so i attend an informal get-together of mamas and babes/toddlers/kids at a local kid-friendly eatery. it happens every week, but it is a drive for us so we only make it once every 2-4 weeks. it began as an offshoot of an attachment parenting group, so i thought i would find like-minded people that i would have something in common with.
this morning we went, arrived a little late, and i was so relieved to see that the one woman i really just cannot understand and don't really like was not there. she has a 5 year old boy and a 3ish month old boy, and she talks a lot and appears not to listen very well. she also doesn't pay very good attention to her 5 year old, who is very active and strong-willed and has hit my now 19.5 month old son at least a couple of times. when she is there, i consciously choose to sit at the opposite end of the table from them so as to minimize interaction between her son and mine.
and then she showed up with her kids. the chair across from us at the end of the table was open and she asked if she could sit there and i said yes, wanting to give her the benefit of the doubt and recognizing that perhaps in this smaller group setting i could talk to her more get to know her better. her son was playing with the chalk bucket and the chalk board and didn't want my son to even touch the chalk bucket and would only hand him pieces of chalk to draw on the big board with. my son tolerated this for a few pieces of chalk, but then didn't want anymore chalk and shook his head and held out his arm in his "stop" sign, the boy persisted, my son pushed his arm away vigorously (as vigorously as a 22lb 31 in tall toddler can, anyway) and the boy proceeded to take the piece of chalk and begin stabbing and punching at my son's face. i yelled the boy's name, picked up my son and walked to the opposite corner of the eatery and just stood there to calm myself down. the boy came over and proceeded to try to negotiate with me why he hit my son, that my son "started it." so i angrily told this boy that my son is little and that he is big and i left the boy sitting in the chair and walked away. my son was not crying, not upset, not hurt, more stunned by my reaction, probably. the mom had been talking with someone about 20 feet away from where this all happened and did not even notice. after a minute or so, i decided i couldn't stay there because i was too upset so i asked for a to-go box for the remainder of our food, walked over to our table, started packing our food, and another woman there asked me if i was okay and i said no, we're leaving. she asked what happened and i told her the older boy hit my son in the face after my son refused to take his chalk. she said she was sorry that it happened and something about "taking care of a situation" and then we left. i cried most of the drive home.
i don't believe i overreacted. i had to remove my son from a potentially injuring situation.
i have left a message for the mom who asked me what happened so i can talk to her more about it.
i really like most of the mamas that go to this group, and most of the other kids are smaller. in fact, our son is one of the older ones. i think i will just stop going to this group simply because of this boy and his mother. i know it's hard to have to watch your child all the time, but this is not the first time this boy has hit my son when his mother stepped away or was involved in conversation with someone else. and especially since this boy is by far the oldest of the group, i would expect a watchful eye from his mother since she knows he is very active and strong-willed.
mostly i'm just venting here, but i'm also curious what you would have done in a similar situation... i definitely don't know this mom well enough to feel comfortable saying something to her about her son's behavior, and she has openly admitted that her son hates going to these "baby" events where there are no other bigger kids to play with and the mamas talk to each other and he doesn't have someone's undivided attention.
please share, mamas, and send me peaceful vibes so i can calm myself down...
~claudia
this morning we went, arrived a little late, and i was so relieved to see that the one woman i really just cannot understand and don't really like was not there. she has a 5 year old boy and a 3ish month old boy, and she talks a lot and appears not to listen very well. she also doesn't pay very good attention to her 5 year old, who is very active and strong-willed and has hit my now 19.5 month old son at least a couple of times. when she is there, i consciously choose to sit at the opposite end of the table from them so as to minimize interaction between her son and mine.
and then she showed up with her kids. the chair across from us at the end of the table was open and she asked if she could sit there and i said yes, wanting to give her the benefit of the doubt and recognizing that perhaps in this smaller group setting i could talk to her more get to know her better. her son was playing with the chalk bucket and the chalk board and didn't want my son to even touch the chalk bucket and would only hand him pieces of chalk to draw on the big board with. my son tolerated this for a few pieces of chalk, but then didn't want anymore chalk and shook his head and held out his arm in his "stop" sign, the boy persisted, my son pushed his arm away vigorously (as vigorously as a 22lb 31 in tall toddler can, anyway) and the boy proceeded to take the piece of chalk and begin stabbing and punching at my son's face. i yelled the boy's name, picked up my son and walked to the opposite corner of the eatery and just stood there to calm myself down. the boy came over and proceeded to try to negotiate with me why he hit my son, that my son "started it." so i angrily told this boy that my son is little and that he is big and i left the boy sitting in the chair and walked away. my son was not crying, not upset, not hurt, more stunned by my reaction, probably. the mom had been talking with someone about 20 feet away from where this all happened and did not even notice. after a minute or so, i decided i couldn't stay there because i was too upset so i asked for a to-go box for the remainder of our food, walked over to our table, started packing our food, and another woman there asked me if i was okay and i said no, we're leaving. she asked what happened and i told her the older boy hit my son in the face after my son refused to take his chalk. she said she was sorry that it happened and something about "taking care of a situation" and then we left. i cried most of the drive home.
i don't believe i overreacted. i had to remove my son from a potentially injuring situation.
i have left a message for the mom who asked me what happened so i can talk to her more about it.
i really like most of the mamas that go to this group, and most of the other kids are smaller. in fact, our son is one of the older ones. i think i will just stop going to this group simply because of this boy and his mother. i know it's hard to have to watch your child all the time, but this is not the first time this boy has hit my son when his mother stepped away or was involved in conversation with someone else. and especially since this boy is by far the oldest of the group, i would expect a watchful eye from his mother since she knows he is very active and strong-willed.
mostly i'm just venting here, but i'm also curious what you would have done in a similar situation... i definitely don't know this mom well enough to feel comfortable saying something to her about her son's behavior, and she has openly admitted that her son hates going to these "baby" events where there are no other bigger kids to play with and the mamas talk to each other and he doesn't have someone's undivided attention.
please share, mamas, and send me peaceful vibes so i can calm myself down...
~claudia
).
