I am just about to pull my hair out and I had no clue where else to come to talk about all of this. DH just had surgery so I hate to vent to him when talking is pretty much painful for him (he had his adnoids, tonsils, and part of his soft palate removed).
I am feeling terribly overwhelmed by my lack of being "prepared" for this birth. All of my other births have been hospital births and really very controlled so there was not much I could prepare for....it was all very routine. However with this baby most likly being born at home, I am feeling like there is so much emotionally I have to do to prepare and I just cannot open myself up to doing it all. I mean I don't know if it is just that I am trying to protect myself just in case I end up in the hospital, or if I am just scared.
I will be 34 weeks on Tuesday and my last 2 babies came at 35 and 36 weeks....not that based upon that I can say the baby will come early, but you would think I would have all of my ducks in a row by now, especially after having preterm labor last weekend. I have not cooked a single thing to freeze, I have not set up a single baby thing, all of the clothes and cloth diapers still need to be washed, and the extent of what I have for the birth is the pool and a fish net to scoop out any floaties if we birth in the water...lol. I still have SO much to do and prepare, but am for some reason in a state of procrastination and avoidance.
Part of me feels like "preparing" for this birth just because it will be at home is pointless and will take away from the naturalness of the situation. Though it is all new and being the crazy micromanager that I am I feel as though I have to "prepare". I am also a huge control freak
and I am struggling with this feeling that being at home is making the situation of the birth less controlled. It is weird.....I HATE protocol and being told in the hospital what you can and cannot do, but there is a sense of safety in all of it too. Am I crazy????
Sorry for ranting and being all over the place, I am just so frusturated and just don't really even know how I feel or what to feel right now. Thanks for listening though.
Alicia
I am feeling terribly overwhelmed by my lack of being "prepared" for this birth. All of my other births have been hospital births and really very controlled so there was not much I could prepare for....it was all very routine. However with this baby most likly being born at home, I am feeling like there is so much emotionally I have to do to prepare and I just cannot open myself up to doing it all. I mean I don't know if it is just that I am trying to protect myself just in case I end up in the hospital, or if I am just scared.
I will be 34 weeks on Tuesday and my last 2 babies came at 35 and 36 weeks....not that based upon that I can say the baby will come early, but you would think I would have all of my ducks in a row by now, especially after having preterm labor last weekend. I have not cooked a single thing to freeze, I have not set up a single baby thing, all of the clothes and cloth diapers still need to be washed, and the extent of what I have for the birth is the pool and a fish net to scoop out any floaties if we birth in the water...lol. I still have SO much to do and prepare, but am for some reason in a state of procrastination and avoidance.
Part of me feels like "preparing" for this birth just because it will be at home is pointless and will take away from the naturalness of the situation. Though it is all new and being the crazy micromanager that I am I feel as though I have to "prepare". I am also a huge control freak
and I am struggling with this feeling that being at home is making the situation of the birth less controlled. It is weird.....I HATE protocol and being told in the hospital what you can and cannot do, but there is a sense of safety in all of it too. Am I crazy????Sorry for ranting and being all over the place, I am just so frusturated and just don't really even know how I feel or what to feel right now. Thanks for listening though.
Alicia
). My midwife, however, is 1 1/2 - 2 hrs away! So even though I have all my supplies, I do still have that "out of control" feeling. To get ready, I made a list of things I HAD to have done before the birth (i.e. tub set up, birth supplies, at least a few blankets & diapers washes) & then a list of the things I really really WANTED to have done before Baby gets here. I really thought I was overdoing it with my list, but I just said, "I'm doing one thing as a time AS I FEEL ABLE & let the rest float." As it turned out, I got everything done last weekend, with the exception of 1 or 2 of the "want" list items which really aren't important to the baby's arrival, just things I think will be easier to get done before Baby's here. Just to echo pp's advise of "one thing at a time."
