post #741 of 1766
7/22/07 at 10:17pm
Is anyone around right now? I totally need some help...
I'm just so full of rage today, and its just building up more and more. I've degenerated to shouting at DD, I've shouted at her about 10 times in the last 2 hours, and I'm getting worried that if i can't calm I'm going to hit her.
I dont know what's going on, if she's being unusually difficult, or I'm just angry for no good reason.
I just desperately want some SPACE!! of course it doesnt help that we are living alone together in the woods, and we haven't had so much as a minute without each other in the last 2 weeks. I feel like I'm going crazy.
Seriously, she is literally jumping all over me, pulling on me, shouting at me, refusing point blank to respect my physical space. I shout at her to get off my body and give me some space. she retreats to the beanbag to whimper, and starts up again 2 minutes later.
My computer is playing up, I've been working on trying to fix it, and DD comes with this big rock, offering to use the rock's magic to help fix the computer. okay, fine, but I insist she stand back just one pace, as she is waving this big rock around directly above the computer, and hey, that would make anyone nervous - accidents do happen, even to grown-ups, and we're talking about a four yo with a rock next to my computer!
So then we get into a fight, I'm insisting, calmly and rationally, giving reasons, why she needs to stand a bit back from my computer with the rock. She is insisting very loudly that she wont drop the rock and she needs to wave it over the keyboard to fix it. this goes on for a minute, I get angrier and angrier, and in the end, just took the rock from her hands and put it down at arm's reach away. She goes into a meltdown and starts shouting at me that I'm not being fair...
I just feel like she's in the way all the time, disturbing and interrupting me all the time. I just need a break, I feel like I cant stand her right now. but there's nothing I can do about it. and no, I really dont have a single friend or family member in my area. we've just moved here.
Really, I am just totally on the verge of freaking out.
I just shouted at her that I need space, and went upstairs. I just feel so full of this huge rage, like there is this violence in me that needs to get out. I just dont have a safe outlet. I cant even go outside and scream now. i'm just not coping
bigeyes - Same here, blood sugar tests always show "all is fine" but I too have to eat every 3 hrs or else! Today I only ate 2 meals which is NUTSO! I KWYM about having to eat, even if you don't feel hungry. Dh observed that sometimes both dd and I don't seem to know when we're hungry....we'll be really crabby and irritable and then all of a sudden realize I'M RAVENOUS! (shrugging) I wonder what it's like to be him. I've told him before that when I'm irritable it's not like I'm having a good time -- I feel miserable! I wish it wasn't so.