daytime empty nest

[LdyBluNH@aol]

i'd love to hear from other parents that, due to public school, are now daytime empty nesters

its been a horribly difficult process for me and i'm still not really adjusted to it

[jannjoe]

Originally Posted by LdyBluNH@aol

i'd love to hear from other parents that, due to public school, are now daytime empty nesters

its been a horribly difficult process for me and i'm still not really adjusted to it

tis one of the main reason I homeschool, life is to short, and they are only little so long.

(ducks out of here now.....)

[LdyBluNH@aol]

i actually want to be a homeschooler -- but i cant deny the fact that my only child has been happier than a clam at high tide in a room full of kids and never-ending stimulation.

[jannjoe]

Originally Posted by LdyBluNH@aol

i actually want to be a homeschooler -- but i cant deny the fact that my only child has been happier than a clam at high tide in a room full of kids and never-ending stimulation.

My oldest is 20 now...she went to school. I knew little about homeschooling then, and became a class room helper. The school loved having me there, I'd help out anywhere just to get the odd look see at my girl. When she was in grade 3 we move to a new town..new school, and I was told shortly after moving here that my daughter was fine and I need not come in so often. Well DUH!!!! I knew that. I was there for me, not her. She was doing great.
When she was 14 I had another then two years later one more. These are the ones I homeschool. Sending kids to school seems so unnatural to me.

Try seeing about helping out in the school. Being closer to her will help you.

[Eman'smom]

If your daughter is doing well and loving it, how about finding something you love to do and doing it during school time? Knitting, reading, going back to school, home remodeling......

[LdyBluNH@aol]

seems like i keep feeling defined by how many dirty dishes were washed and how many loads of laundry were done (which isn't the least bit satisfying) and i still miss my daughter. it's pretty difficult to be an involved parent when you dont know about 95% of your childs life.

[oliversmum2000]

i SO understand i ahve been struggling, so much so we have seriously considered hs, but ds 1 says he loves school, it settling really well and has had a real spark for learning to read and write created in him, he is constantly spelling out words trying to make up new ones, readin road signs etc.

i am prettu busy with ds and dd but its still hard, i just plan the things i would like to do with him a little more carefully and make sure that we do them after school / week ends / holidays and make the most of our time together and turn off the tv, ds 2 and i do lots of jobs in the day (he loves jobs) so after school i try to bake, do art, play board games, and ds 1 loves the extra attention.

i do miss him but we are trying to find new ways of making our life together special and of enjoying each others company.

[michelle1k]

There is a wonderful book called "Mitten strings for God" - not about God actually - it is one mother's ruminations on how to keep her two boys close to her while having them at school and how she created warm family rituals and memories. This is what I would do if I had my kids in school. Lovely, lovely book.

Warmly,
Michelle in NY

[lauren]

Respectfully I want to say that members on the Learning at School forum have been offended in the past by those who come here to say "this is why I homeschool." Please bear this in mind when you comment on this forum. And she has made the choice to use schooling out of the home right now and wanting support for the adjustment. I'm sure that the OP knows that the Learning at HOme forum is right next door!

[2GR8KIDS]

First of all, I think you should be really proud of yourself for separating your daughter's needs from your own. It sounds like she is happy in school. Now, you need to try to get to a place where you can be happy too.

I agree with PPs' suggestions to get involved at your daughter's school. This will help you feel more "included" in her daily life. If you are lucky, you will also find a community for yourself. I have met many wonderful families by working at reading groups and parties in my son's class, serving hot lunch at his school, and working on other school events. I feel like I "know" the school and the people who work there, and I have made friends for myself.

Do you have a personal goal that you have put aside while your daughter was younger? Could you work on that goal -- whether it's getting in shape, writing a novel, volunteering for an organization you care about, whatever -- now that you have more time?

Also, I agree with PPs about needing to plan your time with dd carefully, now that there is less of it. Try to get all the household chores done while she is in school, so that after school you can focus on her. Plan ahead to do something special together during school holidays and breaks, or at least not fritter away that time doing mundane daily chores (I tend to do this and then regret the time lost!) That "time off" is really precious now.

I am not in your situation yet as my youngest is still at home. But I empathize with you- it has been an adjustment to have my son gone so much now that he is in first grade. But I see plenty of "child-focused" women who are able to remain satisfied even as their children spend more time away from home.

Good luck to you, and I hope your daughter continues to enjoy school.

[LdyBluNH@aol]

i guess part of what's coming into play for me these days is how much i do alone. i sit and do recipe searches alone, make the grocery list alone, haul the groceries alone, wash & dry ALL the laundry alone so its kind of a dual feeling of being alone and feeling like unpaid wench. three of us eat the food and yet...

used to be my dd went to quilt shops with me, now whenever i ask she doesnt want to. i dont know if she's too tired from school or its more the fact that she likes the stores for chatting with people and now she's doing it at school. i know the quilt shop is a place more for me (although dd does pick out fabrics for herself too) but i dont really want yet another place i go alone. before school we shared it and enjoyed it and now she says "cant you go while i'm in school"

i guess this adjustment has two issues going on my own "what do i want to do" kind of thing and trying to find a way to still connect with dd beyond nagging over the work that has to be done.

given how little traffic has come through here, i guess other moms all found their projects and are off being busy!! LOLLLL or maybe i'm too much of a freak for being a "mothering mom" who isn't homeschooling ; )


i've been working at the school. it is frustrating that there's no parent community through the school really. there's not even a classroom newsletter ot know what stuff is coming up - a bit frustrating (and yes they had a free volunteer to type it up)


something that came to me in the shower is the fact that yes there are "someday" things i'd like to do but i still have family obligations. just because dd is at school, it hasnt changed my obligations and in fact has added to them a whole lot. if i were to get a job i'm tied into a schedule i have no control over (the school's); things like going to college would take cash away that the family needs. so i don't really feel that i can work on many of the thigns on my list yet.

[3boysmom]

I would suggest that you go to PTA meetings. That is a great way to get involved, find out what's happening at school, offer suggestions (and help to get new programs, newsletters, etc started) and meet lots of fellow parents. I'm involved in lots of PTA projects that have me in the school a lot. My kids love to see me at school, even if it's just passing me in the hall (and blowing a kiss) while we both go about our business. Usually schools need volunteer help at lunch and recess - those are fun jobs!

[LdyBluNH@aol]

i am helping the teacher in school; i'm signed up for stuff w/pta and they havent needed me as yet

[wildmonkeys]

I very much consider myself a "mothering" mom who isn't homeschooling. I hadn't responded yet because my younger son is still ft home so I am not quite in that place yet and wasn't sure if my post would be that helpful. However, my older son is in kindergarten and I very much miss him and already anticipate that I will feel that way when all my guys are off doing their own things.

I still weigh homeschooling as an option if it seems that the school isn't meeting his needs or working for him, but wouldn't want to select any schooling options to fulfill MY needs.

To the OP I would offer a few ideas - the first is that you are in the earliest phases of having a child in school - think about the huge adjustment when you have a newborn - if this is your first year with a child in school it is pretty early to expect yourself to be totally used to it. Don't be so hard on yourself.

The second is that despite having mothering still be your ft focus - I think the pp comment about doing things that had been on hold was pretty broad and could easily encompass things that you could do while you dd is at school. You aren't ready to return to work --- what about other things you have always wanted to do? Paint a room, learn to knit, get all the pictures in albums, read the classics, take a yoga class, learn to tap dance, etc. etc. etc. I for one, have been doing the rowing machine and watching DVDS of Sex in the City while ds2 is taking his nap

Finally, I might try to get involved in a nonparent focused social activity during the day. It might make you feel less lonely to do something social that doesn't make you miss your dd. A bookclub at the library? A quilting circle? An art class? Not instead of the PTA circle but as an added social outlet for you.

You are not alone. It is really difficult to have them gone during the day. I sometimes feel like my kids developmental phases go quicker than mine.

HTH
BJ
Barney & Ben

[LdyBluNH@aol]

i did want to state for the record that any considerations i give to homeschooling aren't based on simply having someone home with me

i think there can be a huge difference in the quality of education and that i can definitely provide more for her than "the system" and more field trips and that if we ever move to that it's based on rational thinking (and the fact that kids get demerited when they cant find their marker at school which just drives me NUTS!!!!)

[lab]

Hi!

I've been a stay at home mom for about 11 years now. Since my kids are in the 2nd, 4th and 6th grade, I am an empty nester!

I swear I'm busier now than if I had a job. It was really hard at first. Honestly, I cried every morning when 'the baby' started. I still get weepy and nervous on the first day of school and miss them all horribly while they are gone.

But I do volunteer a lot. Obviously, with three kids, volunteering can keep me busy. I'm also on the PTSO Board.

I'm able to get all sorts of errands completed during the day. Which opens me up for activities, homework, games etc later on in the day with the kids.

A pp poster mentioned a nonparent social activity! I do that! I have made great friends with the mothers of my 6th graders peers. We've all been through a lot together and now meet weekly for lunch. There is about 9 of us. This is a wonderful opportunity for me to stay current and 'keep my ear to the ground'. We also bounce parenting strategies off of one another. PLUS! We went out of town together in November for girl's weekend.

In the beginning of my empty nesting - I made projects for myself to complete. I found that to be necessary in order to keep myself from pacing and counting the minutes to pick up my kids. I organized all my pictures. Re-arranged the kitchen drawers and cleaned out cabinets. I went through closets, toys etc and thinned out where needed. I painted the foyer and my bedroom. Oh! I went through the kids baby books and wrote them letters. That was fun.

HTH

Good luck getting acclimated.

[Itlbokay]

Terri, I feel very much the same as you have described

I miss a lot of things that school has changed. Sendinging kids to school feels unnatural to me too (as jannjoe posted.)

Our mornings are rushed, because of school. Our evenings are shortened, because of school. The weekends go by so fast, and then it's back to school.

Our 8 year old (and youngest) told me a few Sundays ago how much he disliked Sunday, that he would wake up and know school was coming the next day and it made him feel sad inside. I knew exactly the feeling he was talking about, I remember dreading Sundays too.

Maybe I would miss them less, and they wouldn't mind going to school as much, if they learned more while they were there. Our 11 yr old spends a lot of his day waiting on others to "get" material he "got" pretty quickly, as does our 8 yr old.

There is also the unfortunate behavior of some of the other students. I won't start on with all of the things our boys have come home and told us that this one did, or that one said, but it sure can be disheartening at times.

Of course, there are positive things about their school, and I do volunteer for things as much as I can. There are some great teachers, great kids and, at times, great activities going on.

For the most part though, we could definitely cover a lot more ground in a school year, and more on their level, than they do now. I supplement at home, when they want to, but for the most part they are so wiped out from their long day at school, and they just want to decompress. If I ever get up the courage, I may pull them out and homeschool them, I would like to at least give it a try. Then, they could get their work done and be able to do a lot more of the extracurricular things that they would like to do, but are too tired to do after school. Getting to sleep in on mornings when they are tired sure would be nice too!

[LdyBluNH@aol]

sounds like what you want and what your kids (or at least one of them) wants is the same thing so you can move into homeschooling if you wish. it sounds akin to eating an elephant but its really not : )


i think my daughter gets a little torn sometimes. she LOVES her friends at school and having them and its never ending stimulation -- kinda like having 25,000,000,000 tv stations once in a while she really hates all the "have to's" of going to school and the time crunch we always have. she has vaca coming up and i'm so thrilled that i want to just pack in ten thousand different trips but that's going to feel like life on a treadmill so i have to rein it in a bit