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The dating thread returns! - Page 2

post #21 of 185
no major dating. Emma's dad and I still see each other everyonce in a while. I did meet a wonderful guy over the weekend, and we hung out friday night, saturday for lunch and saturday night and I stayed untill Sunday around noon (NO WE DIDNT DO ANYTHING) then I saw him yesterday at the mall. We will see, he is very nice and has wonderful manners and loves Emma
post #22 of 185
Hmmmmm
post #23 of 185
Quote:
Originally Posted by mystic~mama
I totally relate to this.....well,,,except for the 32DDD part
lol.... preach it, sister!

But, seriously, I think I'm decent looking, at least (if not... pretty? Maybe? ).... and I hear of lots of people being approached by guys, asked out on dates, blah blah blah.... but me? Never. It just drives me crazy! I am working on being more approachable, but... I still wonder if that will really help.

Anyway, about eharmony.... I actually took the time to go through the whole stupid profile thing -- and it told me that I was not the sort of person they could match with anyone. : Even eharmony thinks I'm not date-able!!!! : :
post #24 of 185
Kirei, I know what you mean about feeling un-approachable. I'm not shy, but I've found I'm shy lately around men. Just the other day I was at a fruit stand, and there was this cute looking guy who started chatting with me as if he knew me, and I bet I could have talked to him long enough or given him the right vibes...but I chickened out and went back into my cave.

I'm think, for me, there is just a big fear of WHO someone is and whether I feel I could trust them that makes me hesitant. Do you know what might make you shy?

That's good to know about eharmony, perhaps I won't bother going back and finishing my profile.

I did a trial to match.com, and found two interesting men to email. Actually, one seems really intriguing, he's got two girls he loves, but they live with their mom almost all the time "because I know they have a great place there and that's the best thing for them." And they go to a waldorf school. And, we just seem to have a similar playfulness, so we'll see where that goes. And we both just acknowledged that neither of us has done really any "dating" so it feels nice to have someone I'm on more of an equal footing with who won't be concerned about rules and games.

So, who has experience with internet dating protocol? What's good to do? Pace? And how strange was it when you met the person in person (I imagine a bit less so when you haven't communicated as long...am I write?) I might call him on the phone tonight...if the girls settle well and I get all my homework done. And I work up the courage
post #25 of 185
Quote:
Originally Posted by kirei

Anyway, about eharmony.... I actually took the time to go through the whole stupid profile thing -- and it told me that I was not the sort of person they could match with anyone. : Even eharmony thinks I'm not date-able!!!! : :

: I didn't know that was possible. I did the profile and they told me that they don't accept, or match up seperated people (only divorced) Was that it? Otherwise, I'll go with Match.com.
post #26 of 185
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jster

And I work up the courage

Oh, just go for it sister
post #27 of 185
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jster
Actually, one seems really intriguing, he's got two girls he loves, but they live with their mom almost all the time "because I know they have a great place there and that's the best thing for them." And they go to a waldorf school. And, we just seem to have a similar playfulness, so we'll see where that goes. And we both just acknowledged that neither of us has done really any "dating" so it feels nice to have someone I'm on more of an equal footing with who won't be concerned about rules and games.

So, who has experience with internet dating protocol? What's good to do? Pace? And how strange was it when you met the person in person
He sounds like a nice guy, good for you mama! I've met someone from online once. I used to play spades in an online club way before DS was born and had a regular spades partner. I talked to him online as a friend for over a year before we met in person. The meeting was kind of awkward but after I stopped being nervous it was ok. He was the same person he was online. BUT he certainly did not look much like his pictures, he was about 50 lbs heavier. There was no romantic chemistry but I still chat with him a few times a year online.

The first call is usually pretty uncomfortable, you may want to come up with a list of things to talk about in case the conversation stalls. But you'll be able to tell pretty quickly weather or not there is any kind of interest. Let us know how it goes!
post #28 of 185
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jster
So, who has experience with internet dating protocol? What's good to do? Pace? And how strange was it when you met the person in person (I imagine a bit less so when you haven't communicated as long...am I write?)
The more time you spend communicating first (via email, messenging or on the phone) the better idea you'll get about the person. The liars, will start to forget what lies they've told you and you'll find inconsistencies within a few different emails. The guys who only want sex, will get bored if you're not going to meet immediately.

I like to do a little online stuff first. Then the phone calls give me a better sense of what the person is like.

It is a little awkward meeting. If you've been looking at a picture, it's amazing how different they look when you see them in person. Plus, when you're used to writing online, you have more time to formulate things. I found it a little backwards....but it can still work out really well.
post #29 of 185
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by kirei
But, seriously, I think I'm decent looking, at least (if not... pretty? Maybe? ).... and I hear of lots of people being approached by guys, asked out on dates, blah blah blah.... but me? Never. It just drives me crazy! I am working on being more approachable, but... I still wonder if that will really help.

Anyway, about eharmony.... I actually took the time to go through the whole stupid profile thing -- and it told me that I was not the sort of person they could match with anyone. : Even eharmony thinks I'm not date-able!!!! : :
I'm guessing that you are giving off an "unapproachable vibe". I had that problem in high school, I was very shy and avoided eye contact with people and a lot of people later told me that they just assumed I was a snobby bitch I'm really not So I worked really hard on making eye contact with people (even if for only 2 seconds) then giving a quick half-smile. It's they shy way to say hello to someone. Then if they are interested they feel as if they've been given an invitation to come over and say hello.

Kids scare a LOT of people away too, but only the types of people you don't want to be dating in the first place. I'm not sure how old you are, but if you are fairly young (say 20 ish) you may have a hard time meeting someone that age who is ok with the responsibility of you having a little one. Most guys are going through their "party phase" until about 23, not all, but most IME. Just try not to look, and take baby steps towards being more friendly and approachable. You'll find someone. Most likely when you stop looking. You are attractive and seem like a nice person, there is someone out there for you. Let him come to you.
post #30 of 185
Quote:
Originally Posted by MsChatsAlot

It is a little awkward meeting. If you've been looking at a picture, it's amazing how different they look when you see them in person.

What about the guys who pose with no shirt on? :


Delete
Delete
Delete

post #31 of 185
Quote:
Originally Posted by kirei
lol.... preach it, sister!

But, seriously, I think I'm decent looking, at least (if not... pretty? Maybe? ).... and I hear of lots of people being approached by guys, asked out on dates, blah blah blah.... but me? Never. It just drives me crazy! I am working on being more approachable, but... I still wonder if that will really help.

Anyway, about eharmony.... I actually took the time to go through the whole stupid profile thing -- and it told me that I was not the sort of person they could match with anyone. : Even eharmony thinks I'm not date-able!!!! : :

i could have written this too

exactly the same thing happen to me with eharmony and that questionaire took forever! :

Quote:
Originally Posted by Jilian
I'm guessing that you are giving off an "unapproachable vibe". I had that problem in high school, I was very shy and avoided eye contact with people and a lot of people later told me that they just assumed I was a snobby bitch I'm really not So I worked really hard on making eye contact with people (even if for only 2 seconds) then giving a quick half-smile. It's they shy way to say hello to someone. Then if they are interested they feel as if they've been given an invitation to come over and say hello.

Kids scare a LOT of people away too, but only the types of people you don't want to be dating in the first place. I'm not sure how old you are, but if you are fairly young (say 20 ish) you may have a hard time meeting someone that age who is ok with the responsibility of you having a little one. Most guys are going through their "party phase" until about 23, not all, but most IME. Just try not to look, and take baby steps towards being more friendly and approachable. You'll find someone. Most likely when you stop looking. You are attractive and seem like a nice person, there is someone out there for you. Let him come to you.
great post....I can relate and found your advice very helpful
post #32 of 185
Mostly I browse here once in a while ... came today specifically to read about y'all dating ... I'm venturing out this week for the first time and wow! I'm really nervous ... I feel like I don't tknow the rules, etc.

Like, I'm meeting this one guy I've met on myspace.com (free site good for lots of things including dating ... I have found a lot of my local match.com guys are also on myspace, saves me the money ). Then seeing this wonderful guy I actually met at a bar NYE and we hit it off really well ... good phone conversations since then ...

But I just don't even know like, what the "rules" are, yk?

I also know for a fact that having three kids puts people off ... they don't get it. Um, hello? My kids aren't even going to know you exist unless things get serious ... But for example, the work friend of a friend of mine said, "Who is she? She's really cute!" and she said, "Oh, yeah, she's divorced, three kids ... "He cut her off. "Oh. Kids. Never mind." Gah.

The thing about eharmony is THEY match you up only with certain people, and the fees are high -- people on eharmony generally are looking to get married ... match is less expensive and you browse profiles and pick what works for you ... I dunno.

So what are the rules? Generally, I mean? Like, of dating? I've been in serious relationships only since I was about 16. I'm really looking forward to NOT getting serious, but don't know how???

~Kristi
post #33 of 185
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by BelovedK
What about the guys who pose with no shirt on? :


Delete
Delete
Delete

: : : It is so funny that you mention that, my ex is one of those guys 3 days after I told him I wanted to seperate he set himself up with an account on Adult friend finder.com (read: sex finder) and put up a picture of himself without a shirt on. How did I find out? He asked me to check his e-mail for him (I always did while we were married and answered all business e-mails for him) and he must have forgot that they e-mailed him his new account name and password. I logged on to read his profile and nearly fell off my chair laughing. Of course I printed out his profile and gave my friends a few laughs too The things he said in it were just too funny.
post #34 of 185
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by morgainesmama
I also know for a fact that having three kids puts people off ... they don't get it. Um, hello? My kids aren't even going to know you exist unless things get serious ... But for example, the work friend of a friend of mine said, "Who is she? She's really cute!" and she said, "Oh, yeah, she's divorced, three kids ... "He cut her off. "Oh. Kids. Never mind." Gah.
That is a good thing, who would want to date someone who thinks like that anyway? I think having a child helps weed the jerks out. That is why I usually tell people right away that I have a son.

Quote:
Originally Posted by morgainesmama
So what are the rules? Generally, I mean? Like, of dating? I've been in serious relationships only since I was about 16. I'm really looking forward to NOT getting serious, but don't know how???
I've never been one to follow the rules. I think sometimes they are silly. Except for the rules reguarding safety, those are important to follow. I hate the "don't call back before 3 days, never accept a date for the same night, etc" I think it is all BS. Dating with a child or children is hard but it helped me to cut out the BS. I let people know up front that DS is my main priority and that I wasn't interested in just a fling or playing games. I didn;t have much time to date so I didn't want to waste what little time I had dating a jerk, KWIM. Just be honest. After a few dates if you find yourself really liking the guy then let him know. Don't be afraid to ask where he sees the relationship going. Be yourself and be honest. Most of all, have fun!
post #35 of 185
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jilian
: : : It is so funny that you mention that, my ex is one of those guys 3 days after I told him I wanted to seperate he set himself up with an account on Adult friend finder.com (read: sex finder) and put up a picture of himself without a shirt on. How did I find out? He asked me to check his e-mail for him (I always did while we were married and answered all business e-mails for him) and he must have forgot that they e-mailed him his new account name and password. I logged on to read his profile and nearly fell off my chair laughing. Of course I printed out his profile and gave my friends a few laughs too The things he said in it were just too funny.
how funny

the guys that pose with their shirts off gross me out :Puke

my ex joined Adult [sex] finder soon after dd and I left....I checked his email out of curiosity.
post #36 of 185
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jilian
: : : It is so funny that you mention that, my ex is one of those guys 3 days after I told him I wanted to seperate he set himself up with an account on Adult friend finder.com (read: sex finder) and put up a picture of himself without a shirt on. How did I find out? He asked me to check his e-mail for him (I always did while we were married and answered all business e-mails for him) and he must have forgot that they e-mailed him his new account name and password. I logged on to read his profile and nearly fell off my chair laughing. Of course I printed out his profile and gave my friends a few laughs too The things he said in it were just too funny.


For some reason the smilies won't work, I was going to say YIKES and then many laughs. I have been cruising on Match.com and it's amazing how many men do that (your X ) I'll bet you got a lotta laughs out of that one...Does he know you know? I don't think I could keep it to myself.
post #37 of 185
you know as much as i want a man (i think its my 'body' speaking) i really dont have time for dating - unless ex takes dd for periods of time on a REGULAR basis not last minute when it pleases him. i wish there was a place where one could 'meet' both sexes just to be friends. i could do with some good conversation. i really feel i need more friends than a relationship. i love talking and sharing my opinions. have tried out a few groups - mom related - and i know there are sports groups out there but with a child hard to join them. it would be so nice to hang out at a coffee joint with kids playing around (my dd loves coffee houses) and have the adults locked into an interesting argument.

but i am off to asia next week to figure out what the heck is going on with my mom (on the verge of a nervous breakdown living the life of a loner). had to fight ex to take dd. hope i meet someone nice on the flight to have a good conversation with and some nice people who will entertain my dd.
post #38 of 185
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by BelovedK
I'll bet you got a lotta laughs out of that one...Does he know you know? I don't think I could keep it to myself.
Yeah, I spilled it one day when he made me mad. I said something along the lines of "Well at least I'm not joining porn sites advertising myself as long and thick and in search of a hottie who likes sex" He was floored that I knew. The look on his face was priceless. I wish I had taken a picture of his face
post #39 of 185
Quote:
Originally Posted by morgainesmama
Mostly I browse here once in a while ... came today specifically to read about y'all dating ... I'm venturing out this week for the first time and wow! I'm really nervous ... I feel like I don't tknow the rules, etc.

Like, I'm meeting this one guy I've met on myspace.com (free site good for lots of things including dating ... I have found a lot of my local match.com guys are also on myspace, saves me the money ). Then seeing this wonderful guy I actually met at a bar NYE and we hit it off really well ... good phone conversations since then ...

But I just don't even know like, what the "rules" are, yk?

I also know for a fact that having three kids puts people off ... they don't get it. Um, hello? My kids aren't even going to know you exist unless things get serious ... But for example, the work friend of a friend of mine said, "Who is she? She's really cute!" and she said, "Oh, yeah, she's divorced, three kids ... "He cut her off. "Oh. Kids. Never mind." Gah.

The thing about eharmony is THEY match you up only with certain people, and the fees are high -- people on eharmony generally are looking to get married ... match is less expensive and you browse profiles and pick what works for you ... I dunno.

So what are the rules? Generally, I mean? Like, of dating? I've been in serious relationships only since I was about 16. I'm really looking forward to NOT getting serious, but don't know how???

~Kristi

Hey Kristi, just wanted to let you know that I live in the next town from you!!

Havent been on a date since Sept 2004!!!!!!! Think I need to get out??
post #40 of 185
I'm getting ready to start dating again.

I came out of a five year relationship about seven months ago. My ex has long since moved on (oddly enough with the woman that caused all our initial problems) and I am struggling to deal with that.

I read somewhere that for every five years you were in a serious relationship you should give yourself a year to heal. (So ten years married, two years off, etc.) Anyway, the closer we get to spring - the more I'm looking forward to getting out there.

I'm terrified though. My ex was my first boyfriend (like - first kiss and everything) so I have no idea how to go about this. I have a three year old daughter, and between her and school (I'm a nursing student) I barely have time to breathe.

But I do think it's time for me to at least consider socializing with the opposite sex once again. I have this disconcerting "don't talk to me vibe" currently going on that I have to work on though.

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