Well, I was disecting my angeer on Friday. I was supposed to go to a friends house ffor some fun and I waas waiting for DH to come home. I was expecting him any minute (he is ALWAYS late). And DD was not with the program either. She was running away from the diaper changing and pajama putting on. I am getting more and more angry and I am about to lose it. When I lose it, I will just manhandle DD and proceed with my program. Totally onappropriate adn exactly what my mom used to do. I may yell too. (Please don't judge me, since I am aware of the problem and indeed working on it)
Then I realised that I was also in the upsoming moments of being able to leave. I was fearful that DH would interrupt the bedtime routine and DD would not sleep untill later which usually means she doesn't sleep as well. I was feeling exasperated with having to change a toddler into their nightclothes and lets not forget my eternal power struggle of tooth brushing (more another time maybe). And I was always hoping that the next moment is the moment that DH would walk into the door. After a half hour of this I was going nuts, and just about to lose it.
Yet everyone was doing their thing that they do. DD was being a toddler. DH was late. And I took three deep breaths and realised, that this moment was not so bad. Not the moment I wanted since I wanted to be in the car on my way to my friends house, but not in itself bad. And I realised my fears, but also that I can't let them ruin my moment because these things may not come to pass, and they are irrelevant anyway.
My anger was totally diffused. Usually I would get pissy with DH if he is late, but I didn't. I just let it go. He is after all always late. He is simply unable to be on time. I should just plan my life around it.
This is the first time that has ever really happened. I have been working with my anger for a while now. On my own. And it is working!!! I am very happy. So I had a perfect mindful moment and I am making progress. I think it takes a while of intending to see it, and analysing after the event of anger has occured to suddenly be able to see it before it happens. And I don't doubt that I will still get angry, butI am making progress.
I don't think that Buddha wold expect people not to get angry, but if we were all enlightenend and perfectly mindfull at all times, wwe would never have the need to get angry. I will have to think about htis some mmore. Obviosly I am not typing well right now.
PS. Funny story about DH being late. I once told him that if I could get back all the time I spent waitng for him, I would have a two week vacation in Hawaii. He said to me~"Don't always yell at me for being late. You are late sometimes too."
I said "Yeah? Name one time!"
DH replies "you were late to our wedding." (it did start late)
I pointed out that we actually had to wait for his mom to show up! Then I asked him how long he had been waiting to use the late wedding card and he said since our honeymoon!!
Poor guy, you should have seen the look on his face. It was worth it to wait in 90 degree humid indoor heat waiting for his mom to see that look.