Hello everyone. This really is a great thread. These posts are just incredible. This has helped me so much. I have really been doing so much better since it started. This past week we've all been so sick we haven't had the energy to be angry... I guess this is a good thing.
ALANA, I don't think i have ever heard anyone describe my life so well as this: "I didnt yell...I didnt threaten....but I did feel like my head was going to explode, my whole body was hot and tingly and at one point...I did cry. Not being able to find the shoes was what caused that. When I get that angry, i bring my voice into a whisper so I can moderate it."
That is amazing. I do this exact same thing, down to the tingling... And, I do not know exactly why, but this just cracked me up entirely "... Im enrolling the boys in a Martial Arts class for a physical outlet for them. If I can manage it, I will take one too. Then Im going to take dh up on his offer of hiring a cleaning service to come in once a week." Maybe, it is so funny because it is such a logical reaction/solution?? Anyway, the tangibility of it tickled my funny bone.
MORGRAINE, your post about more more more... here i am with these three little rotten lovely boys wanting another one. am i nuts? although, i will admit that a stomach bug/the flue that just circulated through our family had me reminded of labor so much that it made me not want another baby for about 2 days... ha ha. the "baby" is now crawling with 8 teeth and trying to walk and not fitting any of his clothes... so of course i am longing for more.
i have to say, i do not really think it is selfish. i think they are an investment. i think we are doing our best to create / allow these beautiful future people to come into being. i think that is why it hurts so much because we are trying so hard. we want them to be all they truly are. we don't want to restrict their growth/minds/souls. i think, honestly, if i wasn't planning on being a huge part of their lives, if i was planning on letting them go when they reached kindergarten (i am panning on home-schooling, personally, that is not what i am referring to here though, i think that no one on this thread is planning on dropping out of their child's life as soon as they are in day care/ preschool/ kindergarten...), then, i wouldn't worry so much about getting it right. i wouldn't care if i yelled. i wouldn't care if they seemed right to me. i probably wouldn't even notice.
did that make a lick of sense?
LOOBOP, "I feel awful for being as tough as I have been on dd since late pregnancy with ds. I feel like I have forced her to grow up prematurely. On the one hand I know theres gonna be some great benefits to them being close in age, but boy oh boy, right now I feel some drawbacks!"
I felt so much like this when pregnant with #2... I will tell you, quite positively, my first did probably grow up a little faster than he would have. But OH MY GOD. He is amazing and it is all okay. This is what siblings are for I think. This is what humans are for. Interacting. Changing. Evolving. Every child is who she is.
AMANDASMOM: yes, your post made a lot of sense. i get so scared sometimes that i simply can't escape my past. i was raised in a horribly abusive home and was severely neglected... is it possible to go through all that and have a loving honest relationship with my children. ANSWER: yes. i am sure of it because most of the time, i do. some times are def. harder than others though. i think for this the best thing is to remind yourself that you are doing a good job. give yourself love and support and care and validation. your kids will notice and do the same i think. i don't know, it does work for me. i say things out loud like, "mama is doing such a good job with you boys. she loves you both so much and that is so important. mama always wants to be calm and patient with you guys, isn't that neat that she wants that?" i know this sounds lame and psychotic, but hey, i am lame and psychotic. and also, something else that helps me (and i don't know if it is actually true or not but i don't care): i heard someone say once that a two year old human is the most violent creature on earth. more so than a raging bull. more so that a shark. So, imho, they will grow out of it and it is our job to show them patience and peace while they do.
Well, my dh is bugging me to get outside and enjoy the 80 degree weather! Plus, I think I hear coffee being ground... I wish you all peace and patience.