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BWing nixed for wedding - Page 2

post #21 of 27
I was b'maid for my friend when DS was 9 weeks old. Yes, weeks. Big huge mistake for many reasons, but I got through it.

The dress was red satin, and I ordered a reversible hotsling with gold brocade on one side. It was *gorgeous* with the dress.

But I didn't wear him until the reception.

If i were in your shoes, I'd have DH bow out. Then he can stand to the side and hold Ez, and you can do your duties; if hubby is just a groomsman, it's a lot less of a deal than a MOH bowing out, know what I mean?

In our situation, the bride ordered us to be there at 1pm. The ceremony started at 6. ggggggggggaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaacccccccckkkkkkkkkkkkk kk.

Hubby and DS hung out in the church's "cry room" all day, coming to find me when milk was needed. I'd go into the cry room, pretty much strip to the waist (bride required us to be dressed *extremely* early and the satin didn't stretch LOL), and nurse DS. Then I'd re-dress and go back. The cry room was soundproof, had a one way window so DH could see (and hear, over speakers) the wedding while watching DS and watching me sway back and forth in the July heat, sun coming down through the massive stained glass windows, heat waves coming off of her massive wedding party (8 or 9 attendants on each side, 2 flowergirls, 2 ringbearers, candle lighters...).....

They went alone to the reception while I went off with them for pictures; I'm sure my boobs got bigger as the pictures went on. DH checked out the site for me, made friends with some security guards (one of whom had 4 kids who were all breastfed) to make sure I wasn't bothered while feeding DS downstairs, and got us all situated.

It was a bad experience made OK by my hubby.

So I'd suggest trying something like that.

And it's almost guaranteed that months after the wedding, you'll mention all the trouble you went to, and she'll express a complete lack of knowledge of all you went through, and will say "oh you should have told me, I would have let you wear DS!"

post #22 of 27
There isn't an easy solution to this one....

It is your best friend's wedding. One portion of one day. The amount of time she is asking you to not carry your baby is really probably less than two hours (between photos and wedding), maybe much less depending on the ceremony. Maybe one hour total?

It is clearly made much more difficult by a) 12 hours from home and b) your dh also in the wedding. I agree with the poster who suggested bringing someone with you. I know it is a LONG way to go (you are driving?) so you'd really be owing someone! Your sister? Your mom?

If none of that works out, I do think that your dh stepping down as groomsman might be the best answer. BUT since it is a beach wedding, might it work out to TRY the aunt holding her IF the bride is ok with you or dh stepping out of the ceremony to care for dd if she cries? It just seems like (especially if your dh can be the last groomsman, furthest from the bride and groom) he might be able to walk out and around the people attending the wedding to get the baby from the aunt?

5 months old might be really ok to get through this whole thing. Now an 18 month old - well, at least my 18 month olds - never.

Can your friend tell you how long she estimates the wedding and photos will be? The photo part shouldn't be TOO bad as once a handful of whole group shots are done, you and dh wouldn't be in too many photos together I'd guess. You know, bride with bridesmaids (dh holds baby), groom with groomsmen (you hold baby), bride and groom with flower girl and ring bearer (neither of you in the pix), bride and groom with his family (ditto), b & g with her family (ditto), etc.

Even though it is a difficult situation, because this is your best friend, I would try to make it work and accomodate her the best you possibly can. I know I was bridezilla; most of us are around our special day. It would be a very nice gift to her if you could find a way to make it work without putting stress on her about it. Someday when she has kids she may understand how hard it was for you. Or maybe not. But if she is your best friend, I think you should do it for her.
post #23 of 27
I was thinking the same thing as Red - walk down the aisle without dd, and then hold her during the ceremony.
But Ellaine makes a good point about people looking at the baby and not the bride!
Babies also tend to get more vocal around then which might be disruptive.

Sorry, I'm no help, just thinking out loud
I hope it works out one way or the other, update us later!
post #24 of 27
Thread Starter 

Thanks So Much!

YOu all have given me so many great options and I really appreciate it. Dh and I both appreciate it; I read things out loud to him as we talked about what to do.

Well, last night we met with bride and groom to discuss. They said they will be supportive of whatever decision we make. We talked about me attending the wedding but not really being part of the wedding party. The drive (about 12 hours each way) is still our big concern. They know we love and support them it's just such a haul to get there. The uncertainty of it is what worries me. I hate to imagine not being at her wedding but am so anxious about going. Okay, that's not really related just ot babywearing though so I won't go on about it...

Thanks, again for all of your insight and advice, mamas! Once again, MDC mamas help me out with big decisions!
post #25 of 27
I don't suppose you can bring a babysitter? I was the matron-of-honor at my sister's wedding when my son was 10 weeks old and my ILs came down to hold him during the ceremony. At that age, though, he didn't care who had him as long as the cow was around for feeding. We did another wedding (just as guests) when Baby was 6 months old - my ILs again came to watch him during the ceremony/reception (it was adults-only, plus DS had just learned the wonders of SCREECHING so he wouldn't have behaved!) At my SIL's wedding in March, my parents are coming to be his watchers.
post #26 of 27
I really wish I'd have used a sitter for the wedding I was in. DD would have handled it so much better and I wouldn't have stressed the whole time.
post #27 of 27
Can you wear her at the reception and during the prep for the ceremony. Maybe if you can stand on the outside and the aunt is in the first row it will work out. If she cries you take a 2 steps and you have dd. I think at this stage in the game bowwing out would put the bride in quite a pickle, and if it is only for the pics and ceremony I don't feel she is being unreasonable. She would have to find a replacement who would need to buy a probably expensive dress and have it altered on pretty short notice. Basically she wants maybe 45 mins with dd out of photo range. Probably still within 8 feet of you. I would talk with her about it.
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