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Worried my vision will not be fulfilled...

post #1 of 14
Thread Starter 
I am 12 wks pregnant, and have not had a prenatal visit yet. My midwife was extremely busy in December, and I was away all of January until Friday, last week.
My midwife called me to explain that she is quite sick, and will be off for three months. She asked if I could see my doctor until then, and I was fine with that.
My sister ran into our midwife yesterday, and she told me that she is really sick, and worried she may be off longer than she originally thought.
Firstly, I feel for her. She has three kids, single, and I know she can't afford to be sick, in more ways than one. I'm sending her much energy every night.
Secondly, on a more selfish note...I'm worried for my birth. I don't have many options. The other midwife here is a stressing person, she doesn't feel completely comfortable with homebirth. It would be much too chaotic with her.
I'm worried that I'll find out at 6mts that she's not coming back. I really don't want a hospital birth. I was visualizing a water birth, surrounded by my family, candles and music.
I'm just a little worried my vision won't be as I imagined.
Thanks for 'listening'.

post #2 of 14

my last birth did not turn out as I had planned. both dd and I are fine, but I"m already visualizing my next labor much like what you are saying: water, music, candles. nice and peaceful. (and I'm not pg, we're definitely not even ttc at this point ) - hence my lurking in this forum

I'm already telling myself to just relax and stop thinking about what can happen to 'derail' my plans.

of course, this is a tougher situation for you - you are actually pg and this situation with the midwife.. sorry I'm kind of rambling, but I guess what I'm trying to say is that you just have to trust that things will turn out wondefully. Try not to stress about it (I know easier said than done) It sounds like your midwife will have to work - being single with three kids.. and there is plenty of time for her to get better!

take care of yourself and that little one!!!!

post #3 of 14
Mamasoleil~keep positive thoughts in your head. Envision yourself at home giving birth, in the water surrounded by candles. You will have the birth you envision- maybe even better than you envision! i do hope your midwife gets better. It sounds extremely serious, if she's taking months off of work! Just think, August is awhile away, and hopefully she'll be well enough then. Try to focus on yourself, your baby, and positive thoughts, not the what ifs and negative thoughts.


post #4 of 14
Mamasoleil ~

how I know that worried feeling! I was 4 mo. along before I even found my midwife ( I had a group of Hosp/HB CNMs before her, at least, but things with them were feeling yucky and unsupportive).

there were no non-nurse homebirth midwives that I could find for a long long time.... and then, I got a name, and she turned out to be a great midwife, practicing for 20 some years already, and well known in the ohio HB MW community. calm and supportive, and someone I genuinely like.

the downside? she lives an hour and a half away and I had to find and convince my own back-up dr. in case of transport.

but, am now 33 weeks, and getting so close to that envisioned home waterbirth with candles and loved ones around, I smile with the excitement of it everytime I think about it.

I trust that this situation can work out well for you, too. just maybe not exactly the way you anticipate?

I would encourage you to talk to the midwife about your worries. I am sure you don't want to bother her, as she is not well, but maybe a note in the mail expressing your worries? perhaps there is another midwife you don't know of yet, or an apprentice getting close to coming into her own that would be available? and maybe you can get clarity on your midwife's illness, directly from her.

sending positive thoughts,

post #5 of 14
Coming from someone who planned homebirth's for both of my two children - neither one ended up exactly like my "vision".

The first time, my water broke 5 weeks early so I ended up having a hospital birth. No - it wasn't exactly what I wanted but it wasn't as bad as I thought (except for the scariness of having a preemie and not knowing if she would need special care). It was all fine though. Her lungs were okay and she stayed with me. I was so happy about that I didn't mind anything else.

My second daughter, we did have at home. We had planned a water birth but as she crowned, I started bleeding heavily so they had to get me out - no easy feat as I did not want to move at that time. Everything was fine, I had my homebirth - no candles or water - but my husband and 2 year old daughter were there and it was magical all the same.

So I guess my point is - have your vision and your dreams and try to make them come true - but keep sight of the really important part - bringing your baby into the world the best possible way.

ps Having a midwife you feel comfortable with is very important!
post #6 of 14
Thread Starter 

Thank you so much....

Thank you all so much. I have not yet spoken to my midwife, but I think a note in the mail is a great idea!!!
I'm keeping my vision in mind, and setting my intentions every month. I know the most important thing is bringing this baby into this realm of reality.
My first birth was at the hospital, miles away from my family. THis time around my sister, my mom, my daughter...will all be there...dh of course too...already things are great.
I will keep you all updated. I go to my first pre-natal tomorrow...can't wait to hear the baby's heartbeat!!!

post #7 of 14
Ya know what would take a lot of worry out of this situation? Call up the midwife and have a heart-to-heart. Just keep it simple and straightforward; "Hi, this is so-and-so. I am really worried that after taking all this time off, you may not come back. Is this a possibility? If so, I was thinking of going to so-and-so from now on..." If she says yes, she's definitely coming back, then that should take some worry away. If she seems unsure, nip the stress in the bud now by going with someone else. You don't need all this extra worrying during your pregnancy!
post #8 of 14
Thread Starter 

Things are looking bleak

I spoke to my midwife. And she said realistically speaking, she won't be back until May, if that...I didn't feel very confident. So, I called the other midwife, and she is booked solid, as our third midwife goes on maternity leave in March.
So, apparently they are trying to get a midwife to come work here for a year, to help out. If we do get one, then I'll be okay (though I hope I like her). If we don't, I'm pretty much not gonna get my homebirth. NOt quite ready to do it myself...

post #9 of 14
I will still think positive for you and hope that you'll get the home birth you envision.
post #10 of 14

I am sorry you're going through this. as I said, I really understand how disconcerting this feels.

please please don't give up hope. I believe it can work out.

what state do you live in? is your midwife a CPM, a CNM or a lay midwife? perhaps there is another kind of midwife than you know about practicing within an hour or two of where you are?

contact MANA (midwives alliance of north america) they are really helpful, and can provide you with MANA member midwife contacts of all types for your area.

contact citizens for midwifery.

consider the possibility of a HB friendly dr. (a long shot, but I have heard of a few scattered around).

does your state have a midwifery advocacy organization for consumers? here in ohio we are trying to rekindle Ohio Friends of Midwives for just this reason... not enough midwives, and too many afraid to be open about it b/c of the political situation!

post on midwifery today's web boards. I think there is a midwife who hangs out there who is willing to travel around the country to attend births. maybe you can hook up with someone like that?

good luck, I am thinking loving supportive available midwife thoughts really hard in your direction today!

post #11 of 14
Thread Starter 

I'm in Canada

But I was talking to a friend yesterday who told me she knows there are a few hb friendly doctors in town here, it would just be a matter of finding them, they don't really advertise it, kwim?
I'm also keeping positive thoughts. Again, still setting my intentions. I am a firm believer in everything happens for some reason, and it's not always easy, but I'm just going with the flow. I'm visualizing my homebirth, and somehow, the universe will provide.
Thank you for letting me vent here! I really appreciate it!!

post #12 of 14
Thread Starter 

Thought I'd give a little update....

Seems like I'll be able to have my homebirth after all! I was able to secure a midwife, thankfully! She is not comfortable with waterbirths, however, I will still set up my birthing pool and labour in the water, and whatever happens, happens!

I'm very happy! I also now know that my original dates are the proper ones, i'm now 15 wks pg!!

post #13 of 14
Yay! I am so happy to hear this. Some day there will be midwives for everyone everywhere! For now, I'm glad you found one for you.

(for the record, my MW hasn't done waterbirths either, and we plan to labor in an inflatable pool, and if the baby wants to come before I get out.... well, ok.)

post #14 of 14
Thread Starter 
Thank you sisters! I feel more at peace now! Lau~what is your mw's feeling about a possible wb? I figure, they have to gain the experience sometime right?

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