Vent!

[ChiaraRose]

Alright, maybe I don't know better and this is my first child, but I am getting sooo annoyed by people telling me to enjoy my last few weeks of pregnancy because when the baby is there I will never sleep again and be stressed out for the rest of my life pretty much.
I am sooo done being pregnant, I have been nauseous AGAIN since Christmas, I have no feeling in the fingers of my right hands, I am horribly tired, but can't sleep, only naps and these are just the symptoms of pregnancy that really bug me. I want my body back!!!!!
I want this child out, isn't this the whole point of being pregnant??? To have a baby and now all these people, especially new moms (I went to a breastfeeding support group today and they were telling me this a lot) telling me it is sooo wonderful being pregnant and sooooo hard to have a child. Ack!
I can't see very many wonderful things in my state and this is a very wanted child that we tried for very long and and very hard!
i take the sleep deprivation over the constant nausea ANY DAY!!!!! Thank you for letting me vent. can someone tell me it is nice to have a newborn, that i am going to enjoy it because in my heart I know I can't wait. I have been wanting to be a mom for so many years now. bring it on because I am ready
Liane

[Shelleybelly]

I'm sorry. Pregnancy isn't easy, especially the last month or so, and people don't make it any easier. If they are not telling you to enjoy being pregnant they're giving you a hard time because you haven't had the baby yet . There is no winning.

Having a new baby has its challenges but it also has its joys and trying to compare it to pregnancy is like comparing apples and oranges. There is nothing like holding your little baby in your arms for the first time and looking at their little limbs and imagining how they used to be curled up in your body. You get to know them so well over the nine months they are in you and it is so fun to get to know them all over again once they are born. Hang in there! You will have your little one in your arms soon!

[aguacates]

s Mama! You know, for some people pregnancy might be easier, but I have pretty miserable pregnancies(I'm still puking daily). For me, when dd was born, it was wonderful. I got way more sleep, was way more comfortable, and was just pretty blissed out in general. I read somewhere that women who have great pregnancies have low progesterone in general, so the higher progesterone levels in pregnancy make them feel great. And then they tend to have more difficult post-partum periods because of the resulting progesterone crash. So I've always soothed myself that since I don't have enjoyable pregnancies, at least I'll have an easier post partum time. I don't know how scientific that all is, but at least that is what I tell myself , and my mom had identical experiences.


I think also people like to tell horror stories, even new moms, who should remember what it was like when people were telling them horror stories. Every experience is different. I predict newborn bliss for you !

[afishwithabike]

Pregnancy is the hart part. My SIL and I have a phrase we share. I would go through labor and delivery 1000 times but not if I had to be pregnant for each one. I am not one for endurance. Honestly though I know I was miserable at the end of my pg with DS, but I only sort of remember it now and he is not quite 6 mo.

[katja]

Some of us really enjoy having newborns and get a lot more sleep after baby is born. We were just talking about this on another thread in this forum, but I can't remember which one, maybe the "can this really go on another month" one. Pregnancy can be a really trying time. I would go through labor a hundred times if it meant I could skip pregnancy. Newborns are wonderful, and if you co-sleep, you'll probably have no trouble getting enough sleep, especially since this is your 1st. I have such sweet memories of dd's first few months. Oh gosh, now you're getting me all excited about having an actual baby. I better quit before I start to cry.

[CajunMama]

OMG it is so much better with a newborn in your arms, than big and preggo.

Don't let those mean ladies scare ya!

[rachdoll]

Who are these crazy people who think that it is harder being a mom then being pregnant? I would much rather be waking up in the middle of the night to change a cute diaper and nurse my precious newborn than waking up to struggle out of bed with all my aches just to go potty!

[AndiG]

Ok, lets have a little bit of a pause here....and then a voice of not quiet dissent, but perhaps, a different perspective.

First of all, I see your point that you're eager to have your body back and have your baby in your amrs. Yes, I understand that pgs can be difficult and that you can want it to be over.
BUT I also get frustrated by people who get 'focused' on the finish line of giving birth as though IT is the event that this all leads up to. Its not. Birth is a rite of passage and an event but it is parenting that is life altering in more ways than you can possibly understand at this point.
Progesterone levels, nausea, ppd and all that aside, I think these people are teling you to 'cherish' these last days without your babe in arms because its a nice way to experience them. Spend your time doing nice things for yourself, having quiet meals with your partner, go to a movie or two or even three.... These things will become very unimportant and likely unattainable for the first several months post partum. Do not spend the last days of your pg, whining about 'oh I just want this baby out of here" because you're missing the whole POINT. Yes, being pg is about having a baby, its also about cherishing the time that you can so effortlessly nurture and care for that babe and prepare yourself mentally for the struggle that having a newborn can be.
I notice most of you who replied about how LOVELY the newborn period is are either first time moms or you have only one other child. I'm not being cocky here but it can be awfully different baby to baby so don't paint all other moms with the same brush, their newborn period may have been very very difficult. Often nursing can be extremely challenging due to physical problems for mom or baby or there can be other life complications (illness of a child or spouse, signficant natural weather problems etc) which can make a newborn period less than stellar (my dd didn't latch to nurse until she was six days old, my dh had to be hospitalized with a super bad virus when she was ten days old, then he had to go on a business trip when she was 2 weeks old - planned well in advance but then she was over a week late, we all got colds at a month old and then when she was precisely 45 days old, it was 9/11).... now I look back on her newborn period as walking pretty close to HELL.

But, ahem... that's not what this thread all about.... I guess I'm just saying rather than getting pissed at the moms who were telling you to 'enjoy this time', why dont you try doing some nice things for yourself and your partner. Your baby won't come until he or she is good and ready anyhow and focusing on labour starting 'any minute' just makes the time drag and makes you miserable.

I'm not trying to be nasty. Really, I'm not.

[birthjunkie27]

Sorry for poking in here, I'm from the Dec. 2005 due date club. As someone who's been at that, "I'm SO done being pregnant" point just a few weeks ago, I can honestly tell you that I do miss being pregnant. Even though I went to 41 weeks and was extremely uncomfortable.....I do miss it. BUT I am in love with my newborn. I wouldn't want to go back to being pregnant and not have her....but I do miss it.

[ChiaraRose]

Thnak you mamas for all your replies! It feels good to know that I am not wandering into living hell without knowing it
AndiG, I read your mail very carefully and several times and I see your point of course.
I think I am old enough and and have the life experience to see that having a newborn is not going to be all rosy and happy and uncomplicated, even though if course everybody hopes so.
I also do all those things you suggested, We took pregnancy pictures last week to cherish this very special time, we enjoy each other and I connect with my babe through meditation and through listening into my body and these are the things I enjoy.
BUT I am aslo miserable, physically and often emotionally exhausted. Trying to become a mother has been going on for me for years and and we were in the process of adopting when I finally became pregnant. This was a very twisted situation in itself and I don't want to go into it. But for me adoption and pregnancy are a way to become a mother and definately a rite of passage also, but my goal is to hold a baby or child in my arms. So I kind of agree with you, but kind of not, ykwim
I just get frustrated with people who put their experience and frustrations on me, be it struggle with infertility, going to adopt, being pregnant and being a new mom or an old one for that matter.
I usually don't whine, by the way, just because of my desire to have a babe, I cherish it so much, but I don't lie. I want to hold the little one, take care of it and myself as seperate beings, not only as souls, but as bodies also. And I don't want to feel bad about that
Hope you are not upset with me, but I felt I would like to answer you directly.
All the other mamas, it is nice to hear that there are good things about newborns, too I just needed some reassurance and some hugs, i guess.
Liane

[EllasMama]

Here's my theory, based on personal experience:

Being pregnant is really hard, and really great.

Having a newborn is really hard, and really great.

Having a 1 year old (2-3-4-5) is really hard, and really great.

Seriously, I'm not trying to be a smart-a$$, it's just that every phase of life has many challenges and many perks. The grass often looks greener on the other side, and in retropsect things always look different than they did at the time, but in a given moment, almost everyone can think of negatives and positives to whatever topic.

I believe the "horror story" thing is something people do almost totally to make themSELVES feel better...sort of a cross between patting themselves on the back for the hard work they're doing while grieving what they've lost. Of course it'd be way preferable if they'd grieve and self-congratulate in private, but that wouldn't serve the desire to be heard and almost "competitive" over who's got the harder life. And in another way, perhaps it can be just one of those useless banter things that people say when they don't know what else to say (akin to, "how far along are you? are you sure you're not having twins? hahaha").

I do understand your frustration, that happened to me all the time with my first. The nice thing about this pregnancy is, at least for me, people always ask if this is my first, and when I tell them "no" they don't launch into their stories. They know I've BTDT so they don't even bother to try...apparently they just flock your way to pester you! Sorry about that, and my theory is that when you're pregnant, then by golly you have every right to vent about anything you want!!!

Hugs,
Carol

[JoyofBirth]

I'm sorry you're getting so much negativity. I would tell people when I was pregnant to please only tell me their positive stories and thoughts. Pregnancy and childbirth can often become an exchange of war stories. I enjoyed my pregnancy, but I think the changes were gradual enough I didn't realizzze some of them. It took me 2 months after Emma was born to realize i could easilt walk up stairs and eat and stuff, because it had been so long since I'd done them carefree. When your baby is here, you will be able to cuddle and love him/her. ANd first babies are awesome because you can totally focus on them. I also mad eit clear to my dh that the baby was my priority, so if the house is mess, it's because dd needed me. So that helped a lot with PP healing and exhaustion that I didn't have to stress over cleaning. Also, when you co-sleep and breastfeed, there's nothing to lose sleep over. You just hook up baby and go back to sleep. When dd was about a week old, we were out somewhere and people were really impressed that I was not totally exhausted and looked well-rested. Being a momma rocks! Especially the first time, expecially with a newborn. (though at every stage I say this is my favorite so far, I just love my babe to bits.)

[AndiG]

ChiaraRose, I appreciate your direct response to my post.

I also am glad that you shared the back story of your struggles to become a mother. It helped me a lot to understand why the end of this journey was so important to you.
(I have two other friends who have become pg while in the process of adopting after long battles to conceive)

I am sorry if my post seemed a bit like "oh stop your whining" when you were asking for support.

To say "it is lovely" to finally have your child, is such an understatment.... I remember vividly sitting in my hospital room just before dawn of the day I was able to bring my daughter home and sobbing with joy as I watched the sunrise. Those early days were so challenging, so new, so full of emotion. I remember vividly my dh's statement when one of his companies customers wasn't all that understanding about us needing a bit of extra time after the birth... "why doesn't he understand, I want to write her name in the sky I love her so much?".... There is so much joy.

I try hard each pg to not lose patience with the end of the pg, becuase I soooo did the first time and was just trying to encourage you to do the same. I actually do sort of regret not taking more time read, and smell the flowers in teh last days of my first pg, and was hoping to encourage you to do the same. Not things focused on the baby, things focused upon you and your partner.... there will be lots of time to focus on the baby. Have the extra chocolate ice cream cone, have every extra pleasure that you want these last days, despite all the joys of parenthood, I find that those 'extra pleasures" are not quite as much fun now, I'd rather give anything and everything I have to them, and see their joy.

Be selfish these last days. Your world is about to become so much fuller and brighter and more intense in the most extremely joyous and heartbreaking ways all at the same time.
Just don't wish them away....

I hope the nausea abates some, so that you can.

[charmcitymama]

i just need sleep
with dd i slept better after she was born....nursing problems and all
cherish? the? moments? in this miserable fog?

[3 Little Monkeys]

Since I"m doing this for my 4th and most likely last time, I can see this from both sides. I hit the "I'm so done being pregnant" stage about a month ago - and I still have a month left. I just want this little one in my arms, rather than beating the living you know what out of me from the inside! However, I can understand the "enjoy these last weeks" point of view as well because as difficult as my pregnancies are and as horrible as I feel towards the end, I really do miss being pregnant after the baby is born. I don't miss being uncomfortable and clumsy and exhausted, but I miss feeling the baby move inside of me, feeling baby react to dh and the girls, watching my belly move when baby is kicking and squirming - but all that aside, I still want this baby to be here, I'm ready!