Vent!!

[skj474]

My 13 yo dd is USUALLY good, she is helpful, respectful and thoughtful. But today is different, I has some sinus/nasal surgery today and I asked her to do a few things for me, her reply was "after I go on the computer" Ok, that is not happening, she is NOT going on the computer for the rest of the week!! Along with no cell phone or regular phone. I called her dad, she is going to his house this weekend and informed him that I took her cell phone away, and if he wanted to talk to her between today and friday night he would have to call the house or my cell. Luckily he backs me on things like this

She was just so unhelpful to me today

[emmasmominar]

dont usually post in this forum, but wanted to say sorry. I hope your procedure went well. I am so glad he backs you up!

[MillingNome]

It looks like she picked the wrong time to test you. On the other hand, she could be just a little scared for you- ya never know. People under stress do not always act the way they normally do. I hope your surgery goes well and all things are mended

[Dar]

Wow. That sounds excessive to me. She didn't say no, she just wanted to do something else first. When I ask my daughter to things, it's understood that she can say now - that's why it's asking, not telling - and I'm generally happy to respect the plans she's already made for her time, unless these are things that really can't wait a few minutes. I like to check in on the computer when I get home, before getting started with other stuff, and it seems logical for a teen to want the same.

I think you overreacted, which would be totally understandable considering that you just had surgery... but you might want to rethink things now.

Dar

[Tinas3muskateers]

ICAM with the last post. My daughter is always saying "After I get offline" Why wouldnt you want her on the phone or computer? I am not getting what she did her. I would have said something along the lines of "I know you want to go online right now but tell ya what help me with this and you can stay on there for an hour." I think pointing out to her you dont mind her going online but need the help is much more effective.

[PajamaMama]

I didn't get enough info from the op to know if what she did was excessive or not. I do know that my own dd, usually a sweetie, can be a different person when it comes to being on the computer or watching tv. She thinks she has a right to play games online, but her dad and I view it as a privilege. I don't sit down to play games online until my chores have been done, in general, and I expect her to address her responsibilities before she plays too.

Usually this is a non-issue. But when she is feeling contrary, this is one thing that she will get started on and we will butt heads. I have rescinded online privileges in the past for a short period of time, and see nothing wrong with it.

s to the op. I know you came here to vent, and while constructive criticism is one thing, it sucks to be judged on your vent.

[philomom]

To the Op:

I never hesistate to curtail priviledges in order to bring my kids in-line. Don't let these folks weird you out. Family members can and should take care of the house and their mom when asked to.

Hope you feel better soon.

[skj474]

Ok, I really dont think I overreacted. I have been telling her I needed her to help me around the house after my surgery, she has know about it for a while. We dont hold grudges and she was ok with everything. She did actually get to use the computer but for homework only, and her friend came over to work on their history project together.

[mamawanabe]

Well, it is hard to tell from the post. I would be ok with taking away privledges for her refusing to help you, but that isn't what you say she did. She said, "Ok after I do X." If you replied "No, not after, I really need you to do it now" AND she said "no," then take away some privledges. But I hate the idea of kids being punished saying the wrong thing or for not reading our minds (did she knwo that it was important for you that she do it then and not in an hour?). Liek what if she thought it was just as good to do the dishes in an hour and she is being punished not for not helping, but for thinking there is no difference between clean diushes at 3 and clean dishes at 4. That thinking may be wrong, but I would have corrected the thinking "no, I need you to do it now" rather than punish the thinking.