moving out of denial

[MovingMomma]

DH has been insisting that I'm pregnant for about a week now, & I'm finally acknowledging the truth!

We have a 29 month old DD & were TTA for a few more months...BUT our 5 year anniversary was Dec. 22. We knew I was fertile but we just said, "if we get pregnant no big deal," and went for it. I ovulated Dec. 25 and sure enough, there's a baby on the way!

DH is thrilled to pieces. I am happy, but apprehensive about the logistics of two kids, etc.

I'm also worried since we're in a non-homebirth friendly state & DH is not so thrilled with the idea of an underground MW (but even less thrilled with the thought of UC). I'm not going to the hospital after our experience w/DD's birth!

[Niamh]

Welcome! Glad to have you here!

My dd is also a Hannah-and also an EC graduate! My SILs asked me the other day if I was going to "do that thing again" with my next child. Funny thing is, they asked after each of them had just spent 15 minutes fighting with their kids to get diapers changed and one of them had a helluva rash. I just said "yeah, I think so" instead of "DUH! Of course!"

[AutumnMama]

Congrats and welcome!
Another Hannah here (me that is, DD's name is Genevieve ) Though if my Dad's Mom would've had her way my name would've been Penelope

Anyway, I hope everything goes well for you with the birth plans...it would be so hard to live in a non-homebirth friendly state

I did EC a little with DS when he was a couple months old but just got distracted and ended up just doing cloth.
Maybe I'll try harder with this one

[myhoneyswife]

Hi and welcome! I have been forever wondering what that little icon was, I thought it was just a baby in a funky diaper, but now I see it's a baby on the BBLP! Got it! Not too quick here... I want to EC also, but DH is grossed out by the potties and insists that the baby will only go in the toilet, so no BBLP for me.

Good luck with the midwife situation, sorry you live in a hostile area for it I hope you find a good one, though, or be able to UC, which we're planning on doing.


Cara

[chalynm]

Congrats and welcome!

We also tried EC w/ dd when she was younger. She was doing really well, but I started running out of diapers. I would have had to do 3 loads every 2 days to keep up w/ it. This time around I'm going to make sure we have enough!

What is it w/ the southern states being so unfriendly about natural birth? AL doesn't allow midwife-attended home birth either. We're considering UC, but if we go w/ a birth center, it's a 2 hr round trip. I'm w/ you; barring a real emergency, I refuse to go near a hospital w/ this one. Especially the ones around here which advertise all the latest technology w/i arm's reach of the bed.

If you need some help convincing your dh to jump on the no hospital bandwagon, here are a couple of references to try:

The Thinking Woman's Guide To a Better Birth, by Henci Goer - very clear and concise explanations of common hospital interventions and the pros and cons of having them, ways to make sure you don't have them if you don't want to, even some info about midwives, doulas, and other birth attendants

I don't have any specific links on hand for midwives. I did all my research w/ dd and didn't need to reconvince dh for this one. A little digging on the internet should turn up some good stats though.

http://www.unhinderedliving.com/childbirth.html - I haven't read through everything on this page yet, but it's got some great statistics about world infant mortality rates (The U.S. is #28 in the world, in spite of all our marvelous technological advancements in medicine.) and UC. The UC stats are for a relatively small number of births (~150, I think), but impressive nonetheless. Less than 2% of the women included were unable to birth totally unassisted, and the total number includes almost 1/4 high risk pregnancies.

You might also consider hiring a doula, if you can find one. If you're not familiar w/ doulas and what they can do for you AND your dh, check out www.dona.org and www.cappa.net We had one w/ dd and will have one for this one also. I wouldn't consider birthing w/o a doula. Also, BirthFree over in the Aug DDC is a doula. I'm sure she'd be happy to answer any questions.

That was probably way more than you were looking for. Sorry...once I get on a roll , I can't stop myself.

[AbiSolsticebaby]

Hey Moving Momma

: I also ovulated on the 25th of December too, like you we were not expected to concieve. We said oh were fine we probably won't be pregnant and now here we are blessed with our first pregnancy. Nice to meet you and I hope to keep in touch to see how we progress into September.
Good luck

[MovingMomma]

Chalyn,

Thanks for all the resources! DH has been telling me that statistics won't do anything to help him feel more comfortable w/homebirth. I think he's already familiar with the data from our preparation for Hannah's birth...we took Bradley classes & I shared highlights from all my reading.

Incidently, I prefer Henci Goer's Obstetric Myths Versus Research Realities to The Thinking Woman's Guide to a Better Birth. While it isn't as readable, it is much more comprehensive.

I guess we also have the option of a birth center just over 2 hrs away...though I doubt our insurance would cover it (of course, they're not going to cover a homebirth in this state either!) & I would not want to drive that far in labor!

I do plan on hiring a doula...for certain if we do end up birthing at a hospital, and maybe for "in case of emergency" if we birth at home.

[MovingMomma]

AbiSolsticebaby,

Congrats! How fun to have someone at the exact same point in pregnancy!

I just found out yesterday that a dear friend IRL is pregnant and only about a week behind us!

[chalynm]

I tend to look for stats 1st because that's the only thing that convinces my dh. Maybe personal accounts would help? There's a UC board here at MDC. I've been lurking on and off. Lots of info, and I'm sure the mamas would be more than happy to answer any questions.

I undertsand about the birth center. Ours is 1 hr away w/ about half the drive being through a national park type area w/ a speed limit of 50 mph. Not really looking forward to that drive, if we don't just stay home, that is. I'm really pushing for a UC, but like your dh, mine isn't too keen on the idea just yet.

Anyway, I'll have to check out the book you mentioned. I'm not familiar w/ it. I know we've already made our decision to go as natural as possible, but it's always helpful to have as much info as possible in the all too likely case that I have to defend our decision.

[MovingMomma]

I'm really not sure if anything is going make DH comfortable with a home birth. He is normally all about making evidence based decisions, but he has some very understandable baggage on this issue: When he was about 4 a younger brother was born with serious problems. I don't know exactly what, and apparently the doctors never figured it out either, but he had problems with his heart/breathing and had to be resuscitated many times over the course of his short life. He died when he was a few months old. Naturally, this colors DH's views.

[heartmama]

We had a homebirth with ds 9 years ago. He was born with heart problems. He had 3 open heart surgeries before he was 5, the first surgery when he was just 2 weeks old.

His heart problems were serious~just about as serious as they can be. Not long ago nothing would have been done for him~he would have passed away a few weeks or months after birth, very much in the manner you described of your husbands baby brother.

It was a chilling, "what if" in hindsight. What if I had been against doctors altogether. What if I had not taken ds to the doctor at 12 days old with a nagging feeling that something was just....off color...literally (his color looked odd, although he was alert and eating well). What if, what if, what if. The pediatrician who first saw him panicked and sent us straight to the hospital. The hospital staff said he had a few hours to live, and started him on heart medication and called in a helicoptor to take him to a facility that could do surgery...it was something right out an episode of "ER".

And yet despite that, I am secure having another homebirth.

Why?

Unless you live days away from a hospital, it is very unlikely that the location of birth will delay treatment. In every event a baby must be stabilized, assessed, tests done to determine what surgery is needed. Unless you are diagnosed in utero and the operating room is prepped and waiting, even a hospital born baby is likely to wait hours or days before having a complete assessment and surgery. And I will tell you that there are very, very few birth defects which case instant death after birth. You would be amazed just how long a baby can survive with a serious heart condition. Ds survived for two weeks missed a chamber and 2 valves!!!

My plan is a thorough ultrasound for cardiac issues at 18 weeks gestation. A homebirth attended by a CNM who will do a careful listen to the newborn's heart, pulse, and O2 levels at birth, and several hours later. Then a thorough assessment by a pediatrician the following day. Then an assessment by ds' cardiologist in the first week.

I feel completely sure that this will catch any possible problems before the baby could develop life threatening symptoms.

Heart defects are silent killers but they are not invisible. There ARE telltale signs and if your dh is afraid, his best protection is to educate himself and develop a plan for detailed assessments at the right facility. I would not be reassured that my baby was healthy just because the hospital OB or pediatrician assessed them. If heart problems are your concern, only a pediatric cardiologist can really give you a clean bill of cardiac health. And they are not on staff in most OB wards, or general hospitals. They must be called in, or the baby transfered to a different facility.

Remember, every year, babies are born in the hospital and die at home afterwards from undiagnosed heart defects. I have heard some awful stories. Unless a trained eye see's your baby, the usual obstetric staff is not trained to notice the signs of serious heart conditions~these babies can look perfectly healthy and alert for days, even weeks. If you really want to feel secure, you have to make a plan yourself to network the right care from the right people. The location of birth is not significant in the scheme of care, unless it is remote and isolated.

The best protection is to educate yourself and network support.