I been diagnosed w/ cancer, I need help **update # 77**

[mighty-mama]

Mama's. I'm going to try to make this short, as I can't even think right now...

DS is high needs 9 1/2mth old. The only way I can get him to sleep is by nursing and laying down. We co-sleep. He wakes us every hr on the hr to nurse himself back to sleep. Dh works long days and we are new to the area, so I'm essentially alone.

I've just been told today I have cancer. The tumor is in my breast, but the "cancer cells" are ones that can be found in other parts of the body, which means this could be a secondary spot and the cancer could have spread to my breast....


What I know....

I can nurse thru a lumpectomy and radiation. Although w/ radiation I can not nurse on the infected side.

They want to give me a pet scan... Can I nurse during this? I know I can't nurse if I need to start chemo. But I need the most time possible to try and wean my high-needs nurser.


********how do I wean him. I know I need to condition him to fall asleep without nursing. How do I go about this. Should I try and get him to steadily take a pacifier.... What formula do I put him on? Do I need to at this stage. Is one brand of formula less crappy than the others? My crunchy sister said she's heard great things about raw organic goat's milk, should I put him on this? How much milk/formula does a babe like this eat at a given day....


Please I beg you for any advice

Jess

[celestialdreamer]

I don't have any answers for you, but I couldn't read without sending you a big and lots of healing thoughts.

[3boysmom]

I'm so sorry. I can't offer any help regarding weaning or formula choices, but I didn't want to read your post without offering you support and strong healing vibes and letting you know that I have two friends that have gone through the same cancer situation you have. Both had already weaned, but their children were small. Both have survived and thrived! What your baby needs most is you... he will be just fine with whatever changes need to be made to accomodate your successful treatment.

[Peppamint]

Oh my goodness Jess. I would definitely take it one step at a time, depending on what treatments they may want to you to take. Unfortunately, I don't know if I can really help you much, but my mom has goats and if I needed to supplement I would likely make a raw goat's milk formula by using the milk and adding a few things (perhaps flax seed oil, etc). I would do some careful research though if you must completely wean to be sure your ds gets all the nutrition he needs. There are various homemade goat's milk formula recipes online if you decide to go that route.

[pumpkin]

I don't have any advice on the nursing, but didn't want to read and not post.

I've been down the cancer path myself. At the time all I had to deal with was a cat who didn't understand that for days at a time I couldn't be anywhere near her and that for several months she couldn't sleep on my chest. (danger to the particular type of radiation I had - its not used for breast cancer treatment so not an issue for you) I remember thinking at the time just how hard it was on her but that it didn't even pale in comparison to the trauma that a mother and baby would experience in that situation. Really put things in perspective fore me.

I wish you the best and do offer this one piece of advice, its okay to get angry. My grandmother, mother, and I all had various cancers diagnosed in the same year. F*CK CANCER is a big phrase in my family. Very cathartic.

[KatSG]

I am so sorry. If you do need to wean, know that's it's likely to be a little rough. My dd was older, but nursed the same way. Remember that he can understand a lot more than he can communicate to you. What I told dd was that I wouldn't nurse her anymore, but that I would always, always hold her, whenever she wants. [Needed to wean for depression-related reasons.]

Also, my dd drinks goat's milk. She started drinking it not much older than your ds when I couldn't pump a day's worth of milk at work anymore. It's not cheap. I don't know how many bottles we get out of a can, but it's about $9 a can and I think we go through about 2 a week. I've seen recipies online for homemade forumula, but I wouldn't add any more complexity to your life unless the ritual of making it brings you true joy.

I would start giving him 4-6 oz bottles and see how hungry he is. Know that he may reject bottles and prefer something like a sippy cup. Just keep trying until you find something that works.

That all said, I hope you can continue b-feeding, but like the pp said, it's more important to get you healthy and well!

And please, ask your oncologist about support groups. No matter where you are, you are not alone. I do lots of work with my local Komen Foundation. If you have one nearby, or even in a close-by city, ask them for referalls in your area. Sadly, cancer is everywhere and there are lots of groups to help you through this.

I wish you all the best, mama! You'll be in my thoughts. Keep us posted.

[rozzie'sma]

First of all, I'm sending you a huge hug. I cannot imagine your situation and it made my cry.

Okay, that being said nurse until you no longer can. I think that if you are injected with the isotopic dye for the pet scan than there is a waiting period to nurse but I am not positive.

Secondly, transitioning from nursing to sleep. Can you sling him? Maybe if your dh can put him to sleep with a paci it will help. Also my dd would never take a bottle but if my dh put her against his bare chest and rocked her she would eat with a paci-feeder.

I wouldn't put him on formula yet if you do not have too. You have 2 1/2 months until his one year and if you do not need chemo there should be no problem. The other breast will make more than enough milk for him. Is he taking any solids? If he is that will decrease his need for milk a little. My sis ff and she says to give 32 oz. a day at that age. But given that he is older I would give him goat milk over formula. It is closer to breast milk. Meyenberg.com has info on where to find it goat milk in real life and online. It would also be good for supplementation purposes.

Oh mama, keep us posted. You may be alone IRL but there are always people here to help you. You can PM me anytime. Please take care and you will be in my prayers. I am sure there are mama's on here that know much more than I.

[mykdsmomy]

Mama, I'm so sorry you're going through this....
I agree with the pp that said take it one day at a time....
If you have to use formula, please dont feel badly about it. Right now the most important thing is to take the best care of YOU to ensure your health. Your little peanut has an awesome strong mama who is very selfless!!
We have a foster son and we use Similac advance...it has the dha and ara which are supposed to be great for brain development. You can also supplement with some vitamins.....I dont know much about goat's milk....maybe someone around here does.....also what about donated breast milk?
I dont have much help with the weaning...sorry Maybe start with a pacifier and see how your ds does......
I wish I could offer more help/support....just lots of prayers, love and hugs....please keep us informed and if there's anything I can do to help you, pm me.....

[kochanyk]

I have no good advice but wanted to wish you well and s

[KatWrangler]

My heart is breaking for you. Please take care of yourself. I am not very experienced in the BF department (but I am learning).

Is there anything on Kellymom.com? Does the LLL have any information?

[eagle's nest]

Huge hugs

First of all, I'm sending you a huge hug. I'm not sure that this will help much, but I"ll try. Firstly, I would nurse as long as possible (which I'm sure you already plan to do). But, if you do find that you need to wean, contact a naturopath, specifically one who deals with children. He/she may have some alternatives that many of us wouldn't even know. Try contacting a midwife in your area. She may have many suggestions for you, from support groups, to naturopaths, etc. Maybe see a naturopath for yourself, too. A little alternative medicine could really bring some positive energy to your situation. It's going to be important for you to help yourself and have support, so you can be there for your ds. All the best.

Namaste

Eagle's Nest

[Octobermama]

Oh, I am so sorry to hear this news. I wish you health and peace and a speedy miraculous recovery. What a wonderful mama your son has.

I don't know about the formula but I am sure someone here will be able to offer advice. Although probably not as long as you had planned, 9 and a half months of breastmilk is great. Try not to beat yourself up about needing to use formula. Your situation is a great example of why we are lucky to live in a country where reliable formula is readily available.

My guess is weaning and nightweaning is going to be tough with a high needs babe. But you are strong and you have built a wonderful trust and attachment for 9 and a half months. You will get through it. I will tell you my first daughter was high needs and nursed all night but was surprisingly easy to nightwean at 14 months. I loosely followed Dr. Jay Gordon's suggestions. There was some crying but I was always with her and she started sleeping a long stretch within a week. For awhile she always woke at 4 am and cuddled for while before going back to sleep but I didn't nurse her in bed after we started nightweaning.

Do you use a sling? Is your husband home at night? I think substituting something for nursing will help. He will probably not easliy accept a substitue but you will be with him which is what he really needs so in time he will adjust.

Lastly, I hope there will be some resource for you to get some local support. People to bring you meals, help with housework, etc. That is rough to be away from family and in a new place going through such a tough time. Have you contacted your local LLL? They could probably give you ideas about all of your questions plus it would be support from women who share some of your parenting ideals.

I really wish you the best. Let us know how things go!

[bonbon mama]

I had a non-cancerous but involved bout with a tumor in my neck when ds was 7 months old. He was exclusively nursing at the time. I took each procedure as it came and often spent the night before on the phone with LLL, on the internet with kellymom.com, and in discussion with my breastfeeding friends. Most of the interventions I had were safe to nurse after but my surgery and the barely conscious/unconscious part of my recovery was about 9 hours so my husband and mother took my son (and three year old daughter) out and about for the whole day in an effort to keep him distracted and away from surroundings that might remind him of nursing. I pumped and dumped when I was conscious enough to do so and my husband and mother tried to feed ds with eyedroppers, medicine droppers, and straws. It was fantastic to be able to comfort ds with nursing and to drop off to much needed sleep with him as a I recovered. This is why I encourage you to continue to nurse and snuggle (it is so healing) with you baby as long as the procedures and treatments allow you to. It may be weeks or months until you are faced with a treatment that will not be safe for a breastfeeding baby and your baby will be different for the maturity. I would start introducing other foods and beverages to your baby now and letting him get used to spending several hours with just daddy so that daddy will feel comfortable with several techniques to calm baby and get baby to sleep. See if you can borrow a good pump because it was impossible to get insurance to pay for rental of one as the baby was not ill.

Good luck. I will keep you in my prayers.

[Greensleeves]

I just wanted to offer you a hug. Prayers going your way.

[Ruthla]

I'm so sorry you're going through all this.

[mamato2boys]

so sorry mama. Get in touch with LLL, I'm sure they'll be able to offer info and support. Goats milk is expensive but BF babies seem to tolorate it really well. I think all formulas are very similar; gov't regs.


my thoughts are with you and your family.

[liawbh]

I'm so sorry you are going through this. Lots of healing wishes to you.

Can you start pumping a few times a day? THen you could have a freezer stash to combine with the formula if you end up needing to wean.

[Finch]

I have been thinking about you since your other post about this yesterday. I'm so sorry, I was so hoping it wasn't this.

I think you should contact LLL right away, and if you can, get your hands on Dr. Hale's book.

I'm so very sorry. I just don't even know what to say, I'm so sad for you.

[Tine]

I am completely clueless on this issue, but couldn't read your post without responding. I'm sure other more knowledgeable mamas will give you great advice.

In the meantime, I'm sending you hugs and TONS of good juju.

[JamesMama]

I have no advice...I'm pretty sure LLL has a few books on gentle weaning, maybe check those out?

I'm so sorry you're going though this mama.