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Parenting and Rage - Page 52

post #1021 of 1766
Quote:
Originally Posted by majikfaerie View Post
I just can't bare the thought of spending a year or more to work out the right doses/ rx.
I've been refusing the anti-depressants I keep getting prescribed for years for that very reason.
I know. I'm glad I did it though, even if it seems impossible in the beginning.
post #1022 of 1766
i'm having a crappy mom day. i cut casi's hair and he didn't want me to. i tried telling him (and myself) that it was getting too long, tangled (with bits of fluff even), and scalp-scummy for us to handle anymore. as soon as i did the first patch with the clippers, i knew i had made a mistake. as he said, "it looks HORRIBLE". his hair was getting really nasty, but it wasn't his fault. i should have taught him how to care for it properly and taken a more active role, instead of relying on dp to do all the grooming stuff. maybe this will be a nice lesson about vanity for him and it will be a nice chance to really work on his scalp. still, i couldn't help but feel like my own mother, forcing me to adjust my appearance to suit her own selfish wants. : he looks like a stranger now. this will take some major readjusting, but that's been long overdue anyway. i apologized for being so rash and not trying harder to find a better way to care for his hair. i promised him i wouldn't take that choice away from him again, but try instead to help him care for himself so that he can be my beautiful anakin again.
post #1023 of 1766
bigeyes - I am going to have to look more closely at that. I know part of my problem is that my adrenals just go insane and pump crap like crazy when I get angry. I can feel it happening, and my grip on my ability to handle myself logically just slipping away.

Which of course just makes me even more angry and panicked.

I have been tested for adrenal problems, and come up negative. But I just don't think that normal is normal for me maybe. I suspect the same thing of my sister, and my grandmother had normal tests for years and years until someone finally diagnosed her with Graves.

Lack of sleep makes it MUCH worse - and that is pretty much been par for the course the last 7 or so years.

Thank you for putting that out there! I have gone back and forth about the adrenal fatigue thing for the last year, and your description is so close to what I see in myself that I think it is timet to just take it seriously!
post #1024 of 1766
Quote:
Originally Posted by Demeter9 View Post

I have been tested for adrenal problems, and come up negative. But I just don't think that normal is normal for me maybe. I suspect the same thing of my sister, and my grandmother had normal tests for years and years until someone finally diagnosed her with Graves.
You know why you come up negative? Because they generally will only test for Cushings and Addisons. Adrenal Fatigue is neither, so it falls through the cracks. And, if you tell your doc you feel uncontrollable anger they will say you are depressed.

http://adrenalfatigue.org/doi.php
http://www.drrind.com/scorecardmatrix.asp
http://www.newstarget.com/019339.html
http://www.stopthethyroidmadness.com/adrenal-info/
http://thyroid.about.com/cs/endocrin...nalfatigue.htm

come on over to the adrenal fatigue thread, I gotta stop threadjacking this one.
post #1025 of 1766
cant post much now but I'm just glad to see i'm not the only one dealing with this. sometimes i feel so angry i just want to scream and yell- just like I remember my mom doing. ugh. I usually keep it together on the outside but I am sure dd senses my anger.
post #1026 of 1766
[I've noticed that one important key to not being so angry so often is to make the time to just enjoy my kids. I get stressed out. I withdraw, or I run around all disorganized and frazzled, and either way I don't sit down with the kids so we can just enjoy each other.
So this is my reminder to myself, and to you all in case it helps you too, to take time to do something fun with the kids every day. To connect. To enjoy each other's company. Relationships need that. Relationships are built on that.


i totally agree with this. Today I was in my pj's all day.Yes the kids were dressed, but with constant diaper changing I counted 12 diapers I changed today!! and food rpeparations I felt so.....frazzled. when my 3 yr old asked to watch a movie i put one on and instead of cleaning while they watched. I sat down between the two of them and just held their hands and made comments about the movies. I really enjoyed my time and got to rest too. So forget gettting dressed for today. Forget the laundry sometimes, they are too precious for me to leave to wipe a stupid kitchen counter.
post #1027 of 1766
Quote:
Originally Posted by Gwendolyn's babies View Post
[ Forget the laundry sometimes, they are too precious for me to leave to wipe a stupid kitchen counter.
True dat! *nodding head* way to go mama.
post #1028 of 1766
Oh yeah, I've taken this attitude to the extreme (thinking of dusty floors and the refigerator and oven that need to be cleaned). We're just sittin' around reading books this morning.
post #1029 of 1766
subbing
post #1030 of 1766
Welcome Quella!

Today I'm wondering if any of you has taken a look at the source of your rage?

For example, my two big things have been bedtime resistance and sensitivity to noise. I was talking to my mom the other day about my dd2's fiercely independent personality and tendency towards frustration and anger, and my mom was the usual, "I never had to deal with that with you two, blah blah." Then I talked to her about bedtime, and she said,

Quote:
You know, when you were this age, your dad was in law school and working nights. I just had to do it. You had to be in bed before he left for work and, and I had to keep you quiet during the day because he had to study.
She had told me this once before, but I wasn't receptive. But the other day it just clicked. My dad was a huge, scary rager. There must have been an enormous amount of tension in the house. My mom must have been half-panicked all the time (which is how I feel sometimes). I think my anger over bedtime and chaotic noise is my inner child rebelling against these restrictions, saying "NO! I don't wanna go to bed! I don't wanna be quiet all day!" I know it must be true because that has always been my attitude towards my dad. And I think if I can get that inner child to just let it all out about this, then I'll be able to handle anything (without need Prozac to numb so much at bedtime that my 2 yo could ask for water 30 times and it wouldn't faze me lol -- I've been on it for a month).

Anyone else had a click like that?
post #1031 of 1766
this thread was bumped just in time. i am subbing for later. but i too have rage issues (vocal), and i need to fix it
post #1032 of 1766
the more i read about arenal fatigue, the more i am convinced that is what is wrong. i havent read back in the thread much, but what are some things that have helped the AF mamas, an how id you go about getting dx?
post #1033 of 1766
*sigh*

I have been so full of rage lately. Its so unfair to dd1. shes 2 1/2 and I have been loosing my temper and talking rather, um, actually yelling at her I am so sad to say that. I have never spanked her but I have had the urge. I have the urge to scream at her and grab her by the arm- I haven t done that but cant she sense that I want to? and how confusing to her. one minute I'm angry and the next I am nice, trying to make up for the anger. guilt. how confusing. I remember my mom being that way. I really don't want this to turn into a pattern. I am talking to a therapist (PPD) but it just doesn't seem to be helping. I love her so much and this just isnt fair to her. I'm so afraid I'm going to 'break her spirit' if this continues.


And what do you do after you yell? Last week I yelled at dd and I saw the sadness on her face and immediately calmed my self. I felt like crap. I just went over to her and held her and told her "mommy is sorry, mommy scared you, mommy shouldn't yell, did that scare you?" I really didnt know what else to do. I promised myself I wouldnt yell again and then I did. I cant keep yelling and apologizing. what an emotional roller coaster for her
post #1034 of 1766
subbing
post #1035 of 1766
Uh...

I have an issue...

I just had to tell my dh "WE ARE NOT GOING TO HIT OUR KIDS." Because he kept justifying a spanking he had given ds. (He thinks spanking and hitting are 2 different things ) And then after he said "You want some more" like it was a barfight. :

But I have messed up too! I realy have!

What am I supposed to do?
post #1036 of 1766
Quote:
Originally Posted by transformed View Post

What am I supposed to do?
Walk away


to the sink, to get a breath of fresh air, to p.a.u.s.e.


There is plenty of time. Wait. Listen and think. Model what you want them to learn.


Pat
post #1037 of 1766
pat,

you are a breath of fresh air and a much needed dose of reality.

thank you.
post #1038 of 1766
Quote:
Originally Posted by WuWei View Post
Walk away


to the sink, to get a breath of fresh air, to p.a.u.s.e.


There is plenty of time. Wait. Listen and think. Model what you want them to learn.


Pat
thats what i did. but then i kept dwelling on it and getting madder at him. i was stewing.

I am a hipocryte though. I have hit. I cant get mad at him, can i?

I tried to explain that the difference between me and him is that i KNOW its wrong.

I asked him if it would be ok if I smacked him the next time he was out of line.

I still dont think he gets it.

But normally, he is the better parent. he is the best dad-playing and teaching, etc.

I am usually the one who struggles as a parent.

this one little thing is a really big thing though! spanking is not an option! I am determined to make my home violence free!
post #1039 of 1766
One day at a time. One step at a time. That was my lesson from birthing. You are doing it.


Pat
post #1040 of 1766
Thread Starter 

original poster

I started this thread, what seems ages ago, to share a little of the anger I feel. I can say, that it is still with me!
My trigger is being tired at night and the kids not going to bed or not sleeping . . . waking the baby (that really gets my goat!)

The other day I found myself watching my oldest son, "discipline" his younger brother.

They were playing "bedtime" and I was sick to see my behaviour "word for word" from my little boys mouth.
I felt so ashamed.

I got a doll and asked him to do the "very negative" bedtime with the doll instead of with his innocent brother.

I believe children are there own best therapists if we only let them do the therapy without letting our own discomfort and fear get in the way.

I am my mother's daughter. I love my mom and think she is a great woman. But she RAGED AND BEAT us. I never thought I would dream of slapping my child or calling them swear words.

I don't think I have any physical condition other than extreme sleep deprivation!

I am happy and I am aware. I am really trying and really letting go of control.
The more I have let go of control the more I see my kids acting out the behaviours that I taught them but that I never let them express.
It is hard to let it come out of them . . . I want to repress it. It makes me uncomfortable but I know it is the beginning of healing.

Jen

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