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Trying to write, so sad  

post #1 of 25
1/25/06 at 9:46pm
Thread Starter 
Today is the one year anniversary of the beginning of my labor and I'm trying to write the birth story. I am so sad. The birth ended with my second unwanted, semi-forced surgical delivery.

I don't even know why I'm posting this, I just want someone to listen to me. I feel so, so, so bad and can't stop crying.

Please if you can think of something to help, I'd love to hear from you.

I'm sorry to bother you, I just want to let it out. Thank you.
post #2 of 25
1/25/06 at 9:54pm
Oh, Mama

I am sorry you are so upset. I had birth trauma from my first, and it took my third with a midwife before I could really move on.

I wont ramble, because there are so many better qualified members who could better help you work through your grief. I just didn't want to read and not post. I wish there was something I could do.
post #3 of 25
1/26/06 at 12:05am
I am so sorry you are hurting. I had a surgical delivery with my first and it did take some doing to heal and move on. I found myself feeling very sad around my dd's first birthday...I had just wanted something very different for myself and for her. Keep talking about your birth experiences...keep writing. Cry...get it out!

I also found for myself that recieving massage/body work on my abdomal area was very healing and made me feel 'whole' again. I also found that I needed to forgive my body and 'make up' because I did feel very failed by my body.

Im sure you and your baby and your body all did your very very best. Im sorry it didn't unfold the way you wanted. Be gentle with yourself...and happy first birthday to your little one!!
post #4 of 25
1/26/06 at 12:19am
A couple weeks ago my dh was playing the soundtrack to the movie Fightclub in his car. There is this 1 song where Brad Pitt sort of chants a whole bunch of lines about how "you are not your XYZ..."

You are not your BMW
You are not your mocha latte
You are not your job

Those aren't exact song quotes, but you get the picture. You are not defined by what you own or what you do.

You are NOT your surgical birth.

I'm sorry that this is causing you so much pain! We are listening if you want to write your story. From your siggy, it appears that you are AP/NFL in every other aspect. Celebrate that. Be gentle with yourself. I know it's hard to accept a birth that hasn't gone the way you wanted, especially when you were forced into it.

<<<hugs>>>
post #5 of 25
1/26/06 at 12:23am
I don't really have anything to say but I wanted to send you a and re-iterate what someone said before: you are not your c/s . . . it doesn't define you or make you less than.

Peace and blessings.
post #6 of 25
1/26/06 at 12:42am
I just wanted to send you a .

I'm sorry that you were unable to have the birth you wanted, and sorry that it is still having a negative impact on you.

Wishing you healing and peace.
post #7 of 25
1/26/06 at 12:55am
ohh mama what really helped me was to cry and to grieve and then to cry some more. is there a support group near you who could offer help? like a VBAC support group? the one i know of it didn't matter if you were planning a VBAC or not they were there to help you grieve your loss. do you have any friends you could share your pain with?

i'm so sorry mama.
post #8 of 25
1/26/06 at 11:03pm
I'm so sorry... I have had 2 unwanted c/s as well...

(((((((((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))))))))))
post #9 of 25
1/26/06 at 11:15pm
Hugs to you!

A traumatic birth takes a long time to recover from. Actually, I don't think I'll ever be completely healed emotionally. The thing which helped me most was his brother's peaceful birth 3 years afterwards.
post #10 of 25
1/27/06 at 3:37pm
I had as unnatural a birth as one could have topped off with a C-Section and my daughter ending up in the NICU for a few days. But if I had to give birth to DD through my nose I would have done it. I really wanted a natural, unmedicated birth too but in the end what matters most is that a healthy child is born. Emotionally, I felt fine after my c-section. I was a bit upset that I didn't get the experience I wanted but the circumstances of my labor were such I think a section was the right thing to do. But I guess everyone is different. You definitely have a right to feel bad about not having it go the way you wanted. Try to keep in mind the end result (a healthy baby) and don't get down on yourself about something out of your control. It just wasn't meant to be a vaginal delivery for you.

I hope you feel better soon.
post #11 of 25
1/27/06 at 9:47pm
I'm so sorry you're struggling. It's very common unfortunately. Sorry bookgoddess but a healthy baby is not the only goal of labour and birth. A healthy baby needs a healthy mother who is physically, emotionally and spiritually intact to care for him or her and obviously mackenziesmama was none of those after a forced surgical birth. Birth and the baby are very separate.

Mackenziesmama I wish you support and healing in your own way. You might find this helpful:
http://www.joyousbirth.info/articles...aticbirth.html
post #12 of 25
1/27/06 at 10:21pm
How about checking for an ICAN chapter near you?

post #13 of 25
1/28/06 at 5:31am
Quote:
Originally Posted by JanetF
I'm so sorry you're struggling. It's very common unfortunately. Sorry bookgoddess but a healthy baby is not the only goal of labour and birth. A healthy baby needs a healthy mother who is physically, emotionally and spiritually intact to care for him or her and obviously mackenziesmama was none of those after a forced surgical birth. Birth and the baby are very separate.
I didn't say a healthy baby doesn't need a healthy mother. I was merely pointing out it's normal to feel sad about not having the birth one expected but a healthy baby is the outcome that most women I know want from a birth be it a section or a vaginal delivery. I should add that even an unmedicated natural birth doesn't always turn out exactly as one imagines either. We can plan as much as we want for our labor and delivery but sometimes the circumstances turn on us and we don't get what we want. Not trying to start an argument but I wanted to clarify what I posted earlier.
post #14 of 25
1/28/06 at 11:12am
Nothing to add, but I wanted to send your way mackenziesmama.
post #15 of 25
1/28/06 at 1:58pm
I just didn't want to read without sending you a big . I'm sorry it was so traumatic for you.
post #16 of 25
1/28/06 at 8:03pm
Dearest,

My love goes out to you. May I suggest that you think of all the POSITIVE things you, as a conscience and loving mother, have been able to do FOR you baby?

Most babies do not have the benefits of co-sleeping, breastfeeding, being continually held in loving arms...how fortunate your children (present and future) are to have such a wonderful mom...

No matter how hard we try, how well we plan, how late we lie awake at night with the "what if's" we can't give our children everything we would like to. We give them what we can, and believe it or not, if it's the best we can do, it's usually enough.

Celebrate what you have been able to do for your children.

Love,

Lizajoy
post #17 of 25
1/29/06 at 2:01am
Hugs to you - I know in the past it has really helped me to work through my grief if I can take the time to write out what I am feeling. Is this something that you have tried? I have not had a similar experience, but a close friend of mine did and I know that three years after the birth of her first child she is trying to work through some of the issues she has had since then so she will be able to work through the birth of her second child and be more "available" to this new baby. . . again, hugs to you.
-Susannah
post #18 of 25
1/29/06 at 2:06am
Quote:
Originally Posted by mackenziesmama
Today is the one year anniversary of the beginning of my labor and I'm trying to write the birth story. I am so sad. The birth ended with my second unwanted, semi-forced surgical delivery.

I don't even know why I'm posting this, I just want someone to listen to me. I feel so, so, so bad and can't stop crying.

Please if you can think of something to help, I'd love to hear from you.

I'm sorry to bother you, I just want to let it out. Thank you.
I just wanted to send your way and hope you heal in whatever way you need to.
post #19 of 25
1/30/06 at 10:07am
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lizajoy
Most babies do not have the benefits of co-sleeping, breastfeeding, being continually held in loving arms...how fortunate your children (present and future) are to have such a wonderful mom...
So true! Your children are so lucky. I admire you so much for educating yourself and wanting to do what's best for your babies, and I'm so sorry things didn't go according to plan. I hope you feel better.
post #20 of 25
1/30/06 at 2:30pm
Mama-

You certainly have a right to grieve your birth experience... (((((((((((((many hugs)))))))))))))))) to you.
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