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Remind me again why I hate Dr. Dobson? - Page 2

post #21 of 166
I have been familiar with Dobson for over 10 years. Granted, I have neither read every word he has written nor have I heard every word he has said, but certainly he has never said that "beating" children is acceptable. That is ridiculous. If he has said this, please post a link or give a quote. Because if he has, I will write to Dobson/Focus on the Family.

Also, I don't think I quite understand this:

Fundamentalist teachings that are in conflict with AP/NFL go against basic Christianity like the Golden Rule.


Could you please explain more? Thanks.
post #22 of 166
Quote:
Originally Posted by Wausau74
I have been familiar with Dobson for over 10 years. Granted, I have neither read every word he has written nor have I heard every word he has said, but certainly he has never said that "beating" children is acceptable. That is ridiculous. If he has said this, please post a link or give a quote. Because if he has, I will write to Dobson/Focus on the Family.

Also, I don't think I quite understand this:

Fundamentalist teachings that are in conflict with AP/NFL go against basic Christianity like the Golden Rule.


Could you please explain more? Thanks.
What is it about Dobson that you like? Just to clarify.
post #23 of 166
Thanks DB. Some thing sI think should be obvious really aren't to some people.
post #24 of 166
And FYI, here's what Jimmy has to say to a mom who says spanking "doesn't work":
Quote:
The spanking may be too gentle. If it doesn’t hurt, the child won’t be motivated to avoid the consequence the next time. “Be sure the child gets the message,” Dr. Dobson says, “while being careful not to go too far.”
And homophobia isn't compatible with AP/NFL either.
post #25 of 166
Also:

Quote:
"It is not necessary to beat the child into submission; a little bit of pain goes a long way for a young child. However, the spanking should be of sufficient magnitude to cause the child to cry genuinely." (Dare to Discipline, p.7.)
post #26 of 166
yeah that to everything cielle said.

spanking=hitting=beating. he may not use the word beating but it's still beating.
post #27 of 166
"Pain is a marvelous purifier," according to Dobson.

He says, "If corporal punishment is banned, it will be a sad day for families, and especially for children!"

review of The New Strong Willed Child:

Quote:
Reading this book is like reliving your worst nightmare. The author seems obsessed with what he perceives as "defiant" children who must be beaten into submission with objects, like he beats his own pet dachshund on page 3. All the slapping, spanking and whipping in this book is extremely disturbing. According to Dobson, parents must "win" battles with "anarchists" and "confirmed revolutionaries".

...You don't beat people you love, and you don't call them crude and insulting names like "groaning lump," "gangly legs," "little fat-fingers," "all nose and ears," "cantankerou,s" "Hurricane Hannah," and "insane". Even compliant children are insulted in this book, called "Goody Two-Shoes" and "prissy". Crazy and dangerous ideas abound, such as saying babies are "defiant upon exit from the womb" and crying babies can be ignored. And that most children are "strong-willed" and "defiant" and "desperately need" to be beaten.
http://www.nospank.net/dobson2.htm
post #28 of 166
Quote:
Originally Posted by delicious
yeah that to everything cielle said.

spanking=hitting=beating. he may not use the word beating but it's still beating.
Yep. There is nothing remotely compatible between AP/ NFL and child hating, er, excure me, "beating".


It's disgusting, IMMORAL and ABUSIVE.
post #29 of 166
edited for bad choice of snark.
post #30 of 166
Because he is icky. Sorry I know that isn't helpful. He advocates hurting children.
post #31 of 166
This man's "theories" damage children. My step mother used it on my youngest sister and when she found the book at 10 she shredded it and burned it. When she told her mother at 18 she said.

"I hated that book. You hit me with a spoon because that book said it was ok. I burned it. "

My step mother got all affronted. "I can't BELIEVE you did that to MY book."

To which my sister replied..

"What are you going to do? Spank me?" Raised her eyebrow and walked out of the room.
post #32 of 166
Quote:
spanking=hitting=beating. he may not use the word beating but it's still beating.
I wonder, for those who don't like it when people use the words spanking and beating interchangeably, what would they call a man who forcibly put his wife over his legs and slapped his hand (or a "neutral object", as Dobson prefers) on her buttocks hard enough that it made her cry? Would they say that the phrase "wife-beater" would not be appropriate there?

Quote:
Originally Posted by DaryLLL
"Pain is a marvelous purifier," according to Dobson.
Funny, I don't remember Jesus being a sadist...

Quote:
He says, "If corporal punishment is banned, it will be a sad day for families, and especially for children!"
Oh yes, my family and children are SO sad because they don't get beat. We are all distraught, actually. Tears running down our cheeks with the terrible sadness of it.

post #33 of 166
Please remember that MDC is not a place to advocate the phyical abuse/spanking/beating/etc of children. Any posts of this nature are inappropriately posted here.

Also:

Quote:
The MDC User Agreement still applies and members posting here will be expected to uphold their discussion with the utmost respect and consideration for participants and readers. Personal attacks will not be tolerated nor comments that are negative of an individual or group. If you feel someone has broken any rules, please contact a moderator immediately rather than replying to the thread in question. Please refrain from sarcasm and insulting or denigrating remarks that might negate the purpose of this forum. Those who cannot abide by these guidelines will not be permitted to post here.
post #34 of 166
Quote:
If he has said this, please post a link or give a quote. Because if he has, I will write to Dobson/Focus on the Family.
taken from dare to discipline:

p.28 Dobson describes a mother shaking her 3 year old for spitting. The child spat again. This was “embarrassing” to the mother; she was “too weak or tired or busy to win.” Shaking can cause brain damage and death, but Dobson doesn’t comment on this.

p.36 Dobson recommends painful squeezing of the trapezius muscle on the neck to obtain “instant obedience.”

p.35 Dobson says “spanking should be of sufficient magnitude to cause genuine tears.”

p.57 Dobson says “sick and deformed” children can be hit too.

On p.65 Dobson recommends starting whipping at age 15-18 months, and “there is no magical time at the end of childhood when spanking becomes ineffective.”

74. Dobson recommends a child should respond to a hitting playmate by hitting back.

97. Food is a toddler’s “ideal power game.”

98. If a child refuses the food served, Dobson says to keep serving the same meal over and over until the child finally eats it, “even if twelve hours or more goes by.”

115. Don’t pick up crying infants right away, to minimize “reinforcement of their tears.”
post #35 of 166
Quote:
Originally Posted by sophiesue2
taken from dare to discipline:

p.28 Dobson describes a mother shaking her 3 year old for spitting. The child spat again. This was “embarrassing” to the mother; she was “too weak or tired or busy to win.” Shaking can cause brain damage and death, but Dobson doesn’t comment on this.

p.36 Dobson recommends painful squeezing of the trapezius muscle on the neck to obtain “instant obedience.”

p.35 Dobson says “spanking should be of sufficient magnitude to cause genuine tears.”

p.57 Dobson says “sick and deformed” children can be hit too.

On p.65 Dobson recommends starting whipping at age 15-18 months, and “there is no magical time at the end of childhood when spanking becomes ineffective.”

74. Dobson recommends a child should respond to a hitting playmate by hitting back.

97. Food is a toddler’s “ideal power game.”

98. If a child refuses the food served, Dobson says to keep serving the same meal over and over until the child finally eats it, “even if twelve hours or more goes by.”

115. Don’t pick up crying infants right away, to minimize “reinforcement of their tears.”
I will say again...vile vile vile.
post #36 of 166
I think one can embrace some of Dobson's material and not other parts like the child rearing material. Doesn't he also put out material on Family and Marriage, Vegetale video's, kids and teens magazines, etc.

I can totally see how a parent can be AP, natural living, and still agree with some of Dobson's stuff. Just not his child rearing philosophies.

I loved his book "Love for a LifeTime" (given to us on our 10th wedding anniversary) on marriage.


Also I know some of his books have been revised. Like the Dare to Discipline or was it Hide and Seek came out in the 70's is not the same revised version today. Of course I've never read it, but its what I've heard.

What version (year) are these quotes taken from? Just curious.
post #37 of 166
Personally, I can not take any advice from someone who advocates something that I am so vehemently against. If he has such little respect for children, how can he have repsect for marriage. Not to mention, theabove quote about spanking one's wife over your knee. :

Plus, everything else I've read by him, I seriously disagree with- marriage stuff, raising boys stuff, etc etc.
post #38 of 166
Quote:
Not to mention, theabove quote about spanking one's wife over your knee.

Oh my, I'm sure that quote was taken out of context.

I've read several books he has written on marriage (What wives wish their husband knew about them) and ( what husbands wish their wives about them) and he has never advocated spanking your wife. Perhaps in jest he made a joke or something. He does advocate mutual compatibility, but takes the biblical stand that men should be the head of the home.

I read his books more on idea's of keeping romance and love alive. His suggestions on keeping a long-term marriage upbeat and healthy and mutually satisfying. People give me those books and I do read them.

Sure don't wish to debate it though
post #39 of 166
You know what I hate about Dobson, more than anything else? There is no grace. It's all about the law, and there's no grace there at all. You cannot beat, punish, or discipline the sin out of your child (if you believe children are sinful). You can't love the sin out of them, either. You can accept them as they are and be a shining example of grace and love to them, and hope and pray that they see Christ in you. Christ did not come to earth and put the smack down on anyone to try to force them into accepting him. He loved and served, and let people make up their minds to follow or not. He was not heavy-handed, or manipulative. He may have spoken strongly, but he didn't force people to follow his commands. I don't understand why Christian parents, who are supposed to be emulating Christ, take such a heavy-handed approach with their own children.

Love does not keep an account of wrongs. Dobson does.

To the OP, is this a parenting course your church is offering? Dr. Sears has a Christian parenting course, and Ross Campbell (How to Really Love Your Child) or The Five Love Languages of Children (Smalley and some other dude) might be good non-violent book studies.
post #40 of 166
Quote:
Originally Posted by fourlittlebirds
what would they call a man who forcibly put his wife over his legs and slapped his hand (or a "neutral object", as Dobson prefers) on her buttocks hard enough that it made her cry?
Ooh, kinky. But sex talk isn't allowed here either, more's the pity.
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