Pumping milk for my nephew.

[Ashley]

I knew I could come here with such a topic starter and get total support. I am not a completely crunchy momma, however I am way crunchier then anyone I know and they are seeing me as being strange. I just see myself as making decisions that aren't the mainstream view that I think are best for my family. ANYWAY... I already started rambling.

Here is some background to the situation. I have a beautiful 4.5 month old baby girl who is VERY healthy to say the least. I like to believe it's all because of her momma's milk. She is completely BF on demand and has never had anything else. I am very adamant about this.

The second part of the story is my seemingly together sister being selfish during her pregnancy and smoked. A LOT! Nothing we talked to her about would get her to quit. She just ignored it and said he'd be fine. Well when he was born via csec at 39 weeks he was only 4lbs 12oz. As you all know that is not normal. She is blaming it on a bad placenta, whatever. Anyway that is to show you his size and why there is a huge need to get him some BM especially in the first few months.

He was discharged at 4lbs 2oz and 3 weeks later had only gained 2oz. I was the one pushing her not to give him formula to keep BFing and he'll work it out. That not all babies gain at the same rate and most importantly was his wet dipes. Well all that was before his no weight gain. They ended up putting him on neosure formula and for her to continue to offer the breast. I told her that anything is better then nothing. Well now she's not making hardly any milk. We always teased how we could nurse each other's baby. But now it became serious. I was all for helping, seeing that my BM really packs the chub on my babes. Then her BF said how he didn't want their son to get my allergies and the kids eczema issues. : My immediate response to my sister was... "DUH" those things aren't contagious they are hereditary. LOL But then it had me feeling worried about what I was telling her. So yesterday I spent the whole day looking up info. As far as how the AAP and LLL don't approve of wet nursing or cross nursing. This is something we both agree on, I do not want to nurse her baby and take that bond from her. I would only be pumping and giving my milk to them to put in with the formula bottles. I always thought since I had allergies that by BF my kids that they'd get a better chance of not having it? I know that's how it is but they have me questioning everything I know to be true.

I feel so honored to be able to give my new baby nephew a good start. It makes my heart feel good to give him a part of me to help him stay healthier. I've always thought about donating milk to others but just haven't. I am on a few meds all considered safe to BF'd so that shouldn't be any issue. Plus this is my sister, she knows me and that I don't have any diseases, etc.

Why I am here for support is for a few reasons. The first being that as soon as I gave them a couple days of pumping I got a darn cold!!! Now I feel as if I have to run and hide because they are going to think I gave their baby a cold. Should I be worried? Should I tell them to not give him that milk? Will he be better off since it's my antibodies working? I am not even sure it's a real cold, I have bad allergies and the weather has been up and down recently which is hard on my sinuses. I'd feel so horrible if I gave him a cold.

Second reason I need support. Most every one else sees this as disgusting and just CRAZY. That we are nuts for giving her baby my bodily fluids. Most of this frustration is coming from her BF's mom. (mind you my sister is 33 her bf/fh is 42) His mother is just so ignorant in her thinking and is giving my sister a hard time. Then on top of that her BF is worried and wanting to listen to his mom. "babies must have at least one bottle of water and one bottle of formula a day"

My main goal is to get my sister to produce more milk, but she is just not very selfless. It's a huge job to regain a supply. She hasn't taken one suggestion that I've put out there for her to try. She honestly loves to BF her son, but seems to want an easy way out. Ya know if her milk has dried up then she *couldn't* bf'd because of that. Not that she didn't try. She seems to be happy enough for me to pump my milk and give him. So what do you all think of that? Shouldn't it and isn't it better to get milk from a baby's own mother? (assuming she has quit smoking and stopped the caffeine drinks)

I guess I just need some supporters on my side that say what I am suggesting to her is good. For my own mind's sake. They are starting to make ME feel like I am crazy. LOL


Thank you for all your support in advance!
Ashley

[sapphire_chan]

Second hand smoke => increased risk of asthma and other respitory ailments
FF => increased risk of asthma and other respitory ailments
low birth weight => increased risk of asthma and other respitory ailments

If you can manage to remove one of those risk factors by giving your nephew the antibodies your breast milk produces, that would be wonderful.

I have year round seasonal allergies (that is, there's a new and exiciting allergen out each season) and I occasionally (like once a year) get a cold. I can definitely tell the difference between the usual round of sneezing and cold sneezes. If you think it might be allergies, it probably is, especially if it gets worse when you're near your triggers.

Man, I wish I could be more supportive. I do know that it's utter bull that eczema, etc, gets passed through breastmilk, it's more the other way around, breastfeeding reduces the chance of flare ups in babies with a genetic predisposition. But knowing that doesn't help you talk your sister into working to establish her own supply. I mean, your sister really doesn't seem the type to accept scientific evidence. If she did, she wouldn't be blaming the low birth weight on a "bad placenta" or at least she'd be blaming the bad placenta on the smoking.

Could you sneak milk stimulating herbs into her coffee? Give pro-bfing info to her almost MIL? Sorry, it's really late, and I'm having stupid ideas.

[Ashley]

Thank you for the wonderful ideas and just having someone back up my thoughts to help me know I am not crazy REALLY helps.

She did stop smoking, the day she went in to have him... But I guess that's better then to continue to smoke. She really does care about his well being, but I am not sure for how long. She's really a piece of work and I can't even begin to go into her mind set. It's kinda like getting a new puppy then getting tired of it when it gets older. I am afraid once the newness wears off she'll just continue in her own pattern.

That's why I want to help give him the best start. If he can have some of my milk it'll help him get past this cold/flu season. And hopefully protect him enough if she starts back smoking. I guess since being on the neosure he's gained a lot of weight. In a week he gained 1.5 lbs. She's just going to use my milk to give him the antibodies at this point. That brings up another question how much should she give him a day? I know the more the better. I told her at least 2 oz. I'll admit, I don't know everything about breastfeeding. I do have lots of experience doing it though.

Do you think she should avoid giving him my milk since I have a cold? I think it is a cold with my allergies on top of it. I am miserable. LOL I won't stop giving my own baby my milk, because I know that she'll get the antibodies and has already been exposed to the germs anyway. However he just started taking my milk the other night. I am so afraid he'll catch a cold and they will blame me.

My supply as gone down a bit since this cold, so I've not pumped for her a couple days. I've just been lucky enough to make enough for my own baby.

Thanks for the support, it really means a lot!

[DaryLLL]

You can't give a cold through the breastmilk. You can pass antibodies to the cold through the breastmilk. If you see them often, changes are they have all been exposed to the same cold virus as you.

It is tough when a family member makes such different parenting choices than we do. Weigh the benefits of your milk for dn against the pressure and ick your sister is getting from her dp and his mother...

If you think they would be open to it, send them links from kellymom.com .

Otherwise, note my sig.

[Slabobbin]

I think it is a wondeful thing that you are doing. It sounds like she DOES want an easy way out though. How long are you prepared to do this? You can't let your own family suffer because her hers.

[Yulia_R]

I think it is a wonderful idea. The tiny little boy will benefit so very much from having at least some amount of breast milk every day and you will have a great relief from expressing some extra milk (the first at least 3-4 months I was ready to blow up all day and especially night long so engorged my boobs were). I wish I had a tiny baby I could help with my extra milk too.
You are doing a great thing !

[mighty-mama]

Awesome, keep nursing, from your story it seems like your little nephew may need someone in his life that is concerned about his wellbeing.

On the same note, I was just recently diagnosed w/ breast cancer. Once chemo starts I will not be able to continue to nurse. My sister and her friends, and their friends have started pumping for me. This gift is absolutely priceless. I can not put into words, on how much this gift means to me and my ds.

[Ruthla]

I think this is a great idea! It sounds like whatever you pump for him will reduce the amount of formula he gets, and have little to no bearing on how much she's able to nurse him.

[DaryLLL]

Originally Posted by mighty-mama

Awesome, keep nursing, from your story it seems like your little nephew may need someone in his life that is concerned about his wellbeing.

On the same note, I was just recently diagnosed w/ breast cancer. Once chemo starts I will not be able to continue to nurse. My sister and her friends, and their friends have started pumping for me. This gift is absolutely priceless. I can not put into words, on how much this gift means to me and my ds.

I'm sorry to hear about your breast cancer, m-m. I wish you full remission!

How lucky you are to have concerned friends who are pumping for your baby! ears

[Ashley]

Thank you!

M-M, I am so sorry I will be sending you tons of thoughts and prayers. *hugs* What a great group of friends you have.

I am so thrilled to hear he can't catch my cold through my milk. That makes me feel better. Catching a cold through contact doesn't put the blame on my milk. My nursing daughter is perfectly fine, no cold. YAY! Normally I make a TON of milk so pumping isn't hard on us. Just ever since I got this darn cold I seem to be dehydrated no matter how many fluids I force down myself. I can feed my daughter and pump out 6oz for my dn at the same time. I am truely blessed with ample supply.

You guys settled my mind. I will pump as much as I can for him. I know that no matter what she probably won't work hard at getting her milk out. She will see how "easy" formula is and go for that. Of course I think bottles would be so much harder then lifting my shirt. hehe

I didn't see this answered but I might've missed it. What is the minimum ammount of EBM to get the full antibodies for a day?

Thanks mommas.

[Avocado123]

M-M - Here are lots of vibes for really good health going out to you! Please make sure that the milk that you are given to store can be stored in a deep-freeze (not your household freezer that gets opened and shut all the time, but a small dedicated freezer that can be at a lower temperature and doesn't get such constant traffic.) It will last longer.

Ashley - Wow! That is an amazing gift you are giving to your nephew! Very wonderful.
That said, demand spurs supply. If your sister doesn't spend a lot of time with her boy on her breast, milk isn't gonna happen in the same amounts as if she would. It is really key for her to have the baby sucking, even if milk isn't coming out at first. It can be a comfort suck as well. Eventually, it will trigger her milk production. This is key for so many reasons. Plus, you mentioned that she likes the nursing relationship.
So as wonderful as it is that she has such a generous, loving sister, it should have no impact whatsoever on her efforts and time spent trying to nurse her baby. This is really important.
If you sense she isn't doing it because she can rely on your milk, then perhaps you could "go away" for a day or two, or have an appointment on the other side of town or in a different city or something that meant that she was needed and you couldn't fill in.
In the long-run, it would be a pity to have lost the potential the mom and baby have together as a nursing pair, in favor of what is clearly for her an "easier" solution in the form of your aid.
It's physically pretty demanding nursing one baby at all hours of the day, to expect yourself to be able to keep this up for the entire first year is really herculean and not particularly fair on your mortal status.
Be good to yourself too!
Feel well!

[Ashley]

You are so right I don't want to take away that from her. My #1 goal is to get her to nurse her own son. I want him to have that bonding experience with his mom as well as her making the milk form him would be easier on us all.

I sent her links from kelly mom and something I found on a boot camp for bringing your milk in. I just don't think she has it in her. Right now I think she nurses him in the morning and that is it. She also has to feed him a bottle as he doesn't get much. My other main concern is him not getting any breastmilk. If her milk doesn't come in easy for her she will just go to formula only. That's why I feel such an urge to get in there and give him my milk now.

I don't know why I am so torn on this. I know I can't do anything to make her do what she should. In the end it's her choice. She's totally greatful for me giving my pumped milk to them, infact she teared up. I don't know how she can be so thankful for my milk, yet won't do anything to get her own. GRRR!

(okay mini vent over)

Thanks for the well wishes, I already am feeling better.

[Ruthla]

Any way you can convince her to try using an SNS to feed the formula instead of bottles?

[paquerette]

Can you get your sister to use an SNS with whatever formula and EBM he gets, and NO bottles? This will help her build her own supply back up, while the bottles will just cause it to deteriorate further.

[MiamiMami]

Ashley, you are doing a wonderful thing for your nephew! Keep it going as long as you can. I did the same for my niece.
Does your sis understand the law of supply and demand? Or do you think she just wants this to happen?
Try to get her to a LLL meeting and see if it will give her some encourgagement. Relatives often believe others beofre their own....I know this from experience.

[Ashley]

I causually mentioned the SNS system to her, I'll have to tell her about it again.

Part of me does think she wants this to happen. My mom told me tonight that her DR said that her nipples are too big and he can't suck on them and so her nusring him will do no good because he can't suck hard enough to get the milk. GRRRRRR I hate when DR's say this stuff, I tell her it's okay but of course I don't have my medical degree so she doesn't want to listen to me.

[hopefulfaith]

I'm no bf expert and I really only lurk here! However, I can't resist posting:

Ashley, I think what you're doing ROCKS! Consider yourself hugged, mama.

M-M - consider yourself hugged, too - and sending best wishes for your health!

[TwylaBug]

I am so sorry that you are being treated this way. What you are offering is such a BIG thing and they don't even know it. My frie'd little girl was kept alive by someone donating their breats milk. And this woman was not family. Her story was actually aired on TV on the nightly news with Peter Jennings. Maybe if the BF and his mom saw my friend's story they would change their mind. Here' is her web page http://www.caringbridge.org/ca/morganfaith/ Even if they wont I applaud you for offering to do this. It's an amazing thing and I hope they realize it!

Twy~

[bri276]

you're doing an awesome thing! your milk will help prevent allergies and asthma and if you are sick, it's even better for him because in addition to all the normal antibodies in your milk there will be antibodies for the cold you have! lol. so don't worry. here are some more links to give to your sister

http://www.fda.gov/fdac/reprints/breastfed.html

http://www.promom.org/101/


the last two paragraphs on this page:

http://www.suite101.com/lesson.cfm/18061/1389/3

also, it's not too late for her to try to relactate! it is sometimes true that small babies have trouble latching on at first but as they grow they become stronger and can bf more easily! even if she cannot establish bf she could try pumping (that's what I have to do). if she bought a pump or rented a hospital grade pump she may still be able to make some milk, especially if she could get a prescription from her dr until it gets flowing! I'm really glad she's open to the idea of you donating milk to her at the very least it will do him some good even if it's a small amount! good luck! (and it is great that she stopped smoking!)

[Ashley]

Thank you for the links I will pass them onto her! I really think if anything she'd do the SNS. Because I don't think she likes pumping. (who does? LOL) I just think it's weird how he was such a great latcher/sucker in the hospital and then once they were home he didn't? That boy knew how to nurse and he did it well!! I really pray that she'll see some sense of why it's important to do this. She's got a Medela PIS. (I think) I've told her to drink lots of water, eat oatmeal, fenugreek and well she's just not really interested. You can only do so much talking, so maybe these links will do her good. Thanks!!!