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Originally Posted by milkydoula
Thank you all for your replies and i see now that before i delve in to something so deep and time consuming as restoring, i should get him firmly in the anti-circ camp first. I am glad that i came here first before i shot my mouth off
 Any suggestions as to how to nudge him in the direction of anti-circ? He just doesn't view it as a big deal. He is really quite logical and sensible, he supports natural birthing, agreed to a homebirth and loves that i breastfeed. A pretty enlightened guy all around except about circ. Too deeply ingrained and close to home for him, i think. We don't talk about it much since it has been decided. How do i help him to see that it is a really big deal without making him feel inadequate? It is such a touchy subject and i want to "convert" him the right way. Thanks so much you guys and ladies! I love this community  |
Your dh may look at your ds and wonder what he missed out on. That may be a golden opportunity to bring up the subject of foreskin restoration at that point. You'll be turning the "look like Daddy" argument on its head--he can restore to look like his ds! In this way, some men become intactivists as they watch their children grow up.
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Originally Posted by Pandora114
You DO know what the video is right?
It's an infant getting circumcised, not a dis over his status, it's showing how barbaric the practice is. |
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Originally Posted by Pandora114
he doesn't see it as a big deal?
go to http://www.intact.ca Click on the video link Sit him down Put the headphones on him Turn the volume up and pick the longest video, the 13min one, to show the full procedure. Have a bucket near by in case he needs to vomit. Make sure he stays and watches the whole thing. |
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Originally Posted by Yoshua
If you bring this to him, and he actually understands what you are saying. The first thing he will feel is that he is not good enough in bed for you.
Not that I am knocking this. But restoration should be a very personal choice for a man, not something his wife says 'what do you think about this cosmetic procedure, there is nothing wrong with you, but take a look at it' that would be the same as a man saying 'Hey honey, look at this lipo procedure, hmmm maybe a face lift? oh, no dear, you are beautiful just the way you are, but take a look, i'll even pay for it'. |
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Originally Posted by sunflower_mommy
I haven't read all the way through the thread yet, but I don't think any of us are advocating/considering/supporting restoration as a primarily cosmetic procedure. Foreskin restoration has physical, protective and mechanical sexual benefits. A gliding foreskin means less friction, and keeping the moisture inside---where it's supposed to be---making sex more comfortable for both parthers. Regaining glans coverage also often allows men to shed the thicker, drier, keratinized layers of skin from the glans...increasing sensitivity.
Why should women suffer painful sex in silence? Why shouldn't she, gently, mention something she thinks might improve the experience for BOTH of them? Communication is the key to a satisfying sex life, after all... Just wanted to clarify that. Jen |
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Originally Posted by Yoshua
Yes, i just downloaded the video, and dear god do not show that to anyone who is will circ their child for the pure 'daddy' mentality.
That video sure as hell helped solidify MY MIND in not circing my son. However if I woulda watched that video 2 months ago I woulda just been grossed out and it would not have made a difference on my stance. Just being honest. |
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Originally Posted by sunflower_mommy
I wholeheartedly disagree.
Negative long-term effects and losses aside, it's a d*mn mean thing to do to a baby for such a superficial reason, and I think there are MANY men who would see such a video and conclude putting a child through such a think to have matching penises would be selfish and cruel. If it's too horrible/gross to watch, perhaps it's too horrible/gross to DO. JMO, Jen |
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Originally Posted by Yoshua
Read the rest of the thread. oh, and to someone who is not 'anti-circ' and finds nothing wrong with their own body, such as her husband. He will see it as purely cosmetic if he has no understanding that a forskin is more than a piece of skin.
You need to look at it from the persons point of view you are presenting an idea to. not from your own point of view. |
| If I was pro-circ and my spouse told me I was broken because I didnt have a forskin and that is the reason we are having a bad sex life? I would 1-not want to have sex with someone who saw me as a borken man, 2-probably start questioning why I am with someone who doesn't see me as a perfect mate. |
| You can't think of it as an intactivist if you are talking to someone who is not. |
| So to him it would pretty much be a 'cosmetic' surgery unless he started to believe a forskin was useful. And most circed men do not want to hear they are broken, which is the cause of most 'like daddy' mentalities. |
| You don't have to like it for it to be the truth, but it is the truth from his point of view, it is your job to ease him in to an idea, not just 'hey, your penis hurts me and i want you to go through 3 years of stretching your genetalia to make my genetalia feel better' |
| Yes He will get benefits from it too, in theory (i know alot of guys around here say how much better it is, but a circed guy will never know unless he completes the process). But unless he believes that himself he will not see you coming to him telling him he is broken as a good thing. fyi, from a circed mans perspective, who is now having issues with being circed in the first place when I thought there was nothing wrong with me until..... well as i said, read the thread. |
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Originally Posted by Yoshua
/confused
You disagree that when I say 2 months ago the video wouldnt have affected me and probably would have made me even more OK with being OK with circumsizing? I'm sorry, you disagree with what I would have done 2 months ago, but I would have done that before I knew the forskin was more than just a piece of skin. |
| 2 months ago I would have though 'it must not be that bad, coz if someone did that to me when I was an adult, I wouldn't have ever stopped crying' 2 months ago I was of a mind that it really didn't hurt the babies as much as it does because 1-they dont remember it, i know i didn't and 2-the dr's keep telling me that they cry for discomfort more than pain. |
| which is what that dr in the video was saying over and over again to a man who obviously thought a forskin was useless, and watched his son get mutilated on a table. watching what was going on did not make that man pull his own son off the table. 2 months ago, that would have helped me see that circ was ok. |
| Today I am more informed, and I see that video in another light. I am a man, giving you a man's perspective of what it is like to be pro-circ. It was alot fresher in my mind than in yours considering I didnt become anti-circ until less than a month ago. in fact the first week of january is when I first started really becoming anti-circ and that is because I started to realize what was taken from me, not because of what is happening to the children. Now because my thought process has moved forward, I am more anti-circ because of what they are doing to the children. |
| i gave point of views and opinions, it is ok for you to disagree with those. but telling me what I would have done 2 months ago when you are not in my shoes?.... sorry if this comes off rude, but people telling me that I wouldnt react the way I say I will seems..... not right to me. |
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Originally Posted by sunflower_mommy
That's why it needs to be shared gently, with tactful sharing of additional information if this is something totally new to him. Not in a pushy way, just in a loving, informative way encouraging him to look into it on his own.
Like, "Honey, I've been doing some reading and I came across a website about foreskin restoration. Our sex life is good, but I think this could make it even better. The men say it increases their sensitivity, and the intensity of their orgasms. From what I understand, it works by providing coverage for the glans, so the skin gets thinner and stays moist, like my inner labia. I bookmarked it, so if you want to take a look at it sometime." Nobody's suggesting that a wife should say, "Honey, that circumcision when you were a defenseless newborn sure screwed you up! Good news though, there's a way to fix it! Thank heavens too, because sex right now totally sucks..." My husband is not an intactivist, but he is considering foreskin restoration. I've brought it up gently in the past, and then left it alone...so he could digest what I'd shared and explore the topic at his own pace. Guess what? a few weeks ago, he brought it up himself over dinner. I'm in the middle of loosing a bunch of weight, not for him, but for us...to increase my confidence, happiness, etc...to improve our sex life by not being so self-conscious and increasing my own stamina, etc. And he said he'd been thinking about foreskin restoration, and was going to start when I got to my goal weight. At first he presented it like a reward, for me...but when I told him that I didn't want him to do something like that just for my sake...he made it clear that he wanted to do it for himself. Along with the gentle suggestion to look into it should also come some information about the functions of the foreskin and the reasons why many men and couples notice significant improvement. With all due respect, it's the truth from YOUR point of view. But your personal feelings/experience are not consistant with ours. Again, I don't think anyone has suggested a woman tactlessly and selfishly tell her husband, "hey, your penis hurts me and i want you to go through 3 years of stretching your genetalia to make my genetalia feel better". Did someone in this thread give you that impression? This must be a really difficult process for you. Personally, I think it's about planting the seed...continuing to love, nurture, and reassure him...and being patient. Jen |
Also, I agree with you that bringing up foreskin restoration with a man who's pro-circ. is counterproductive. In my own case, however, my dh is already anti-circ., so I don't have the same hurdles that the OP does. A man who's against circ. may be more interested in regaining some of the sensitivity that was lost after birth and is more open to hearing about what was lost to circumcision.
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Originally Posted by Frankly Speaking
..."Sex as Nature Intended it"...
Frank |
book?
