Hard time writing birth story/digesting fast birth - Page 2

[MamaTaraX]

Thank you all so much for your replies!! I have been trying to write it bit by bit. I'm rather verbose, to be nice to myself (okay okay, I ramble and talk a lot!) soI really am having a hard time having so darn little to write. I have written little notes and when things come to me, I write them. My DH tells me stuff fromtime to time, thoughhe spent most of the labor not with me or scurryign around or freaking out. I haven't even seen my mom save for twenty minutes since the baby came, so she's out and I will talkto my midwife more about her short time there when she comes next. I did tell her I was having a hard time processing, and she was understanding. My cell phone hasproven to be surprisingly helpful. It hasthe calls on it that I made to my midwife and doula as well as my midwife calling me back, so I have some actual time references to work within, which makes it even faster actually. I've stared at and talked to the baby and stared at the candles that burned when he entered theworld. I even sat in the spot where the tub was I'm sure I'll get more of it back.

I always thought fast labors sounde dintense and not-quite-desirable...then I attended some and yeah, that's what I thought ThenI had my own and it is truly crazy. My last birth was 12 days of prodromal labor then 8 hours of super-crazy-intense hard labor...but I had 8 hours of it and lots of things happened, so it's all good. It's been fun trying to remember this birththough and remembering things that I thought and felt and how it was a really kind of out-of-body experience overall. I'm really justhappy I got to do it by candlelight, at least that part of my birth idea happened

Namaste, Tara

[Artisan]

Just wanted to send along a

[JanetF]

Everyone has said such great stuff I just want to say that I've seen a lot of women describe exactly what you're saying. A friend planned a freebirth and was so excited about it only to have about 4 cx and the baby fell out! She felt really disappointed at missing out on really relishing her birth, yk? I see other mamas who have really long first births make plans for a repeat only to have very short labours and they feel really shocked by it. I don't think there's necessarily an optimal length for labour but there does seem to be a need in many of us to at least labour long enough for our psyche to be well aware of the transition we're making from pregnant to mama. Give yourself time, you'll be amazed at what comes back and what gifts you find in your experience. Perhaps you will find ways to support clients processing similar births?!

[orangebird]

I had a similar experience with my third birth, just an hour long. I felt like I had been hit by a truck afterward and was still in a fog for days. It was really traumatizing. My second birth, about 15 hours, was so much nicer. I felt so great afterward. After the hour long birth I felt horrible. I still haven't written a good birth story for the last one yet, and it was six months ago yesterday. At first I was too traumatized, every time I remembered things about it I felt horrible inside. After reading the responses to this thread, I just asked DH if he would write out a birth story for me. I am sure his perception was very different than mine. Although at the end, while I was pushing, he thought both me and the baby were going to die, I never thought either of us were going to die. But great idea having a third party who was there helping with the details.

[JesseMomme]

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[henhao]

My gentle birthing time was 5-6 hours. Baby came out with one push.

I also had a hard time processing it. The hardest part for me was the growing pool of blood around my feet and realizing that I could have easily died had I been alone. Thank god someone was there to call an ambulance. I was alone for 30 minutes while DH went to the store; neither of us realized how far along I was.

However, it was one of the most amazing experiences of my life. And that is also hard to process...that ONE experience can be beautiful, hurtful, powerful, sad, happy and so on.

What helped me get back some of the moments was to talk to DH about it. He reminded me I got in the shower and then I could remember the warm steam. He would mention I was on the bed and then more memories came back to me.

I don't recall every second, and I'm at peace with that.

[Baby_makes_4]

Wow, I'm so glad I found this thread. On Oct. 27th I went into labor at 3:30am and my beautiful daughter was born at 4:12am. When I tell someone I almost feel like I missed out, I get the "no you don't" (well yes, I'm pretty sure I do) or I get the "really???" like I'm a big freakin idiot. I don't remember much either. I just have to focus on my healthy baby girl!
So I do really feel kind of sad, I understand. Hugs to you momma.

[Peppamint]

Good luck writing your story Tara. My labor was 4 hours long after three weeks of prodromal labor- it was the right amount of time given the fact that I'd waited so long for active labor. My midwife's assistant wrote down things, like the time she arrived, the doula and my mom arrived, when the midwife arrived, when dh came home from work etc which helped since time became a blur once I called people after midnight and starting blowing up my own birth pool (dh wasn't home nights). She also wrote down the time that I was 9cm and that 32 minutes later ds crowned, was born and and the placenta came out (all in the space of 6 minutes I think it was). It really helped me to see that on paper because it felt like everything happened at once.

When you have it written (whenever that is, no pressure), I'd love to read it.

[Phoenix_Rising]

DS is 11 weeks old - my labor was 6 hours from the point I realized I was having cx to when he was in my arms. I was expecting longer than that and I have friends who live about an hour and a half away who were "supposed" to be there for the birth but did not make it by the birth. I do definately feel like there are things that I missed out on. . . mostly what makes me sad is that Keagan's aunties were not there like I had planned on. Hugs to you. I also have not yet been able to coherently write down the birth story; I long to but cannot. When you are able to get it down if you feel like sharing I would love to read it.
-Susannah