So, my sil is pregnant and... (vent)

[doula and mom]

She's been ttc, and she's so excited, and I'm really happy for her. I'm going to be an aunt and my 3 are going to have a cousin!

However, she's pretty mainstream and so I expect her to do a really mainstream hospital birth that involves a bevy of drugs that will quite possibly lead to a c-section, and lately I am having a really difficult time with "mainstream" birthing. Not her in particular, just this country's attitudes toward birth, the way women just kow-tow to whatever their doc and hospital tell them to do, and think that homebirth, or even seeing a midwife for pre-natal care is for indigent hippies who don't care about their pregnancies or their babies.

I've helped 2 pregnant online friends work on their birth plans, and it just makes me gag -- seriously, who wants to think about the hospital's "rules" when you're having a baby? It really reinforces my belief that when it comes to having a baby, there's no place like home.

Anyway, I know I just need to relax and remember to live and let live. I just had to share. Sigh.

[CrazyCatLady]

I haven't learned how to relax about that stuff yet. I'm very nice to people in person. But when I'm alone I agonize over those kinds of decisions. So I keep people like that out of my life for the time being (not recommending that, it's just all I can do for now to maintain my mental health). You sound like you will be a great aunt. So congrats and hopefully by the time nine months is over, you will have swayed her to a more ap place in her parenting decisions (or we can always hope).

[paquerette]

Buy her a copy of TWG as a preggo gift? Lots of folks start out mainstream and learn new things during pregnancy.

[newcastlemama]

As the only homebirther in a family of childbearing age in-law women...I know how you feel. I think the book or other reading material idea is great. I cannot stand by while people tell me that an epideral is safe ect., so I just say "I read that....". If people knew what they were actually getting into at the hospital they would feel much safer at home!

[Jilian]

I agree that you should buy her a nice AP type parenting book as a pregnancy gift. The baby book was my first "crunchy" book and I think it covered a little bit of everything. Attachment parenting by Katie Allison Granju is great too.

If it makes you feel better, I was fairly mainstream while pregnant too. Birthing DS changed everything for me. I went natural, went on to BF for 17 mos, co-slept, CD, no vax.....etc, etc. Sometimes people don't "see the light" until they meet their baby. I sure didn't

[doula and mom]

Well I suppose *I* was even mainstream for most of my life; luckily I literally stumbled upon a very wise woman late in my pregnancy when I was on bedrest and had tons of time to kill, who loaned me her copy of "The Thinking Woman's Guide to a Better Birth" by Henci Goer, and it changed everything. The woman who loaned it to me ended up being my doula, and because of her, I was able to vaginally birth twins, second one breech and bigger than the first.

So, one can always hope!

[dkenagy]

I can empathize with where you're coming from... as a doula, I am sick of hearing drs scare Mamas into internal monitoring, pit, stirrups, c/s, you name it. I love homebirths and women who trust their bodies and think and research and don't just do whatever some dr (or midwife) says is best. However, I don't bat an eye when I'm asked to help with a hospital birth plan (or a hospital birth, for that matter). I LOVE it when women write hospital birth plans. That means they've done the research/thought through what's best for them, gotten familiar with the hospital policies, and want there to be a clear plan laid out so the care providers know what they want/expect and what they won't tolerate when they won't really be in a frame of mind for discussion/argument. I have recently finished my own hospital birth plan. Luckily, my hospital is very mama/baby friendly and every L&D nurse is also a trained doula. You see, some of us can dream and dream about a lovely homebirth, but it will never be a reality. I chose the hospital I have birthed in twice previously (one induced labor, one totally pure) because of its policies, philosophies, staff, and the capacity they have to help me take the best care of my little one who will most likely (75% chance) be born with the same congenital condition as my first 2 daughters. I'm glad that mamas out there have sought you out for advice regarding their hospital births, and I hope you can gently guide your SIL toward a more NFL/AP philosophy throughout her pregnancy. I agree with pp... try starting with a copy of TWG (and keep her away from what to expect!) and see where it goes from there.

Darci

[USAmma]

I know where you are coming from, but respect that some women want a hospital birth or other choices available to them. After reading all the books and knowing friends who homebirthed, I still chose a hospital birth for myself for personal reasons. However I made it a great hospital birth, and I felt fully in control of my wishes, many of which were not the normal practice. It's all about empowerment. I agree that at home she would not have to make her wishes known as clearly if she wants to go agains standard procedure, but you need to respect her wishes while gently letting her know what all of her options are, and how to sign waivers at the hospital if necessary.