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is dd (11) too young for chores?? - Page 3

post #41 of 124
ITA 11 is almost to old to just start doing chores. You're going to have to do a lot more hand-holding than you would have had to do at an earlier age. When my baby was 19 months, he did tiny chores: he gets a towel and wipes up spills for instance. Around here, everyone is expected to do what is reasonable for their age and ability. We constantly reevaluate what that is exactly.
post #42 of 124
I never had any set chores growing up and I didn't have an allowance either. My dd is 10 and ds 7, and to be honest, I'm having a hard time coming up with chores for them to do! Unloading the dishwasher is out as our cupboards are too high for them to reach. It would be, get a plate, push chair to cupboard, climb on chair, put plate away, get down, push chair out of the way, get a plate..etc..

Taking out trash and recyclables to curb is too much for me some weeks. Those bins are heavy! I do the vaccuuming and floor cleaning when they're at school. I don't push them to really pick up their rooms either--it's their room, their stuff. Neither are money motivated--there's nothing they want. DD has some developmental issues, so I don't feel comfortable giving her unsupervised freedom to cook supper or clean the bathroom.

Huh..come to think of it, I guess it boils down to I really don't care that much one way or another.
post #43 of 124
Wow--when I first read the title I thought it said 11 *months* and I thought, "well, if the babe can toddle over to the laundry hamper with a dirty shirt, i suppose..." :LOL

I was an only child, and my mom never had me lift a finger, thinking it was quicker to just do stuff herself. But then when I was a teenager, she didn't understand why I wouldn't help out, now that I was "old enough to be efficient". Well, simple. I never had a habit formed of trying to help.

At this late stage in the game, maybe it would be better to do chores together--like, instead of "you have to go to X now", it could be "please come and help me do X now." Don't tack "okay?" onto the end or make it sound like a question. Even if she just sits with you and watches how it's done, it's a start.

Also, maybe try not to sound as if the chores are drudgery. The fact is, we all need to understand that some things simply have to happen to run a household and take care of a family. And it shouldn't be "oh I HATE doing dishes and laundry!", it should be more like "well, if we want clean clothes to wear and don't want to litter the Earth with paper plates, we ought to take care of the dishes and laundry!"

We always have a choice, and I try to make it clear to my kids that...it's a more sensible choice to sweep the floors than to have ants constantly living with us, for example!

Good luck with this; hope my ramble was helpful somehow
post #44 of 124
A HA!
I just remembered, at 11 my DD responded well to the choices game.
We would pick a time where we had to do chores. And she woudl come to me and I would give her two options, and she woudl choose between them and complete one of them
Then she would come back to me and I woudl give her two more choices.
"Clean your bathroom counter and sink, or wash the back door window"
"put your laundry in the hamper or wipe down the front door"
This doesnt work well anymore, as she has really matured in her resistance.
But a couple of years ago it worked like a charm.
post #45 of 124
I'm another person who ran the household by age 11! LOL.

My oldest kid is 9.5 yo. and he does chores very willingly. He maybe a little weird though. He's really into the whole concept of homemaking. Is interested and involved in decorating and organizing, etc. Though maybe its more than just temperment because my 5 yo. really likes to have responsibilities and be involved in cleaning as well.

I don't have a posted chore list for them, though the oldest takes care of his own laundry. I've given him Saturday mornings to use the laundry room and I stay out of it. He also makes his own breakfast and packs his own lunches most of the time. Once a week or so he also makes a simple dinner for himself and his brother.

It works best for us to make choices on a daily basis. If Ds doesn't feel like doing dishes on a given day, I may ask him to sort some laundry instead and I will do the dishes. I'm always open to trading tasks! If they ever started slacking or fighting me on a consistant basis, I might well just resort to posting a schedule. But I would ask the kids to have input on what chores they were assigned. They will do a better job if they chose the task, kwim?
post #46 of 124
Quote:
Originally Posted by heartmama
It was important to me that ds do chores willingly, because he really truly understood the meaning of chores, the distribution of fair living, and the spirit of community.

The way we did this was to sit down and put the chores in a larger context. We talked about the fact that anywhere he is ever going to live, he will create work just by living in a space, and if he did not help do that work, others would have to do it.
I am with you heartmama. I would have a family meeting. Everyone sits down together to discuss how things could get done around the house. Ask her what she would be willing to help with. Talk about what you're going to do differently. Keep in mind that it can be difficult to pick up new routines and change habits. It usually takes about a month of being very consistant with a new behavior before it becomes routine.
post #47 of 124
Quote:
Originally Posted by Nankay
I never had any set chores growing up and I didn't have an allowance either. My dd is 10 and ds 7, and to be honest, I'm having a hard time coming up with chores for them to do! Unloading the dishwasher is out as our cupboards are too high for them to reach. It would be, get a plate, push chair to cupboard, climb on chair, put plate away, get down, push chair out of the way, get a plate..etc..

Taking out trash and recyclables to curb is too much for me some weeks. Those bins are heavy! I do the vaccuuming and floor cleaning when they're at school. I don't push them to really pick up their rooms either--it's their room, their stuff. Neither are money motivated--there's nothing they want. DD has some developmental issues, so I don't feel comfortable giving her unsupervised freedom to cook supper or clean the bathroom.

Huh..come to think of it, I guess it boils down to I really don't care that much one way or another.

They can sweep a floor, set the table, clear the table and use a swiffer or other light floor mop. They are also old enough to do light vacuming and pick up their rooms. They can also put dirty clothes in the laundry bin and put their folded clothes away. My 6 yr old mildly Autistic son can do these things. In our house, I feel it is important, especially for him, to be taught to keep a house and take care of their things. I am not a cleaning nut, or obsessive about it, but I want to raise my boys to be independent and teach them how to keep a house. I feel that boys especially, are sometimes looked over because their mothers (some, not all) feel it will be the son's WIFE's job to keep the house. I know my MIL feels this way.

I also want my future DILs to love me. LOL

I am not saying make your children your slaves. But, even if it is their room, teaching them to keep things tidy, (no obsession of course) is a part of being responsible and grown up.
post #48 of 124
See I don't think chores teach anything. My mom pounded me (figuratively) to keep my room clean..tried everything..nothing worked..clear through college, I was a slob. My brother's room was always neat as a pin. Today, it's MY house and I keep waaayyyy cleaner than anyone could have imagined it would be seeing what I was like as a kid. No, Mom didn't teach me to cook or do laundry, but I learned real quick when I was on my own and HAD to do it. Same with any other household chore. I found out what was important to me and learned to do it well to my standards. As for putting away their laundry..yeah, my kids do that, I never really thought of it as a chore before now. Huh..funny.
post #49 of 124
While chores might not be necessary to know how to take care of yourself when you are older. YOu can learn that on your own when you want to.
I strongly believe that chores DO teach personal responsibility and cooperation within a group. I am a mom, not a maid. My kids need to learn to clean up after themselves and help keep their home nice because they live in it. They need to learn that it is not my purpose in life to make everythign uber-easy for them and do everything for them. That said, their rooms are their business (for the most part)
post #50 of 124
Quote:
Originally Posted by Nankay
My dd is 10 and ds 7, and to be honest, I'm having a hard time coming up with chores for them to do! Unloading the dishwasher is out as our cupboards are too high for them to reach. It would be, get a plate, push chair to cupboard, climb on chair, put plate away, get down, push chair out of the way, get a plate..etc..
My 9 year old can do all of her own laundry. The other two are expcted to put thiers away. How they organize thier drawers is thier business so long as they open and close easily.

my baby sorts socks, wash cloths and silverware. I have to help her but whatever. she is doing her share.

my kids like to sweep. it often has to be redone.

10 and 7 are old enough to cook with help. also rinse dishes and load the dishwasher. again they may need some guidence until they get it.

washing and setting the table. washing countertops. washing windows and dusting are al great activities at this age. We own a business and my kids are expected to help clean there. (it will one day be thiers) thier jobs are dusting, straightening shelves and cleaning glass. They love it.

there is plenty of stuff a 10 and 7 year old can do but it wil involve you as much as them.

I htink chores are important bcause it gives them ownership of the home and builds an attitude of cooperation.
post #51 of 124
My dd shoulders a lot of personal responsibility while she is at school from 8 to 3. She also takes dance and belongs to an extra-curricular school acting/peformance group and is totally responsible for learning routines/lines/music. She only has so much time to be a kid and her whole adult life to be shouldered with nothing BUT responsibility. After 7 hours at school, kicking back with a good book, a video or computer game is all right with me.
post #52 of 124

Chores

are a part of living this house. recently my 12 yr old niece came to live w. us she tried the whining and fit pitching, you need to stand your ground. DD these are your chores, chores are a part of living in this house, they are a responsibility like taking a shower and doing your homework.

at 11 she should be able to do laundry, dishes, clean, vaccumn, trash etc.. of course not all these at once however i feel it is our family responsibilty to teach children how to be self sufficient and self supporting.

if my 12 yr old does not do her chores she gets no TV/internet/phone social time until its done. chores first then play.

it will be a battle for a week or 2 just like any change in rules that pre-teens teens dont like, however you MUST stand firm and not let her rule the roost, so to speak,

refusing to do chores today, refusing to listen to curfew, refusing to comply with education standards... whats next... YOU are the parent, NO DISCUSSION
post #53 of 124
Oy.
post #54 of 124
Quote:
Originally Posted by Nankay
Oy.
:
post #55 of 124
My sister and I had lots of chores- our parents weren't mean, just busy and thought that it was part of our responsibility as people sharing a house to do some of the work. They also wanted us to be functioning adults and know how the world works. I am really glad that we had to do chores- I think it made me into a more responsible adult. On the other hand, my college roommate's mom never let her do anything and she was TOTALLY lost at college. Small, menial tasks really were taxing for her and her time management skills were, um, off (she remains a very close friend and has recovered from all of this). Her parents did her NO favors by doing everything for her.
post #56 of 124
Quote:
Small, menial tasks really were taxing for her and her time management skills were, um, off (she remains a very close friend and has recovered from all of this). Her parents did her NO favors by doing everything for her.
I have to agree.

I spent 5 odd years managing young women employees in a retail setting. Many of them still lived at home or had moved out recently. I have to say that the best employees were those that had been taught to take responsibilty for chores and tasks at home when they were kids. The ones who were never expected to pitch in at home were really slow, unreliable, and intolerant of the simplest tasks in the store.
post #57 of 124
intresting mamaduck . . . .
post #58 of 124
Ok, I admitted it before..I rarely had set chores to do and my kids don't have any regular chores--they put their laundry in the hamper, put away clean folded clothes..

I still can't figure out how to squeeze in daily chores. Unloading the dishwasher is out, loading the dishwasher after supper would use up what little time they have before bed with their dad., vaccuuming, huh, I don't think the 7 yr old could do it and my 10 yr old freaks at the noise. Lawn mowing? nooooo, sweeping the floor ..MAYBE, but I grab a broom and do it when needed. Should I leave crumbs on the floor all day just to ait for dd to get home from school to sweep them up? I know I sound like I'm making excuses, but chores just aren't that important to us .
post #59 of 124
Nankay -- I don't think anyone is telling you to make a change. If you all are happy with the system, then don't worry about it! The OP seemed to want a change though, and we were validating her reasons for doing that.

My kids do a lot of housework, and we don't have set chores either. I just watch for oppurtunities to delegate chores, rather than taking everything on myself. Like, "Hey, since you are ready for school early, can you unload the dishwasher?" Or "Would you might sorting the laundry?" And I give my little guy the vacuum hose now and then to suck up crumbs after a meal. Or the little sweeper. Its just as time allows, you know?

I also keep a list on the fridge of the things that need to be done on a daily basis, weekly basis, and then 1x or 2x a month. If they are inclined to pick something appropriate -- the options are there. And they DO. Especially if I am gone for the day at school or work or whatever.

No -- I won't let them mow the lawn either. But the haul the empty trash cans back from the curb after the trashmen come. And they help with a big garden every summer.
post #60 of 124
nankay, I actually agree with your statement about letting kids be kids and not loading on too many chores, especially during the school week. The "daily" things my dss does (like taking out the trash) really only happen every other day and only takes a couple of minutes. He also makes his lunch in the mornings, as well as prepares a daily dietary supplement (medically necessary). The bigger stuff like helping dad with yardwork, cleaning his room, helping clean the bathroom, etc all happen on the weekend.

Aside from mom doing everything and kids doing nothing, I think each family needs to decide what works for them. It sounds like your children are learning responsibility in other ways aside from chores (after school activities, school itself) and if you are not overwhelmed with keeping the household running, then don't go changin' for us! I will admit much of the help I get from my dss is just that - HELP - and I need it. I just can't keep up with every little thing around here and he is certainly old enough (13) to pitch in. Also, my dss has some special needs (developmental delays and some cognitive limitations) and if we don't explicitly teach him how to do some of these things (cleaning a bathroom sink or doing laundry) he will likely NOT just pick it up by observing. He needs more direct instruciton than that, so we give it to him and then set a reasonable expectation. We find it really helps him in feeling independent and self-sufficient and builds his self-esteem. Sure, he would rather we just do it all for him (what 13 yr old wouldn't? ), but we see that he is becoming more confident in his abilities and he has started to ask to learn how to do things like cook and fix things around the house. So we are staying on this track. But like I said, if you are comfortable with your track, then stay on it. I think as long as there are expectations of children to fulfull responsibilites, whatever those responsibilities are, then they are being well served.
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