Another one to join the club! Single lesbian mom.
DD was concived one night after a few too many shots of Yegger to celebrate a friend's 18th b-day (and my 17th). My frined looked at me and say "So, I've never slept with a girl, and you've never slept with a guy, and we need to figure this whole sexuality thing out" to which I responded "Whats this 'we', maybe you do, but I've got it all figured out. I like girls. Mostly that one over by the stero in the pink shirt" which was responded by "Dude, how do you know you don't like guys if you've never slept with one", at 17 with some booze in you, this seems like a very logical argument! So, we DTD, and I discovered, not so shockingly, we were both gayer then Elton John's wardrobe. Afterwards he just looked me and said "Ok, I figured it out. You like girls. And I don't", which was as close as he ever came to "coming out" in high school.
So flash foward to winter break, and I'm sick as a dog. All the time. So finally I drag my lazy butt into the doctor. First question is "Do you think you might be pregnant", I easily respond that of course I couldn't be pregnant, I'm a lesbian. But then he says "And you've never had sex with a guy, not even once?"....well....damn. He gives me a pregnancy test and guess what? Yep, I'm all knocked up. It was kind of funny telling my friend. But I loved my dad's response "Ya know, when you told me you were gay when you were 13, I thought that meant I'd never have to deal with this". I was really lucky though to have his support.
So now, I'm 21, and I'm a very happy single mom. Dylan's dad is in her life though. Which is great. Unfortuently after community college (when Dylan was 2), he got a full ride scholorship to a college about 4 hours away. So we don't get to see him as much as we'd like. Summer, winter break, and a few weekends when we can is about it. Luckily, there is internet and unlimited cell phone minutes. He's graduating soon (like next week soon!), and then we'll all be close together again.
Its hard when its the two of us together with her. We've been friends for so long, and we have a kid together, so everyone assumes that we're together and happy heteros. And Max, I totally understand the whole "not the poster child for lesbian moms" feeling. I get that a lot. I live in a pretty liberal are, but still, people are just, well, stupid sometimes.
My biggest problem though, DATING. Ugh, the dreaded D word. Maybe its my age, but as soon as the words "I have a kid" are mentioned, the girl has an early meeting, even though she works as a bartender. I even tried some on-line dating, but mostly I got women in their 30s and 40s intreasted. I mean, I have nothing against women in their 30s and 40s, or even age differences in relationships, but I'm kind of looking for a girl closer to my age. I've dated older women, and well, its never really worked out. I once dated a woman 12 years older then me and she actually said she really liked me but I was just kind of "immature" for her. I was 16 at the time (pre-kid), she was 28. Um, yeah I was kind of immature. I was 16!
Ok, this turned out really much longer then I thought it would. So...sorry for the novel
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I'm also part of the Family Alliance, the leadership of all the parenting groups and interrested parties (like MCC, queer-friendly churches & synagogues, PFLAG, etc), and we meet quarterly to discuss the status of parenting resources in our area, what needs are being met, what needs still need to be addressed in our community. Maybe you can look into your area (or closest) LGBT Center and see what resources they have. Surely if you've thought about needing support, others have also! And that's a good place to start looking. Try a bulletin board and see how many others are also looking for support/play groups. You might be pleasantly surprised!
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