sense, just generally being relentless about trying to get us to interact with her.

I'm not sure how much of it is being 3 and how much is due to having a new baby brother. I suspect a lot of it has to do with the new baby - though I see you've got a baby about the same age, Bethany, and it sounds like it hasn't had the same effect on your 3 year old.
post #186 of 209
Nice post, casina. "Keep on truckin"

Welcome back, Brayg! Of course we remember you!

I do hope it gets better for you soon, Rynna!!! Come here and vent anytime you want to! Listening (reading) is the least we can do to help you in this tough time of yours. PM me your address and I will send you some Large FBs for Boobah, and I'll try to find something cool for BeanBean. I do hope you can get some much needed rest and relaxation. I for one agree with the glass of wine idea...

We have Julianna's birthday party tomorrow. She'll be 3 on Monday. I remember the first time I held her. She had been sleeping, I picked her up, she looked up into my eyes for a few seconds, then went back to sleep. When I brought her home she curled up on me in such a way that I imagined what it would have been like to have her inside me. I could tell her mother's belly must have been so tiny. Julianna was a tiny thing- big head and belly, very thin arms and legs. Anyway... Glad I still have her here with me today. She's so much fun. :

Both my kids (DS and foster DD) have really changed in the last few months (right around turning 3.) They have been talking a lot more, and entertaining themselves for longer periods of time.

Neither of them are really into tracing letters yet, it seems like the hand-setady-ness isn't there yet. I got a bunch of those wipe-able books for learning numbers and letters, and the kids really like them but they just scribble. We are working on counting, cutting, gluing, tracing shapes, painting, smearing- mostly artsy crafty stuff. Zachary can recognize Z, J, D, and sometimes C which he mixes up with U. He always tells me "It's twenty a'clock, lets go!" He's always ready for something... My friend gave me picture frame with a definition of the name "Zachary" and it said that he is 'Active, energetic and restless, and is always ready to respond to any situation.' If I had known about that I might have named him something that meant 'peaceful and calm at all times'.
post #187 of 209
just shows how different personalities are. i came across something today mentioning locke's theory of tabula rasa and i just had to really laugh, especially at myself for wondering how much of what they do is my fault. i got a good quote today in my email: "if you can't be a good example then you'll just have to be a horrible warning." catherine

for my kids, independence and neediness go hand in hand.
post #188 of 209
have any of your kids been doing this?...

DD:"I want to wear my necklace."

Me:"Well, you should wear it then."

DD:"I don't want to wear my necklace!"

Me:"Don't do anything you don't want to do, Haven."

DD:"I want to wear my necklace." (and by this time, she's on the floor crying)

Me:"I never said you had to, or didn't have to wear your necklace, please just do what you want to make you happy."

DD:"I don't want to wear my necklace!"

etc. etc....

I guess most of the time, she needs a hug/snuggle perhaps, or for me to talk more in depth with her about something? Why do you thing they do this?

[and by the way, ITA that my DD changed almost overnight when she turned 3]
post #189 of 209
Thread Starter 
BeanBean changed a lot at about 2 years 5 months, I think... He's certainly changed since then, but the big jump seemed to happen around 2.5. All of a sudden, he was just very un-baby-ish. His sweet, lovey babyness seemed to melt away. By the time he got to 3, he was already much more of a little boy than a toddler. Over the past few months, he's gone through another shift; the easiest way for me to describe it would be to say that he's gone from preschooler to kindergartener, but that's not really accurate (especially since we're homeschoolers ). I dunno. He's odd, and loveable.

Thank you for the good wishes. I'm still feeling pretty miserable. I'm trying hard to be optimistic, but it's just not happening... too many steps backwards, you know? As to the glass of wine, we don't have any white wine in the house (red gives me migraines), besides which it's totally out of the question to have alcohol with vicodin. Not that I approve of the amounts of *either* that I've had during this pregnancy! I'm really concerned about how I'm going to manage my pain in the last weeks of pregnancy. Taking a narcotic when you could go into labor at any moment is a scary thing, because it can depress the baby's respiratory efforts; same with alcohol (a CNS depressant). When I think about these things, I become horribly demoralized and depressed, and I feel guilty about all the vicodin and alcohol that I've had during the pregnancy (like when I was drinking half a glass of wine every night in an effort to get some sleep, or taking a vicodin every morning just so that I could walk : ). My brain is screaming for me to stop, and I have been taking only the bare minimum to get by, but it's been long enough that I'm really starting to get worried. I just don't know what else to do... it's not like I can just sit around in bed all day, I have to get things done. Ick, life sucks.

Anway, because my physical life has been so sucky, I've been paying more attention to my spiritual life. I feel better about that; when it comes to spiritual matters, I can feel as though I'm accomplishing something and making good progress just by reading and thinking and discussing ideas. These are things which I can actually do (most of the time) without excessive pain or extreme depression, so I've been trying to spend time at it every day. I think it helps; I mean, I'm generally less miserable when I finish than when I begin...

Jaz-- BooBah does that sometimes, because she doesn't have the words to explain what she means. Instead of answering, I tend to repeat what she's said back to her as a question; this encourages her to think through the response, and sometimes gives her other words to express herself. So, if she said, "I want to wear my necklace," I'd ask her, "Do you want to wear your necklace?" and go on down the line. She could mean "I want you to wear your necklace," or "I want to wear your necklace," or "I want you to wear my necklace," or any number of other things. Maybe, "I want you to help me with my necklace," (putting on/taking off). I can think of dozens of other things that she might have meant, but been unable to articulate clearly. It's very easy to get confused at this age about what you're trying to say. It happens to BeanBean sometimes, and he is *exceptionally* verbally adept. His vocabulary, syntax, and the sophistication of his speech & subject matter is just ridiculous for a three year old, but that doesn't stop him from confusing words sometimes (especially when he's tired/hungry/anemic/whatever). He's still a little kid, and he can't always keep up with himself, iykwim.
post #190 of 209
Lindy doesn't exactly do what you're describing, Jaz, but she does sort of get herself upset or turn conversations into ridiculous arguments for no reason. Like she'll ask me if I'm going to do X, and I'll say "no" and she'll say, "I think you ARE going to do X," and then get all upset about it. And telling her again that I'm definitely not going to do X just gets her more upset.

She also has this new tendency to catastrophize everything. Like if we can't find something right away, she wails that we will never find it and it will be lost forever. Or, to give a particularly ridiculous example, this evening she declared that cooking peas in water would "destroy the whole earth!"

Another more positive new thing is that she's suddenly able to pronounce a lot of new sounds in words. She can now say "th" and "sh" and consonant combinations like "pl" and "st." She can even say "spider." She's always pronounced it "siber," but the other night DP said they were playing with a paper airplane when she paused and got thoughtful and then said, "Siber . . . siber . . . spider."
post #191 of 209
Thread Starter 
Originally Posted by Daffodil
She also has this new tendency to catastrophize everything. Like if we can't find something right away, she wails that we will never find it and it will be lost forever. Or, to give a particularly ridiculous example, this evening she declared that cooking peas in water would "destroy the whole earth!"
BeanBean does this all the time. "I'll never be able to ___ again!" and so on. The whole world is going to end because Mike won't let him play with his car keys, for example. It's kind of cute, b ut sometimes he gets really worked up about these things and it's so sad...
post #192 of 209
Hola everyone! Razi is asleep on my lap so just sayin hi til i can type more later (w/ both hands)
post #193 of 209
Good to hear from you, Jaz. Sounds to me like Haeven is just testing you, trying to get your reaction to various situations. I'm no expert by any means, lol. I bet she's a little actress, huh?

A message from Julianna- kkjjjjjjjjjjjjjj JJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJ

OK, so Crystal has this backpack that she carries around almost everywhere, and she keeps her special toys and books in there, along with any other toys that she happens to be obsessed with that week. The little kids aren't allowed to open it or play with the toys without her permission- it's kind of her own private little thing that she doesn't *have* to share with anyone else. Well, I've been having trouble with her sneaking food into her backpack. Mostly it's soda and candy (which we don't have that often, just as a treat, like for the party), or apples and yogurt. She'll sneak it and hide it in her backpack until later. One time she laid down on her backpack and punctured a can of soda, and because she's deaf she didn't hear it and didn't notice that it was leaking everywhere until it was a huge mess. I had to rinse off all the toys inside and throw away two wooden puzzles because they were soaked and warped. I found an old brown apple with bites taken out of it once. And the two times I found a yogurt cup in her backpack they were room temperature, so God only knows how long they had been in there... I try to make it a habit of checking through the backpack casually, and if there's food in there I take it out and tell her no, but sometimes I don't get to check it and I'll find something nasty, like the old apple. I know that psychologically speaking hording food can be a sign of some problems, but I'm not sure this behavior is actually "hording". I'd like to think that it's just being sneaky like "normal" nine year olds, and she knows her backpack is HER property so she hides the food in there, where she thinks on one will find it. My sister had severe Reactive Attachment Disorder, and I know Crystal is bonded well and doesn't have issues that severe, but I still get concerned because I know that sneaking food is not considered "normal". And it's not like she's limited with the food she eats- if she goes to the fridge or pantry for something I'll usually let her eat it because: a) she could stand to gain a few pounds, and she's growing like a weed; b) she's 9 years old and perfectly capable of deciding when she's hungry or full, and deciding what she wants to eat. So, I'm just wondering WHY she does this food stealing thing??? A because she's deaf the communication barrier is an issue here because I can only tell her that what she's doing is wrong, I can't go into detail about WHY it's wrong, so to her it probably seems like I have no real reasons for telling her not to steal food, I'm just being a meany... So, can I have some advice here please???
post #194 of 209
Thread Starter 
I have to tell you, I used to hide food all the time, too. It's like having the ultimate control over your life, for when you're feeling out of control. I'd just make a rule about not putting food into her backpack; perhaps you could find a different space for her to keep food items, one which would be out of reach of Zach & Juliana, but someplace that you could go through regularly?
post #195 of 209
It probably is a control thing with her. I have noticed that as she gets older she gets more assertive when it comes to doing what she wants to do. I think it means that she's getting more comfortable with herself, and more secure in her environment. She's now realizing that she can piss people off to get what she wants and we'll all still love each other.

It does help hearing your take on it, Rynna.

Right after I posted here I found another brown apple in the garbage in her bedroom, with only two or three bites taken out of it.

Anyway, I won't flip out about it... I don't like that she's doing it, but I won't read too much into it. Maybe I'll get her a little bin for a few snacks and she can choose what she wants out of it. A little extra attention and she'll probably stop the sneaking...
post #196 of 209
that's me, the food stealer. i make myself to go boxes at parties. of course i'm old enough to get permission or have some sort of vibe of okay taking and now everyone just expects it of me. i think it embarassed dh for awhile. might have something to do with the need to gather and find and have. of course in my mind it is not stealing though that's what it looks like. certainly has to do with being able to claim something as mine only. this morning my kids found a bag of chocolates and goodies a friend gave me around christmas. i didn't want to eat it, and forgot to share it, and never bothered to throw it away after running across it a few times. i just liked knowing that it was there.

but then i have my own issues. i'm not the sanest person to ask. she does need to ask permission though, because taking without asking becomes a habit. every now and then i will find myself leaving with a can of coke in my pocket from a party with tons of them (because i love them and shouldn't drink them and won't buy them because my kids want them too) and i will wonder why i need to do that really) she is also old enough to learn to determine when is a good time to ask, like after everyone is done eating. and that may take the habit out altogether by disrupting the scheme. and maybe it is completely related to her being deaf, that it is too much trouble to ask. i guess one thing i have taught my kids is how to forage appropriately (!! there's part of the unschool curriculum) like they can take pinecones and acorns and rocks and build with them, give them away or paint them or just admire the pile, they can tie dandelions and clovers. this world does not have enough natural venues for foraging, in my opinion. the art of focusing on finding and acquiring is a wonderful and simple feeling of self sufficiency. now we live in a world where people use that skill towards shopping. it is the main reason i bother to garden at all, just so that my kids and others can find and pick for the delight of it. and myself.

you should have seen us the other day at the spanish town mardi gras parade, soaked to the skin in the rain, picking glittering beads and treasures off the curbs after the parade. the weather was so bad most people ran for shelter. i had to help them be discerning and declare quits so that we could leave and get dry and warm up. it's so funny, ruby collected almost no beads and about fifty cups and a bunch of little plastic footballs. clay picked the unusual items that caught his eye. reed took a well rounded arrangement. they all wanted all the doubloons - fake coins. fortunately all the candy and stuffed animals were muddy and soaked.

i'll tell you about the chicken foot next time.

if it were me i would help her to learn to do all the steps of a simple recipe, perhaps on a certain day of the week. at some point this could include the selection of ingredients at the store. i think it would be something that i would eventually expect her to learn and be able to do alone so that she can have full force of control and full basking rights. of course this includes cleanup. some people want to do something new everytime and some people thrive on making the same thing (cake, spaghetti) or the same thing with variations. it has the same kind of focus, has less to do with her deafness, and a relatively quick gratification and feeling of usefulness and success.

my opinion on jaz's account : she can't find the limit and she is asking for one. it is too bewildering all the choices especially with all the opportunities available in this world. give her a limit. you can start with, i have a necklace i like to wear for parties, or, i have a necklace i wore everyday until i turned four and got a better one. or you can say, wear it with these shoes, or other external concrete conditions she can understand (i was going to say days of the week but that takes more managing and you have to feel up to it - reminding what day and probably endless questions and possible anxiety about what day at this age). these are conditions that that you are willing to abide by forever if needed, so apply foresight like this means having the necklace packed if you are bringing the extra shoes somewhere until she gets more flexible. they are too young to know how to arrange to world with how they feel. and yes, this puts us in an helping/enforcing position with added responsibility. it is better than saying wear it because i say so however, because then they have anxiety about your moods and whims and can pester you for approval. this is somewhere related to them learning to discipline themselves, by abiding by these little rules.

daffodil, i have to laugh at your examples because that is something like what i deal with concerning clay. it shows imagination and passion in your girl and how delightful she can be. i try to be light and laugh about it but sometimes he gets his feelings hurt. sometimes i just have to completely agree so that he has nothing to fight against. i can't remember how i dealt with it at three though. it sounds like she is finding where she has control and is possibly pressing your buttons. if it is making you jump to her, then it is working, and that is okay if you are okay with how it goes for the family. maybe i would find a ritual for myself for those instances since i am moody. i wonder if i didn't get upset ever if they would get unnecessarily hysterical at all.

i'm bemused i am throwing advice here and there. i have had a remarkably emotional weekend with my dh being furious at me and it's technically over now, but much stuff to deal with in the long run.
post #197 of 209
Leah, I like casina's suggestion about doing something more w/ it as opposed to just saying no. I personally do the opposite of what people tell me, just cuz I [I]really[I] don't like being told what to do.

Jaz, Razi will do things like that all in one sentence. Like: "I want to go outside I don't want to do outside" all in one blurred statement, although it's been awhile since he's actually flipped out about something like that. I really like what casina said (again)

Casina, I love your posts! I'd just been thinking about Jaz and Leah's issues and have this thought and idea but can't put them into a sensible way. Then I come here and you've said it perfectly!

I've been dealing with morning sickness over hear. I'm going to make an appt for acupuncture as I've heard that can really help. So far it isn't quite as bad as w/ razi but I'm still miserable and tired of the guessing game w/ food. Like is this food going to taste good or make me puke? I've been eating tons of cucumbers soaked in rice vinegar and sprinkled w/ salt. Real healthy I know...but so good. I was reading somewhere that ms is usually happening from 7 to 12 weeks. I'm not even 7 weeks until Saturday!!

miss you all

Hi birthjunkie and Daffodil!
post #198 of 209

thinking of you all, but no time for a real post.

take care mamas
post #199 of 209
thanks sarita. these are things i've had to learn painfully because living without the village makes you adapt in strange ways. and things you will all know more easily and clearly when your kids are seven! it's amazing how much you learn so quickly due to necessity (by that i mean instead of going insane, or sometimes going insane first and knowing i have to change and try things until i get it better). i hate being bossed to and have a long way to overcoming my temper - i even had to hold back getting mad today when reed got hurt, which doesn't make any sense at all but it is my body's reaction. maybe i had no decent model for good parenting so here i am parenting myself, as fast as i can so i can model it. there's something about having two boys first and then a girl two years apart as well.....

for me, morning sickness is helped by eating frequently - i guess that's why it is called morning sickness, since it it more likely to happen after sleep and no food for awhile. i had to make myself eat or drink something in the middle of the night. the rainbow light prenatals and rrl tea helped me as well. i hear it is generally due to your ovaries being stretched to the limit regulating hormones that your placenta will do much better, and then you are exhausted making that big fancy organ as well. cucumbers and rice vinegar? much much healthier than what most people are craving and eating at the beginning anyway and don't feel bad about the lack of variety i think that is overrated. almonds are natural antinausea, as well as ginger i ate alot of candied ginger with ruby.
post #200 of 209
Thanks for the advice, mamas. Crystal has paralysis on the entire left side of her body, so she does need some guidance and supervision with cooking and cleaning, although of course I encourage her independence. (She's the type that if you give her an inch she'll take a mile, so we do have to be careful with what we allow her to do.) I've always been really lax about letting her open the fridge or pantry and pick out a snack if she's hungry, so I don't understand why she feels like she has to sneak the food and hide it in her backpack. Probably just a way for her to feel like she's in control of *something* in her life.

The little ones have been absolutely CRAZY today. It doesn't help that I'm moody and I twisted my ankle this morning. I really don't want to spend the day feeling sorry for myself, so I'll go find something more useful to do...
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