As mothers can we talk about raising pedophiles? How not to?? - Page 2

[DebraBaker]

Don't you think some people are wired to be vulnerable to being twisted and the environment will guid that person toward or away from the twisted state?

Some people suffer under terrible abuse but, because they weren't wired to react to suffering by becoming twisted, somehow survive their abuse and learn how to love and nurture.

I just cannot accept that people are born to molest children and there's nothing their parents or society can do to prevent it.

I don't blame the parents exclusively because people come to this earth with their own unique temperments but parents are responsible to take that personality and guide him or her in a good direction.

Debra Baker

[Tigerchild]

Originally Posted by NaomiLorelie

However, as a general rule, it is pretty well known that a combination of nature and nurture usually plays a part in the formation of such disorders. Of course if you come from a crappy home environment you aren't going to instantly become a sociopath.

Yes, but when people start implying that shielding your kids from sexy unsolicited emails is the most important step in ensuring their future mental health (esp. from a predator standpoint), I think that goes beyond PC and into the kind of dangerous assumption category. One of the reasons that some people don't solicit help for their kids (even those with somewhat benign problems, say depression, not even approaching the problems that involve things that make other folks freak out) is because they "know" that it will be placed at their feet because they weren't protective enough/protected too much/yadda yadda. Even if all "weird" non-mainstream sexual stuff went away and no child was ever exposed to it, I don't think it would really put a dent in crimes of that nature.

I think the prevention comes more in parents being able to be honest about a problem (or a potential problem) and willing to risk societal censure to get it evaluated and get help. I think it would also help if we as a society agreed to lighten up on the parental blame aspect and make it LESS of a social crime to have your kid evaluated/get therapy. Of course, it would also help if we could channel some resources so that anyone who needed that help could get it too.

I just can't stay silent when the idea that it's all that outside sexuality that's the problem. Well, I can buy that it creates problems of its own. But seriously, making someone into a pedophile or psychopath, with the examples given? I don't think so. I don't think it's that simple at all. It always disturbs me in these types of discussions where there is precious little devoted to ideas that "we" can do (because of course all AP parents would notice something like that and it wouldn't happen anyway because OUR families are so attached) and all the emphasis is placed on "them" (those irresponsible people that don't filter things in the same way we do, those mainstream people that create psychopaths by CIO, ect.) And even though we may be gentle people at heart, WE are contributing to the stereotype that only bad families have those problems by categorizing things in that way.

I don't like to think of my kids having those tendancies. And honestly, I have no idea if they will or not because I have NO family history available to me. None. I do the best I can parenting wise, but I don't parent because I don't want to raise murderers--I parent this way because I love my kids and it's a great fit for our family, and it seems natural to me. At the same time, I know that if there's some hint of a problem, I can't bury my head in the sand over it. But do I live in fear of raising a kid like that? No, not really. I was raised in a pretty twisted environment and turned out okay (though it's taken a lot of work as an adult to get to that point). But, on the off chance that there are things that are red flags that happen? I hope that I'm prepared to just roll with it and get that help, instead of just looking the other way because I figure I've done everything "right" and it must be somethine else.

I'm a definite believer in nature AND nuture. Which is why I don't buy the "if only kids didn't get exposed to weird sexual stuff" they might not turn out that way argument. Sorry, but I don't. I guess we'll all have to agree to disagree on that one.

[Soundhunter]

Originally Posted by Tigerchild

Yes, but when people start implying that shielding your kids from sexy unsolicited emails is the most important step in ensuring their future mental health (esp. from a predator standpoint), I think that goes beyond PC and into the kind of dangerous assumption category. One of the reasons that some people don't solicit help for their kids (even those with somewhat benign problems, say depression, not even approaching the problems that involve things that make other folks freak out) is because they "know" that it will be placed at their feet because they weren't protective enough/protected too much/yadda yadda. Even if all "weird" non-mainstream sexual stuff went away and no child was ever exposed to it, I don't think it would really put a dent in crimes of that nature.

I'm assuming you are referring to my posts that I deleted, but I did not say "that shielding your kids from sexy unsolicited emails is the most important step in ensuring their future mental health". In fact, I clearly stated, repeatedly that I didn't think shielding children from sexuality was necessary, I agreed that in many cultures old and new people live in more condensed housing where separate bedrooms don't happen, and that it's not sexuality itself that does any damage.

I tried to clearly say that in my opinion, exposing children to sadistic, humiliating or pain-centered porn, or objectification porn, in my opinion only, can influence their developing sexuaity, when it is believed sexual inclinations often develop. There has been ongoing debate for decades on the role of porn on sadistic criminals, I'm hardly original for making this "dangerous assumption" (this debate is easy to find info on, there IS a link between sadistic criminals and a taste for violent or S&M focused porn). And, I never said it was the most important step, you read plenty into my posts that wasn't there. I just brought it up as something I think that I can do, hardly the most important thing. Coming from a family of bipolars I'm aware that not all mental illness are caused by childhood exeriences, but not all violent criminals that get off on harming people where born with mental illnesses that explain their behavior. Only time will tell if my theory holds any water or not, as for whether exposing kids to a lot of this stuff will affect how violent/objectifying their sexual tastes may become as a result of having extremely easy access to forms of sexuality that until recently where in the underground for a long time. In the meantime, I think protecting kids from it while their own sexuality is developing is *something* that we can do, not everything, not the most important thing, just something.