WOW! am so sorry for what you are dealing with. It soundslike you are handling it all like a champ, and kudos to you for trying so hard to keep the bfing connection with your baby--you probably need those moments just as much as he does now.
you posted earlier about raw milk and formula and i wanted to send you this info about making your own formula that babies that cannot BF thrive on:
http://www.westonaprice.org/children/recipes.html
also the Dr that stands behind this organization (Weston A. Price and Nourishing Traditions) treats cancer w/o chemo. and I just wanted to send out that link in case it is something you want to research. I have never had cancer and do not know what options you have explored already but just in case:
http://www.fourfoldhealing.com/Q&A%2...t%20Cancer.htm
You will find your way in this difficult time. The mama's are here for you.