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"She just stays home"

post #1 of 40
Thread Starter 
Have you heard people say this before? I have a friend who is constantly saying this about myself and other people. As if all we do is just stay home. She works and goes to school (BTDT myself) and complains about not having time for anything, yet she criticizes those of us who are SAHMs. I would like to gently let her know it hurts my feelings b/c I do not sit on my butt all day doing nothing. I have a 4 yr. old home with me all day long. Does that not count for anything? I mean, what gives with her thinking that I just stay home?
post #2 of 40
I've learned to ignore that stupid comment from people because most of these people who say that I "just stay home" would go mad if they were "just staying home" doing what I do all day. It's ignorance as far as I'm concerned and if it bothers you enough, I say clear the air and let her know how you feel.
post #3 of 40
I usually pipe in with something like, oh I don't *just* stay home. I eat bon bons and watch a lot of Jerry Springer, too.

post #4 of 40
I try to remind myself that people like that are missing out. Some people just do not get the same satisfaction and joy out of their children, grandchildren, or even great-grandchildren. Some people are chasing other forms of fullfillment and gratification, but really, I know that for me, having children and giving as much of myself as I can to my family and home brings me the ultimate satisfaction. Otherwise, why did I have my son? We couldn't wait to have him, and yes, he has required more of my dh and I than i ever could have imagined, but he's given us so much love and joy that we can't wait to have another one!

I think of this often when one of our ds grandma's is off playing golf every day and stops in to visit once every couple of months, and the other grandma (who lives much further) makes it a point to visit him nearly every other week, and always comments on how much he's grown and developed over just a few weeks...

I don't begrudge his other grandma her well-deserved time for herself; she did her job raising her children. But I know that for her, she just doesn't get the same satisfaction out of spending time with her grandchildren that his other grandma craves and needs. I have friends who feel differently towards their children than I do, and it's hard because I no longer relate to them the way I did before I had children. It's been a tough realization and I try to surround myself with as many other positive people as I can who genuinely take pleasure out of being with their kids most of the time.
Sorry this is so long....
post #5 of 40
Quote:
Originally Posted by chinaKat
I usually pipe in with something like, oh I don't *just* stay home. I eat bon bons and watch a lot of Jerry Springer, too.

that's great! i love that
seriously tho, there are many women's groups that are doing alot of important work getting out the message that women's unpaid work DOES count. you could check out this website, maybe get a few ideas

http://www.mothersarewomen.com/
post #6 of 40
Quote:
Originally Posted by mandib50
:
seriously tho, there are many women's groups that are doing alot of important work getting out the message that women's unpaid work DOES count. you could check out this website, maybe get a few ideas

http://www.mothersarewomen.com/
Great link; had no idea this site existed! Thanks.
post #7 of 40
I hate that as well. I don't "just" stay home either. With two DC under two a three year old weimeraner (which is just like another child), and babysitting my 10 1/2 week old cousin. I don't "JUST" stay home either. I do have trouble with that term.
post #8 of 40
Quote:
Originally Posted by chinaKat
I usually pipe in with something like, oh I don't *just* stay home. I eat bon bons and watch a lot of Jerry Springer, too.

That is exactly what I do all day

I've heard "she just stays home" on occasion but it doesn't really bother me. As hard as it is to be a full time stay at home mom I would much rather be doing this then working full time at this point in my life.
post #9 of 40
Thread Starter 
I feel very fortunate to be able to stay home and so I just hate comments like that. If I "just stayed home" my DH wouldn't appreciate it very much.

I personally like your response, china.
post #10 of 40
I don't get that but from my sister (who doesn't have kids or a job) who says "she doesn't do ANYTHING"...she thinks i'm online too much cuz i come on here duringn his naptimes adn while he eats. whatever.
post #11 of 40
i use the bon-bon comment to, but couple it with soap operas instead of JS. Most get i'm joking since we are tv free. lol.

My husband always speaks for me- he tells everyone he'd go crazy with my job and that i'm a saint [we have 3 kids 4 and under ] and he goes to work to unwind and relax.
post #12 of 40
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rainbow
i use the bon-bon comment to, but couple it with soap operas instead of JS. Most get i'm joking since we are tv free. lol.

My husband always speaks for me- he tells everyone he'd go crazy with my job and that i'm a saint [we have 3 kids 4 and under ] and he goes to work to unwind and relax.
lol that's what my husband says.
post #13 of 40
*I* am raising the future. *I* am actually shaping and molding another human being. *I* will affect what they are for the rest of their lives.

*They* just go to work outside of the home everyday.

That's how I look at it.
post #14 of 40
yeah but the way *they* look at it *they* are *contributing* because *they* are bringing in money. according to *them* *we* (SAHM's) bring in no money so what we do is worth *less* it still bothers me sometimes that the act of raising a child is of so little notice. shame.
post #15 of 40
Quote:
Originally Posted by CalebsMama05
yeah but the way *they* look at it *they* are *contributing* because *they* are bringing in money. according to *them* *we* (SAHM's) bring in no money so what we do is worth *less* it still bothers me sometimes that the act of raising a child is of so little notice. shame.
they in that post is the people that think of sahm's as less btw. not working mothers in general.
post #16 of 40
I think though that people who work outside of home are shaping the future as well... I'm very very proud of the working women of the world. I don't want to say they are ''just'' anything, as I don't want anyone to say I am ''just'' anything.

We may shaping individuals, they are shaping the economy, the working class, the standards of business. ALL have their place and value. The working women of today are paving the way in the workforce in a way that might open up more opportunities for my daughters.. and for that I'm thankful as well.

ETA- did we cross post or did I just miss that last post/ lol. I hear you... but I still feel that way. Even people who think what we do is less I don't want to demean in return... I just hope they see one day that it isn't all fun and games and bon bons. Although there are a lot of fun and games to be had in a day.
post #17 of 40
Rainbow,

I have to say I agree with you. If mothers didn't work, who would have done my biopsy, who would clean my dcs teeth, who would have taught me to read when I was a child, who would be driving the buses, delivering the babies, bringing us the music we love?

I am happy with the choice I've made--with the choice I have been able to make. But without working moms the world would stop, I'm sure of it.
post #18 of 40
Quote:
Originally Posted by chinaKat
I usually pipe in with something like, oh I don't *just* stay home. I eat bon bons and watch a lot of Jerry Springer, too.

I like this response!
Really though, I go nuts when some describes me as "just staying home".
I tell them I'm at home taking care of my son, thank you.
And the other thing that makes me nuts is the "so you're still not working?" This usually from people who know me fairly well, and have just "applauded" mothers for staying home to raise their kids in a different conversation. I swear people are brain dead sometimes.
post #19 of 40
I love the responses in this thread!

I wanna say I support every mom out there who has to/chooses to be a SAHM. I know its hard work and not everyone knows that. It doesn't matter what anyone else says!
post #20 of 40
Quote:
Originally Posted by Slabobbin
*I* am raising the future. *I* am actually shaping and molding another human being. *I* will affect what they are for the rest of their lives.

*They* just go to work outside of the home everyday.

That's how I look at it.

This is definitely good information to point out and hopefully guide *them* to a more complete understanding. I would add the fear that BRAVE NEW WORLD would certain come to pass more completely and sooner if not for the SAHMs and SAHHSMs!!!! How do you influence/create an individual? By participating in their lives, being someone to respect and admire, teaching, and so much more. Every SAHM I admire does all and more - and their children are TRUE individuals!
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