Violent items?

[brownay2]

Ok here is another issue. My 11 yr. old ds thinks he should be able to watch rated R movies, and watch shows like cops, etc. I don't agree, and feel that there is a reason why there is a rating system with movies, and I also feel that there are alot of cartoons geared for children/preteens that have alot of violence, and do not teach fgood things What do you think? It also doesn't help that dh is not on the same page as me. Everytime I say Austin, I am not going to allow you to watch that show, or movie etc. He whines to dh, and dh says to him you can watch it, your old enough.

BB gun: He got a BB gun for Christmas, which I would not have. Well he feels that he should be able to play with toy guns, and also shoot a BB gun whenver he wants. Dh agrees with him on that too.

OK, here's the real kicker. Dh without me knowing keeps giving ds pocket knives, now this is the child that tried to catch our house on fire, from his bedroom, while I was away in the hospital with very ill baby boy last year. Dh was suppose to be watching him. I said to my dh I feel he is not ready for them, and I don't like them in the house. He thinks ds should be able to have them to. SO now ds hides them, and says things like "You know mom, there was this boy, and his parents never let him play with toy guns, and knives, and BB guns" and he eventually did something. He also posts papers that say knives hidden in secret place. Dh thinks I am being very cruel, and hard on him. And said that if he would do anything to me, I deserve it as I push him to the limit, and he will snap one day. Is that even right? OMG....I am very upset about this. Don't need this stress right now with the baby coming soon.

What is a stressed mama to do here?

[MillingNome]

Ok, I'll sound in even though I am unsure how to respond. Here's hoping this types itself.

I think instead of focusing on your son right, you need to have a to with dh. Somehow, and hopefully there is a way to do it, you guys should come to some understanding what is acceptable in regards to weapons in the house and what is not. As it is now, your son will soon learn how to *really* pit you two against each other in order to get his way. It will lead to unneeded stress and tension. So my piece of advice is to get on the same page as dh and gentily buy firmly lay down some boundries.

On a person note, dh and I have guns in the house but no bullets. He collected them as a kid and young adult. Both dd and ds know where they are but not to touch them. Someday dh will show the kids how to use a gun. I'm not a big fan of it but that was the deal we struck. He presented a reasonable argument for them knowing how to fire a gun. Niether kid shows an interest in guns so I am not too worried about them. They are rightfully more scared of the guns than of "bad" people/the boogie man.

[DBZ]

I have to agree with the PP. You need to talk to your dh. It is so not cool that he is undermining you wit all this. It sounds like your son shouldn't ever be allowed these things. I hope you can dh can work something out.

Kara

[afishwithabike]

I too agree with the previous posters. I feel he is too young for such things. It would be nice if you could find more age appropriate "boy" activities for him. Usually men try to encourage male activities for their sons. I am only assuming here but it seems as though DH is just thinking "boys will be boys".Unfortunately there are consequences to that mindset, and it sounds like (from your OP) he shouldn't be trusted with these things yet. Maybe if you could find a compromise with DH and come up with a graduated responsibility system it would work better. If he can handle.....then he may have..... Theres my 2 cents.

[UnschoolnMa]

While I disagree with you regarding the TV/movies and guns/knives thing, I do agree the problem is clearly between you and your Dh. I think the two of you talking and finding some kind of middle ground you both feel good about is a good idea. Of course I know how hard that can be.

I can't really advise on the actual guns etc issue. My family sees nothing wrong with them, and my son has collected some knives since he was quite young. We don't censor media either.

[amydidit]

Originally Posted by UnschoolnMa

While I disagree with you regarding the TV/movies and guns/knives thing, I do agree the problem is clearly between you and your Dh. I think the two of you talking and finding some kind of middle ground you both feel good about is a good idea. Of course I know how hard that can be.

:

My SIL's kids all watch movies like that, play with guns and stuff (toys, but still), etc and they are all wonderful kids who wouldn't do a thing to hurt another person. They all (ages from 5 - 15) have a very healthy respect for life and know that violence isn't how you solve problems, etc.

It sounds like your DS may have other problems however aside from movies and toys since you say he tried to burn down your house. That really disturbs me. Even more disturbing though is your DH's attitude. Even if he doesn't have a problem with those things he needs to respect your position as well and work with you to find a middle ground you can both live with. Yeah, I think DH is more the problem than DS.

[Marsupialmom]

That was last year that he caught the house on fire. My bil and nephew both can attest that your son won't become a pyro over that.

I think you and your dh need to talk more so he isn't agreeing to something he doesn't know about or realize to.

As for the knife issues I would dig up a copy of the Boy Scout widdlen chit. Give your son something safe/ok to carve onto.

One of the better things we can do is find ways to say yes.

We don't say no to all rated R movies. We say after we review it. Dig into Japanese Anima and find things you can say yes to. Then we sit and watch it with them. This can be momments that you can slip in your opinions, morals, and values.