Purge Your Mama Guilt!

[annakiss]

This thread is a judgment-free zone (within legal limits ) and the point is to purge, dump, disembowel (err...) our brains of the guilt we carry around as mothers. The point is to say what you feel guilty for, plain and simple and not apologize or justify. There will be another thread for affirmations. So join in the fun. Post as much as you want. Let's let it all out.

I feel guilt because my son was born with a cleft. I feel as though it was my own behavior that caused the suffering he will endure the rest of his life. I feel sad that I could not give him more than I did.

I feel guilt because I lose it sometimes. I do the opposite of what I have learned and thought I should do. I do not react well to my son's behavior. I scream and I rage. I try to fight the beast back into its cage and fail.

[TeaBag]

OMG, Where to start?

I feel guilt because I let ds CIO when he was about 8-9 months old.

I feel guilt because I weaned him long before he was ready.

I feel guilt because I struggle every day to overcome my childhood and I lose it with my children. There are days when the rage just takes over and I hate myself.

I feel guilty because I hit ds twice; on two separate occasions.

I feel guilty for not fully reseaching circ or vax properly when ds was a baby.

I feel guilty that I complain about their normal childhood behaviors, whens so many out there can't complain because they've lost their precious babies or have never been able to conceive those babies.

[DreamsInDigital]

I feel incredible guilt that my oldest DS was my guinea pig for figuring out my mothering style. He ended up circ'd, vaxed on schedule, bottle fed at 4 months old, carried around in a baby bucket and slept in a crib in his own room at 5 months.
My younger two are intact, unvaxed, DS2 self-weaned at 21 months and DS3 is breastfed, I wore DS2 in a sling until he could walk and I wear DS3 now and I co-sleep with the two little ones.
I wish I'd known then what I know now.

[acystay]

Oh this is so what I needed esp. today!

I feel guilty b/c I let dd CIO 2 times thinking it would work when she was 9-10 mos old.

I feel guilty b/c I hit DS for no reason at all the other day.

I feel guilty b/c I screamed at DS today.

I feel guilty b/c I hate when I totally loose control and scream. I hate that I'm putting my children through the same torture my parents put me through and wish that I could break that cycle.

I feel guilty b/c I don't demonstrate a good manner of controlling your anger.

I feel guilty b/c I wanted to move into a house 50 miles away from Dh's office changing our family dynamic. We were 10 mins (walking) from his office and saw dh all the time. I feel guilty b/c they are lucky to see him much at night since he gets home around 8 pm.

Okay, now I'm needing some up lifting! I'm gonna go cuddle DD and read w/ her!!! Ah but thanks for letting me get that out today. I needed it. My children thank you for starting this thread.

[traceface]

I feel guilt because in recent weeks, I keep losing my temper with my sweet boy, yelling loud right in his face and man-handling him when moving him/picking him up while upset.

I feel *really* guilty that when he was 20 mo. old, I left him once for 2.5 hours with a babysitter he didn't even know. (of course he cried when I left, supposedly got over it quickly) I made this decision against my instincts at the time and for no good reason except to go to a movie. The really guiltifying part is, I did it due to subtle pressure from my friend, whose son was the same age and at this babysitters' house. Basically, I didn't stand up to her because I was a wimp and didn't want to point out the difference in our parenting philosophies. Instead I sacrificed my son's well-being.

I feel guilty because I am in front of the computer so often when my son is playing, instead of working toward making our household run more smoothly/peacefully.

I feel guilty that I complain too much and often have a negative attitude around my son & husband.

[magster]

I feel guilty for using the nicotine replacement patch throughout the pregnancy and subsequent nursing. At the time, I thought I was doing good, now the experts say that outright smoking is less harmfull to the fetus. Yeah, go Magster.

I feel guilty for not enjoying playing on the floor with Marina, I keep thinking about other stuff (reading, knitting, being on the internet, etc.) I'd rather be doing.

[DebraBaker]

I feel guilty because I have lab today and had to scramble for the kiddos.

So it all worked out and now I guilt because, as I mentioned, I have lab and can't drive them home.

One has his own car so he isn't a problem.

The others, well, one is asking for a ride which leaves the other who will likely sit and wait for me to get out of lab.

The younger two are walking to their destination.

I feel guilty but I waited until my youngest was in first grade, why, oh why does the school mess with the scheduling.

The one only has a Tuesday activity on the last Tuesday of the month so it is only going to be an issue a handful of times and the only other time I could schedule a Botany lab was after this one which would have been worse.

I feel guilty when I try to be something other than a mom to a bunch of children but when I was nothing but a mom to a bunch of little people, I felt resentment followed quickly by......guilt.

Debra Baker

[stiles' mummy]

This thread is just want I needed today.

I feel guilt because dh and I are going through a very rough patch and yell and scream way too much around our ds lately. Afterwards, I know that we have to try for his sake to tone it down, but whilst it's happening it is like a beast, a wildfire that I/we have no control over.

I feel guilty that my ds might grow up in a single parent home (something I swore I would never put my child threw, unless of course dh was physcially abusive) but the reality might be that if things don't improve between dh and I , ds will be shuttled back and forth between dh and I eventually.

[Al Dente]

I feel guilty because I let ds watch too much TV so that I can get things done. And sometimes so I can veg out.

I feel guilty that I'm resentful when I can't have time to myself (ever!) because ds is still latched on at naps and can't sleep more than 30 min. without me at nighttime.

I feel guilty that I am even THINKING about weaning him so I can lose weight. I have a lot to lose and want to do it quickly but know I shouldn't.

I feel guilty that I don't get ds out enough or socialized enough. We're stranded here without a car and I often feel frustrated with that, especially since I know ds needs more interaction with other people than I do.

[TypicalSituation]

I so need to post on this today.

I feel guilt because I yell at my son on a regular basis.
I feel guilt because I am rough with him sometimes.
I feel guilt because I know that his bad behavior is his way of getting my attention.
I feel guilt because I quit reading my parenting book.
I feel guilt because I can't stand to be around my son sometimes
I feel guilt because I act like my mother sometimes
I feel guilt because I feel closer to my daughter than my son
I feel guilt because I know I am wrong
I feel guilt that I don't spend enough time with my son because I am on the computer/doing housework
I feel guilt because I bitch to my dh after he has worked all day so I can stay home

[arimama]

I feel guilty because most days I feel like I dont love my 3.5 year old, but i simply adore my 5 month old.

I feel horrible guilt about my son telling me last night that daddy is the only one who takes care of him and that I am a bad mommy.

I feel guilty for making my son so miserable by having a new baby.

I feel guilty because in my head I am so GD, but in reality I yell and have spanked. i cant even live up to my own standards.

I feel guilty that my son sometimes eats candy in the morning, when I always thought he would eat a perfect all organic diet.

I feel guilty that I complain to my husband everyday about how unhappy i am when I know he is busting his ass to take care of us.

I feel guilty because many mornings i lay in bed dreading having to take care of my son all day.

i feel guilty because i rarely play with my son, i take care of his needs but playing bores me to death and usually involves him screaming at me for playing with something the wrong way.

my life right now revolves around mama guilt.

[sweetest]

I feel guilty for the financial situation my family is in because I have to take the Bar exam again and therefore do not have a job

I feel guilty that I wanted to go to law school in the first place

I feel guilty that some nights I want dd to fall asleep early so I can just rest

I feel guilty for every moment I am not studying while dd is at preschool, even though I feel my brain is about to explode

I feel guilty that dd knows how unhappy I am

I feel guilty that I cant just be happy

[mihrimah]

I feel guilty because I just let dd cry for 15 minutes.

I feel guilty when we leave her at grandma's 1x week, so we can have some alone time.

I feel guilty that my house is a mess.

I feel guilty that I am always too tired or need to work on something to have sex w/ dh.

I feel guilty for feeling like dd is a burden sometimes, that I could get stuff done if she wasn't here.

[badomama]

Ahh, just what I need...

I feel guilty for sitting here wasting my time.

I feel guilty for having a glass of wine (or two) nearly every evening since my son was born and have been breastfeeding. I've read everything there is to read on the subject and know that the jury is out, but why take chances? Why can't I just have a cup of tea? The truth is that I love my wine (more than my child?).

I feel guilty for thousands of things I've done in the past.

I feel guilty for being irritable with my son when he is sick.

I feel guilty for telling my husband that I'm lonely and sad when he has work to do and can't do anything about it anyway.

I feel guilty for knowing that I have rage and anger inside that I barely keep a lid on.

Ahhh. Thank you. Now I'll go do the dishes and change the laundry. But here is the question...how do we actually make ourselves feel better in a sustainable way?

[annakiss]

Originally Posted by badomama

Ahhh. Thank you. Now I'll go do the dishes and change the laundry. But here is the question...how do we actually make ourselves feel better in a sustainable way?

I don't really have an answer for that, but you can go check out my Affirm your mama self thread.

[Nora'sMama]

I feel guilty that I spend so much time on the computer...these days, even when she's awake. It's an addiction.

I feel guilty that she is only 8 months old and already I am developing lazy mama habits. I am not the ideal mama that I wanted to be, that I spent so much time preparing to be.

I feel guilty that our place is a mess, including her playroom, that I wanted to be a sanctuary. It is disorganized and messy and not even childproofed (she will be mobile soon).

I feel guilty that sometimes I kind of tune out at the end of the day or when I'm really stressed, or when I haven't been able to get her down for a nap. Anxious, frustrated thoughts go through my head. I am not as sensitive to her as I should be.

I feel guilty that I haven't done so many enriching things that I planned on doing - baby sign, taking her out into nature a lot, gymboree, at least a playdate. We spend a lot of time inside which is a travesty given that we live in a warm and sunny place.

I feel guilty that I lean on DH so much to help me with DD.

I feel guilty that I complain - ever. Any complaint is too much, because I have everything I need and the most beautiful gift in the world, sweet DD. But yet I complain! A lot.

I feel guilty that I don't take care of myself, that I don't set a good example for her. I ate McDonald's today right in front of her. I sit on my fat a$$ all day, sometimes.

I feel guilty that I use an angry, peevish voice with her father when I am annoyed with him, which is all too often, and all too often over stupid things.

I feel guilty that I swear around her. That I have yelled around her (but not at her).

I feel guilty for a lot of other things too but I think I've covered a lot of guilty bases.

*sigh, time to go check out that other thread*

[aprons_and_acorns]

I feel guilty for not offering my child a more nutritious diet.

I feel guilty for sacrificing our financial security so I can stay at home with my son.

[~Megan~]

I feel guilty for yelling.
I don't want to be a yelling mother. It serves nothing and does nothing but let out my anger. I want to move past the way I was raised but am not sure how. Most of the time I do okay but every few days I'll raise my voice with dd because I'm tired and in a hurry. And its my own fault for not allotting enough time.

[MamaStone]

I feel guilty for not being able to spend 100% of my day playing with and snuggling my son.

I feel guilty that I can't help myself from fighting with his father at least once a day, in front of him. It can get pretty heated, and I can't see this being a good way for him to grow up.

I feel guilty for getting angry with my son when he is just doing things to learn, and doesn't know any better.

I feel guilty that he wears disposable diapers at daycare.

I feel guilty that I just can not keep this house organized... it always looks like a mess no matter what.

I feel guilty that I don't contribute anything to our household income.

I feel guilty for not knowing what to do so much of the time.

[dachshundqueen]

Guilty Mama

I feel guilty in striving for perfection and for beating myself and my husband up when it is not achieved. But I should really work harder at knowing where my priorities are. Confession tomorrow anyways, joy!

I have to remember:
Do not strive for perfection, for you will not find it here.... and

Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life ?