ds doesn't want to go to preschool anymore

[merrick]

I'm really at a loss here.

Ds recently started at a preschool for 3-5 year olds at the local university. He is three. He has been begging to go to "school" since he was two and was very excited. The very first day we went to check things out and I wasn't going to leave him. He played and played and seemed to be having a great time. The teacher suggested I leave him and see how he did. I didn't think he would go for it, but I asked ds if he wanted to stay and for me to come back and pick me up. He said yes and said bye with no problem so I left him for an hour or so. He was absolutely fine with no problems at all and was excited to go back. This was a Thursday.

We brought ds back on Friday. The teacher said he cried for a few minutes after I left, but was fine after that. Again, he was happy and seemed to have fun. He was still excited to go back. However, the school was not open the following Monday and he was sick on Tuesday so we kept him home. He went on Wed. and Thursday again with just a few tears and still had fun. He loved the songs and toys and getting to be with the other kids, as well as playing on the playground. Then all of a sudden on Friday he said he didn't want to go. He hadn't had a lot of sleep that night so I figured he was tired and let him stay home. That may have been my mistake.

Now this week he has absolutely refused to go and had huge tantrums about it. I took him yesterday anyway and told him that if he wasn't having fun after a while we would go home. We stayed about 30 minutes and he still wanted to go home. This was after he broke down crying and clinging to me at the door when he saw we were going into the school. So I took him home. THis morning he also refused to go and I just could not talk him into it. So we stayed home. I'm not sure what to do tomorrow. I told ds that we were going to go to the school so I could talk to his teacher. He still doesn't want to go, but I'm hoping I can get him there without too much of a struggle. The only way I can get him to go though is to tell him that he wont' have to stay.

I just don't know what is causing this change in attitude and what to really do about it. I may end up just having to withdraw him from the school. But I hate to do that and then have him change his mind. If he loses his spot now, he won't be able to get it back. The waiting list is 2 years long.There are only a couple of other preschools in the area and I don't really like any of them. I know how everything works in this school because I had to work there as part of a Child development class. It is a lot of fun for the kids and the teachers are great. It is a very small class with only about 18 kids and tons of student worker "playmates" under the supervision of a wonderful teacher and her assistant. I feel comfortable leaving ds there, which is saying a lot because he has never stayed with anyone except close relatives. I know he enjoyed it so much those first few days, I just don't understand. He is still not completely over his cold, but I don't think he's contagious. Maybe that is the issue?

I really feel like this school would be good for him. He never gets to play with children his own age, even though he loves it because we don't have family here and don't know a lot of people. He also loves to play outside and go to the park, but we don't always have time. At the school they go out every day weather allows. I forgot to mention this is a morning only program 8-12 five days a week. Also, I am having a another baby in May and this would give him something for just himself as a "big boy" and give me some time alone with the baby. I liked it because I could get my cleaning and things done while he was at school and then could really focus on just playing and taking care of ds when he got home.

Do any of you have any advice? If he was just crying a bit, i think I could handle it. but he is almost hysterical tantruming and I just don't think I can leave him like that. I'm not sure he would calm down from that, but then again maybe he would? And then be fine? My MIL and dh seem to think that I should just drop him off and that he'll calm down after I leave, but I'm not so sure. I'm not sure the teacher wants me to leave her with a hysterical child either! But then I don't want to take him out and then next week have him wanting to go back after they have given his spot away either.

[oceanbaby]

The first week that ds1 started preschool, he was totally fine with us leaving. The on day 3 or 4 we came back (early) to get him and he had just started crying hysterically. He didn't want me to leave for the next 6 weeks,and I spent every day (with a 2 months old) sitting in the room with him. We talked about it occasionally, and finally one day he said I could leave. There was never a problem after that. Now, there are still days he doesn't want to go (it's a 5 day a week program but we never go more than 3 days a week, often 2, and we show up around 10am, I pick him at 1pm). And like you I've often thought of pulling him, but then am afraid that he would want to go later.

I guess the point of my post is that if you really want him to stay, maybe you will just need to be there with him until he is ready for you to leave. And you can tell him that - that you will only leave when HE says he is ready.

[velochic]

Dd started preschool when she was 3.5. Those 6 months made a huge difference, IMO. If she had just turned 3, I think things would have gone differently. As it turns out, she loves preschool and it's a rare day that she doesn't want to go. It's 5 days a week, 8 - 3. But I'm a huge fan of really listening to your kids and respecting their NEEDS. Your ds may not be ready to separate from you yet. He may have some social issues at school that he isn't ready to handle (a bully, maybe). Preschool is a big step. I was really surprised when my dd loved full-time preschool so well. I did expect some tears and hesitation at separating, but it didn't happen. If she had, though, I would have followed her cues.

If you're will to pay the money to have your ds in preschool, perhaps you can talk to them and tell them that you are going to ease into this and you can't guarantee that your ds will be there every day. You lose the money, but still keep the space. In our case, dd's school is a language-immersion school and they are preparing the kids linguistically to have all instruction in elementary in the target language, so she actually has an attendance requirement. But most preschools have an open-door policy.

Good luck!!

[merrick]

Thanks. I actually have no problem staying there with him, in fact I actually enjoy it. I know and like the other children too. I just don't know how the teacher feels about it. I'm going to talk to her this morning and see what solution we can come up with. I just know she's going to think I'm one of the mothers that can't let go, but that's really the least of my worries. My concern is ds. His birthday was in September so he is almost 3.5.

The money is not a problem and as far as I know there is no attendance policy, although most of the kids go every day. Since it is university funded and is used as a lab for the child dev. class, it only costs $250 per semester.

[lauren]

I would agree with staying with him until he is ready. YOu may be amazed at how quickly he adjusts back to liking it when he knows you are available when needed for a time.