or Connect
Mothering › Mothering Forums › Childhood and Beyond › The Childhood Years › Welcome, New Three-Year Olds!
New Posts  All Forums:Forum Nav:

Welcome, New Three-Year Olds! - Page 5

post #81 of 209
the thing is, the word school means so much in one word and has different meanings for everyone.

honeybee, if i lived in portland i probably wouldn't be 'where' i am.

again, i tend to see schools as the extension of the community and the beliefs of the parents. of course it isn't that simplistic. but i don't even truly see my children as they are and whether i am succeeding most of the time with homeschooling and staying home. often they are large hungry whining monsters i'm just keeping at bay. (i'm working on it!)

but then i see members of my homeschoolgroup. the children are simply beautiful. the teenagers are astonishing. their faces and hearts are open, and they are a pleasure to be around. and my kids fit right in. so if i were picking a school, i would look at the kids first. i would have to find them likable and want them to be a pleasant group around my own kids, at all the grade levels. this would give me a good indication of how they are treated at home and at school, regardless of credentials and styles. and i would guess that all of us here are conscientious parents. or simply trying. so school or not, we mammas are the original influence because we are active. school is not everything. it just happens to take the same hours to deal with a 40 hr work week. don't give school THAT much credit. that's what my parents did and most of the people here do - expect the school to do all the parenting and give up the responsibility. that is the big mistake - losing the social responsibility. and i'm missing some of that too. i have a good friend that has her child in public school because of their beliefs in it. but there's just too much i see that i don't like.

lilmiss, i have the ten year copper paragard. it works as it should. i am surprised my body hasn't kicked it out after three years. i got it to salve my marriage. and it has. i am anemic at times, and have always had heavy seven day periods. so this exacerbates it. the cramps are like teenage sometimes. i hate it around af which i have now, but am more accustomed after all this time. i don't feel it and i got it even though i have hypersensitive skin and it goes against my general ideals of whole bodies, keeping a foreign object in me. but it's what was needed and does the job, and i'm thankful for it - my marriage wouldn't be where it is without it. i know that theoretically i can get it out in a jiffy without side effects.

so i was thinking last night how there has been multiple mention of obstinate and clingy behaviour. i've been just living with it thinking ruby has a cold or is fighting one and it will eventually go away - sorry if i seem so lackadaisical..... but anyway, when behaviours get extreme, and obviously is age related, it is usually an emotional spurt. often for littles dealing with independence and dependence - growing up. just stick to your regular boundaries, try to validate and respect the need. now lets see if i can follow my own words.

i'm feeling a little weird, my fil asked my mil for a divorce. after 30 yrs and four grown kids. i'm scared and pissed off for her. i'm impressed by how my dh is handling it.

amy, don't ever worry about stuff backfiring. practice diverting that energy into something else. yes, me and a friend joke about how our kids will rebel and be the kinds of people we despise when they are extra contrary. but i think it is impossible. or that if they are such opposite types superficially, they will feel loved and know the basics of nutrition, even if they fail to practice it. even my own folks - i loathed and feared them growing up and felt they failed me for a long time, and it was the basis of avoiding their mistakes that i began parenting with. but i looked at me and my brother and sister at christmas. we are fine. my parents did okay in some parts, or maybe they didn't have much to do with it after all. and most of their grief is about all the decisions they made. not too long ago my mom told me maybe if we hadn't moved to louisiana i would have ended up at harvard and implied i could have married someone with wealth or potential (she likes dh, just wishes we had money) HA HA HA. i didn't even finish college. and i was already purposely doing no homework before high school. and i like the way i am. i wouldn't trade all my terrible learning experiences for any of that. now that i'm relatively rested and not in the midst of crisis, that is.
post #82 of 209
Thanks for the link, Rynna. I will check it out.

I liked your ideas on schooling/unschooling, Casina. You are so wise. And Julianna sounds a lot like Ruby in the defiant behavior. It doesn't matter what we are doing, Julianna will argue to do the complete opposite. It's hillarious and annoying at the same time.

I guess my views on homeschooling would be a mixture of classic and unschooling, if there is such a thing? That's what my mom did, anyway... We'd have days when we did absolutely no acedemic/book work, but we learned a heck of a lot about every day life. We traveled tons, driving back and forth from WA and AZ, we backpacked in OR and Canada, we raised chickens, turkeys, horses, dogs and rabbits. We grew food, and cooked it. We made clothes and quilts. We entered our projects in the fair exhibits. My mom made us watch Anne Frank's Diary and Schindler's List for 'history' and we all cried. My brother and my dad put a new engine in our car. We learned so much more by not being "taught" with a strict curriculum and schedule, but we did fill in our workbooks when it was required. So I was hoping to do something like that for my kids- a little mixture of everything. I want to keep it fun, and interesting, for all of us.

I didn't have a problem with public schools as a student, but now as a parent I have some major issues... If I do "let" Zachary go to school it will be a private school, and you better believe I will be involved in every aspect of his learning there. Crystal goes to public school obviously, and Julianna may go to preschool there, but the special education program is way different than regular ed, and I have a hand in what goes on.

I am not in a hurry to phase out the nighttime diaps- in fact, I am just fine with sleeping through the night! I know it is laziness on my part, but they'll get it sooner or later, right? I remember wetting the bed until I was 4 or so- I was such a deep sleeper! I still use Pull-Ups for them on long car trips- I was sick of washing those darn carseat covers. Plus, in a bizarre way, the kids really like their diapers- the whole ritual of picking out the jammies and the diaper at bedtime. I think they like having that little bit of baby-ness still around...

If I hadn't miscarried in July I would most likely be holding my newborn right now... (DH's ex-wife had her third little girl recently, and she found out she was pregnant when I did.) She is 26 and has been divorced twice. This is her third daughter, fourth child, with the third father (different one for all the kids but two). I can't help but be jealous of her. Why should she have another baby to put on state health insurance, and add on more food stamps and WIC checks and government assistance money??? The universe is crazy that way...

I have baby fever, to say the least. I so want another one right now! Ask me again in two weeks and I will say that I am content with the ones I already have...
post #83 of 209
Thread Starter 
Leah-- I totally understand not being in a hurry to get rid of nighttime diapers. I have mixed feelings about BeanBean being out of them. On one hand, he'd need large fuzzi bunz and I don't have any; on the other, I already feel like I have problems with treating him fairly because he's so "old" in so many ways... if he was in diapers, I could at least have that bit of "babyness" to hold on to. Right now, all I have left is the fact that he's in a rear-facing carseat, and that will change when we put BellyBean's seat in (obviously no later than BellyBean's birth ).

Then again, I still desperately need large fuzzi bunz for BooBah... Anyone have some that they'd be willing to trade? BeanBean trained out of mediums and petites, so I've got a bunch of those, but BooBah has hips and buns and puts out an *extreme* amount of urine so she needs larges (at least!) that can be stuffed to within an inch of their lives and worn under wool to keep us from floating out of bed in the morning.
post #84 of 209
I pm'ed you, Rynna...
post #85 of 209
well, one of the things that I felt worried about w/ Razi's school is what kind of parenting style do the parents of these kids have? yk, cuz it greatly influences the way kids are obviously. well, there are a few mama's that I'm getting to know (whose kids are new this year too) and both of these mamas extended breast fed. Now I still don't know much else but I thought that was really cool. Razi also really likes these two kids and I've invited them over to a play group today. Razi is so excited and I'm excited to hopefully be meeting moms that I have things in commom w/ . They both subscribe to mothering mag too. So there's potential!

post #86 of 209
I need friends like that, Sarita! Hope it goes well today and everyone has fun.

Well, I *think* DH is ok with TTC again... I brought it up last night (after he'd already had some wine ) and he didn't say much... But first thing this morning he asked me "So, were you serious about wanting another baby?" and I said "Yes", and he said "Oh, I thought you were just drunk when you told me that." : Not exactly the best reaction, but I think I can persuade him... I just know that if I don't have another one I will spend the rest of my life wondering 'WHAT IF...?' kwim?
post #87 of 209
Originally Posted by DecemberSun
I just know that if I don't have another one I will spend the rest of my life wondering 'WHAT IF...?' kwim?
I know 100% what you mean! Dp was slightly balking at the idea last night and he did bring up some good points but I really don't care, I know it won't be easy but I always knew I'd have 2. It's weird, I can feel that there is someone waiting for me to be their mom. I don't really know how to describe it.

Leah it would be so fun to be preggo together!! more fun if we lived closer, but oh well.
post #88 of 209
Thread Starter 
You should see if you can find guys who have more kids than you have to talk to your husbands about it. I have told Mike that I'm already a bit bummed out at the idea of stopping at four, even though I know that we have no money and . I totally thought that he was just going to write me off, but he's made an effort to talk to other guys at work about having more than 2/3/4/5 kids, and what he's heard has encouraged him to keep an open mind. It's a good thing.
post #89 of 209
Hi everyone,
I sometimes followed the Nov/Dec 02 thread but don't remember if I ever posted....I have a Nov 02 "baby", and a new wee one, both girls. We love them dearly but are stopping at 2.

Sascha is my 3-year-old...she is quite the "threenager" sometimes, I gotta say. Melodramatic to a fault! But she's also insightful, fun, silly and fascinating to watch.

She's very physical and loves jumping and climbing, and is way more coordinated than I was as a kid (or probaby am now). She will not allow me to pick out her clothes (she can dress herself except for snaps and zippers on pants), and usually wears at least 2 shirts (she's worn up to 5 at a time though). She's been daytime PTed since about May, though we did EC with her since about 7 months (we were lazy and only caught poop, lol). Still wears a diaper at night....still nurses to sleep if I will let her...still nurses during the day if I will let her. Sleeps in her own bed though, also since about May.

She has great spatial memory and is always noticing things that match or are similar. She shows no interest in reading yet, but loves to type out people's names on the computer (the only 2 she can spell herself are "Dora" and "Ed", lol).

I think she's just starting to wrap her brain around the idea of death...I mentioned to DH that his aunt's beloved dog had died (she sent an email to us) and Sascha spent the next 5 minutes saying, at regular intervals, "He DIED....He DIED?" I don't think she really gets the concept yet, though we've discussed it a few times in different contexts.

Hey Rynna - I PMed you about the FBs. And I love the knit socks! I just started learning how to knit again. I have done one scarf and one hat, and am tackling a mitten now.

all for now....bed is calling.

post #90 of 209
Thread Starter 
Hi Nancy! I don't remember you posting on the other thread, but I wasn't there from the beginning, I just kind of jumped in later on.

Do any of your little boys have an obsession with the color pink? BeanBean has pink and white shoes, and loves pink *anything* right now... It's kind of cute, but I get funny looks from people. My mother was with me when we went shoe shopping, so she totally understood how I got to the "anything that fits" point, but that doesn't change the fact that BeanBean will chose to wear pink over any other color just about any day of the week. He also asks for nail polish (generally purple; I don't think he's ever seen pink nail polish) and ponytails in his hair all the time. I don't think it's unhealthy, just a little... odd, maybe? Is this because he's not in daycare and therefore not exposed to the whole "boys don't wear pink" thing?
post #91 of 209
for me, having more than one child is an exponentially rewarding experience. but it is indeed different and harder and can change the way you control things - though the women i know with two girls seem to have an easier time keeping control than other combinations. the bigger the spacing is easier on mammas physically.

sarits, that sounds promising and it's always good to broaden or improve the social spectrum.

i have found however that sometimes commonality with friends is not as important as compatibility and respect/suspeding judgment. it's not always simple to predict the dynamics of the personalities and the sex/age attributes, and i've been surprised with people i've been drawn to that things didn't work out, or became more compatible later, and families i thought i had less in common with that have a balancing element. i've also been lucky to find friends that have older kids who are full of wisdom and grace.

our bills totaled over our income this month, and this is before food and expenses. with ruby at three and fairly independent, this is a space in time where we can consider me getting a wee job or starting an enterprise. though haven't done anything yet. perhaps i am too lazy or just having too much fun where i am at - i am finally not seriously sleep deprived and emotionally struggling and have finally sort of got the hang of appreciating my life and my kids. dh is working on raise and promotion and interestingly, not so keen on me finding a job anymore. so this means making babies is on the backburner for me. i'm actually considering the concept of being content with three. honestly, i'm more attached to the idea of being pregnant again and having another girl than really considering dealing with another combination of dynamics. but then having babies is not supposed to be such a premeditated thing, especially for me, so it is all odd odd odd.....
post #92 of 209
yah rynna, it's just cos he's young. clay was fine with all that until sometime this year - of course daycare and teasing older boys can speed it up but at some age/development there will be more awareness and interest on his part about what he perceives as being male.

just enjoy it while you have it, and keep what you can to certain parameters for your own limits. like he had red suede shoes and i took the hearts off. he still wears and prefers a girls cut knit old navy lo waist pants - don't tell him! since boys stuff is baggy or woven. it can get annoying - the adult smirks and i don't care to invite adults to insult my children. that's how they see it anyway. reminds me of a friend's thick boyish boy at four wearing pink hello kitty slippers and shirt. he was taking all his big sister's stuff. some things can be confined to home and friends (like nakedness?). and for some reason, people fret less about my boys' pink hair gel as they get older. the general public is never going to get the sexes of my kids right anyway though, even when clay wears a darth vader shirt and is holding a fake knife. a few weeks ago even a little girl asked me if "she" - pointing to clay, could play with her. i asked him what he thought of that afterward. he said he didn't know her. i was proud and relieved.

my general concept of development - not sure where i got it and sure it will change as i have more experience - is 0-5, learning about mamma, 5-10, learning about daddy or next closest person, 10-15 learning about other people, 15< going into the world and learning about self. i see lots of sweet peaceful boys get suddenly interested in guns and sticks around 5ish. they really think we are missing out on the penis too.
post #93 of 209
Rynna- can you share what books/workbooks etc you are using in your homeschooling? We are considering leaving GA at her family daycare another year instead of sending her to preschool next year. Isabel (dc provider) really LOVES her and GA loves Isabel. I think another year of free play in a loving environment may be better for GA right now than a formal pre-school. My only concern is that when we go to 'apply' to schools for pre-k and beyond she will not get in b/c she hasn't been to preschool. I think I might like to homeschool her a little in addition to Isabel's daycare next year.


post #94 of 209
Rynna~ A few months ago while shoe shopping for razi, there was a pair of girls clogs with bright girly colors and fake fur and really eye catching and those were the only shoes he wanted. they were $50!! otherwise I might have gotten them as play shoes but no way! He also wore a dress (he has one) to school the other day. I tried to get him to wear something else, only because of teasing that has been going on and the kids already get confused by his longish hair. But he insisted and it was fine. I figure, if that is what he likes, well then he can do it. I know eventually he will probably move out of that phase. He did request to have his penis taken off the other day tho

Welcome Nancy!

Casina~ I totally agree w/ the respect/compatibilty thing. Tavis has a friend who has almost identical ideas about things as I do but our personalities clash so badly that I will be fine if I never ever see or talk to him again. Tavis would be so irritated cuz we would fight over something we agreed upon.

Yesterday went good tho. Of course you can't have instafriends all the time but we had a great ol time chatting about all kinds of stuff and the kids did good together as well. I have also been hanging out w/ another gal I met who I like alot but our kids don't do that good together and it makes it hard,yk?
post #95 of 209
Thread Starter 
Sure! We are child-inspired classical homeschoolers, using The Well-Trained Mind as a guide. BeanBean is doing The Ordinary Parent's Guide to Teaching Reading (reading, obviously; without the magnet board and letters, but he's having a good time anyway ); First Language Lessons for the Well-Trained Mind(grammar; I do a fair bit of editing and often offer different poems and pictures for narration than the ones in the book, because a) we're Jewish and b) even I have decent, useful art around the house for picture study ); Primary Math 1A (aka "Singapore;" You can read a bit more about it on the math thread that I started over in Learning at Home and Beyond); We've read a little bit of Story of the World, Volume I: The Ancients, but BeanBean isn't terribly keen on it at this point, and I certainly don't feel any need to push him. He's learned an awful lot of biology this year, but very little of it has been deliberately presented to him by me; he's just been spontaneously interested in biological concepts, so I've been more than happy to provide books and videos from the library and whatever else I can find to do. He helped me start a bunch of seeds on Sunday, and if I was counting hours I would definately have counted that as "biology," kwim? I absolutely *love* the Real Science 4 Kids biology, and I think that BeanBean would have the time of his life with it, but it's not in the budget right now. Instead, I've been coming up with random activities (or he has ) and I've been altering activities from my old college lab book. It's almost frightening to me how easily some of those labs can be adapted for use with a k/gs-a student. Rather, it's frightening to me to remember my classmates complaining about how difficult some of the labs were...

What else... Oh! We've just started Handwriting Without Tears: Letters and Numbers for Me. I don't have the teacher's guide or the wooden letters (or even a slate, but I hope to get one soon) but we've been talking about letter shapes and I know that BeanBean is really looking forward to learning how to write his name.

BeanBean is desperate to start MCP "Plaid" Phonics because ChibiChibi did those last year when I home educated her and he associates them with "really going to homeschool." I'm probably going to start him with the purple K level book just because his writing skills aren't on par with his reading skills. The way things are looking, by the time I have the cash to buy it he'll probably zoom right through it like nobody's business.

I'm working very hard to introduce more Judaism to BeanBean, so we're doing Torah Study when I can remember it ( ); this will pick up a great deal in a few weeks when we get our tax refund and a new computer which won't crash every time I try to open the Torah Tots site. I've been brushing up on my Hebrew and introducing BeanBean to already-familiar words in Hebrew (colors, body parts, etc). I found a really great site with aleph-bet coloring pages, but I can't remember it's URL off-hand; it is definately linked to a thread that's linked in my signature (click on the "I Homeschool" icon). My SIL has been playing a Spanish game with the kids, but rather than listening to the native speakers that the game uses, BeanBean has been listening to his aunt so he has her absolutely *atrocious* accent (I mean, it's mind-bogglingly, Peggy-Hill-"Espanol" bad). I'm doing what I can to correct that, but it's an uphill battle. I am not a native speaker and I never formally studied Spanish at all, but I have a great ear for languages (had no trouble picking up Hebrew or French or even the bits of Russian, Arabic, and Japanese that I've taught myself over the years) and hearing my SIL and son say "row-ho" instead of "rojo" is like fingernails on a chalkboard...

Anyway, I'm concentrating on Hebrew right now, because I think that it's the more difficult language to learn and if he can "get" Hebrew, learning a language which uses the Latin alphabet should be a breeze, right? We also have a variety of workbooks around which BeanBean refers to as his "homework" and he likes to do some every day... "Comprehensive Kindergarten Curriculum," "Everything for Preschool," and other such titles. Some are things that my mother picked up in random places for my nieces, others are things that I've found. I find books at the library about subjects that he's interested in and we read them together, and I try to read to the kids every night. Oh yeah, and I'm labelling the entire house with index cards, but right now I'm out of sticky tac.

After we get the new computer and I can check my email, I hope to find someone locally who is willing to let BeanBean and I come over and play the piano together in the evenings; I'd really like to start teaching him an instrument, and it seems like even if I did have the money, there is noone in the area who does Suzuki violin or who teaches individual lessons to three year olds at all This is *very* important to me, and I *will* find a way to get BeanBean music lessons. If I can find appropriate footwear, he will have riding lessons and such as well as learning all about the care and keeping of horses (BeanBean's legal guardians, in the event of our untimely demise, run a horse farm, so this would be totally free except for expenses relating to clothing and travel ).

Wow, it sounds like we do a lot of stuff.... No wonder people think that classical homeschoolers are completely insane. : The reality is not nearly as busy or tense as it sounds when you write it all out like that. I keep a journal of the things that we do (when I remember ) not because I'm legally required to keep records, but because a) I want his guardians to have ammunition to fight for an IEP in the event that I am not around to home educate the kids and they can't either and b) I'm tense and anal, and I like to see progress. It makes me feel like I'm doing the right thing. There are tons of random, non-book activities which are in that journal and which I would certainly count if I was counting hours (and when the time comes that i have to file legal papers, I will definately count hours rather than days because you finish so much more quickly!). For example, while typing this post, BeanBean asked me to please draw a hexagon. I then drew and labelled the following (his requests, in order): hexagon, octagon, rhombus, trapezoid, bathtub, square, pot, triangle, pentagon, pillow, kite, 'a house in a boat', and a woman. BeanBean then attempted to draw Princess Fiona, but it proved a bit difficult ("her leg is broken!") and he'd had enough. If I was counting hours, that would be "1/2 hour, math."
post #96 of 209
Wow Rynna this is great thanks. DH is jewish and we are raising GA jewish. DH and I started a 12 week introduction to judiasm class this week put on by Union of Reform Judiasm. It is very good so far. We got a cool hebrew workbook. When I get home from work I will pm you with the title. The class also uses this book - Living a Jewish Life : Jewish Traditions, Customs and Values for Today's Families by Anita Diamant, Howard Cooper (Collaborator). If you are not familiar in addition to the Red Tent she has written several books about Jewish living. Two I have read and enjoyed are The New Jewish Wedding and The New Jewish Baby Book: Names, Ceremonies, & Customs-a Guide for Today's Families which we used to plan GA's naming.conversion ceremony. I have seen but not yet read How to Be a Jewish Parent : A Practical Handbook for Family Life.

post #97 of 209
I would like to get more structure into our everyday learning. I'm so scatterbrained, though. Julianna didn't qualify for the special needs preschool program. She tested "age appropriate", although they did recognize that she was delayed in some areas. So I either have to come up with the cash (no possible way) to send her to preschool, or really step it up at home in the schooling department. Right now Zachary's favorite thing to do it to make shapes with his body. Like making a triangle with his hands together, or a huge circle with his arms above his head.

All my kids love the color pink... I think Zach likes it because it is such a calm, soothing, gentle, happy color.

My baby is very sick right now. Coughing (hacking up a lung really), with a fever, and the general feeling of yuckiness. We've been rocking together all day, I gave him a bath, and now we're sipping chammomile tea. I made his favorite lunch for him (Annie's mac & cheese with broccoli florets ) so he's enjoying being cuddled and spoiled for sure...
post #98 of 209
Thread Starter 
I've got a niece with Asperger's who didn't qualify for an IEP for kindergarten because she tested too high ("high average to superior"). All this in spite of the fact that the girl has had an open file with Early Intervention and the IU since she was six months old.

As to scheduling-- I'd love to get a real, stick-to-able schedule going on here. Everything happens haphazardly and strangely. I'm working on cleaning up (absolutely essential for me to have a schedule) and trying to find a way to get some shelves, but until that happens... This crap is all made a zillion times more difficult by the fact that the computer crashes when visiting most unfamiliar websites, and often familiar ones... I have to do most of my searching down at the ILs, and that's a PITA.
post #99 of 209
Leah that's a bummer preschool and sick kid (((hugs)))

Amy, I read The Red Tent in one evening/night and OMG! I just cried and cried and cried! that was before razi was even concieved. wow, i miss reading a book like that

Rynna, I can't click on the [More] for the smilies here cuz my computer freezes almost ever time, it really is a PITA for sure!
post #100 of 209
Thread Starter 
I meant the one that's in my sig.

I read The Red Tent, too. What was really funny about it (to me) was that I'd just finished reading Orson Scott Card's "Women of Genesis" books (which are funny for their own reasons ) and the last one (well, the most recent; there should be another coming out soon) was about Rachel, Leah, Zilpah and Bilhah. It was sooooo different from The Red Tent that I just kept grinning at the comparisons. I think that I would have gotten more out of The Red Tent if I'd read it a few years ago, rather than right after finishing the Women of Genesis books.
New Posts  All Forums:Forum Nav:
  Return Home
  Back to Forum: The Childhood Years
Mothering › Mothering Forums › Childhood and Beyond › The Childhood Years › Welcome, New Three-Year Olds!