teenage boys & bf'ing

[aisraeltax]

i have x-posted this in bf'ing but thought i may get more responses here....

i am pretty open about bf;ing and have nip a few times since Ethan was born (early Jan.) but i am having a delimma w/ my 15 yo and his friends. my 15 yo is fine, but he has a ton of friends over and sometimes i am not in the position to cover myself up, etc. I really don't care myself but these are my concerns and im wondering what you mamas w/ teenage friends over do while bfing. my concerns are: 1. it makes my teenage son uncomfortable if one of his friends sees my breast (i dont go out of my way for this to happen and try to prevent it); 2. i don't want any calls from other parents criticizing me for allowing their sons to see my boobs.
so, my question is, if you were in my situation, or if you have been in the past, wwyd??
tia,
rach

[spin462002]

I personally would not feel comfortable b'fing in front of teenage boys, however discreet I may be. You could keep a scarf handy to cover yourself and the baby or just talk to your son and ask him to not hang around with his friends when you are feeding.Or you could always say generally "not now guys, you are distracting ....." and make it about the baby, not them.
Explain this tactic to your son so he is not put in an awkward position.

I would not have been comfortable knowing my son was being put into that situation at his friends house, so I am sure the other parents would appreciate your discretion too. Boys are full of testosterone, many do not have memories of siblings being breastfed, so a breast is just a breast to most of them, a sexual object. Thankfully your own son has the advantage there!

Using a simple strategy can avoid embarrassment and maintain a respectful attitude towards you.

all the best
L

[TiredX2]

Hmmm, I feel a bit differently about it.

When DD was born, BIL was 17 and I happily nursed in front of him and his friends (teen guys). And you know what? He (BIL) became a vocal advocate of Bfeeding & NIP.

IMO, if we want nursing to be accepted as "normal" we need to treat it like it is. I think that, in a lot of ways, teens are more accepting than adults and if you can demonstrate the ease of nursing *now*, think of how supportive and accepting will be when it is their wife/girlfriend deciding to nurse.

[katebleu]

Originally Posted by TiredX2

IMO, if we want nursing to be accepted as "normal" we need to treat it like it is. I think that, in a lot of ways, teens are more accepting than adults and if you can demonstrate the ease of nursing *now*, think of how supportive and accepting will be when it is their wife/girlfriend deciding to nurse.

i totally agree.

[agcj]

maybe ask parents

I would try to be discreet, but I think they should be exposed to a baby being breastfed. Otherwise, all they see are Hooters and playboy. Another thought, many of these boys may have been breastfed. They may be less likely to think of breasts as only sex objects. They may not feel negatively about it. Have you thought of calling parents and letting them know your delima? Sometimes it helps to sound parents out. Maybe it is differnt with older teens, though- and boys. My daughter is a young teen. I bf infront of her friends- all girls and mostly breastfed, themselves. However, I use a wrap baby carrier often, though, so often no one really can see what I am doing.

One more thing, They might think of a 16-year-old's boobs as sex objects, but would they really think of a 30 or 40 something mother's breasts as sex objects? Doubtful! Most likely, they will just think, uggh- that old person must have had sex at least twice-uggh .

[LizaBear]

I haven't really thought about it - I've nursed both of my kids in front of my teen-age BIL without comment from him or my ILs. I don't see any reason why I shouldn't.

[JennieYoung44]

Intruiging...
I have to say, I have been bfing for 4 years now (3 boys) and nip all the time. And I am always a bit more uncomfortable around my nephews: pre-teen, and full-teenage boys. But, I do it anyway. For the reasons already mentioned. If I treat it normal, they will see it normal, and down the road, treat it normal themselves. I do be extra discreet around them though. If I'm going to nurse and they are in the room I simply say, I'm going to nurse the baby now. That way, they can leave if they want.
But I also have to say in general, there are some people I just don't nurse around because of sexual-comfort issues.

[spin462002]

I think if you read the original post you will see what the issue is. This teenage boy is embarrassed and feels awkward when his friends see his mother's breasts.
Breastfeeding should never be an issue with siblings or close family members. (which it isn't with this boy) It is natural and healthy and the best for the baby. No one has suggested this is not the case.

As an older mom, with a 25 year old married son, I can assure you ladies that teenage boys are full of testosterone and they don't care how old the woman behind the breast is! If you are still having babies, you are young enough to have interesting breasts! I am certainly not talking about siblings or close family members! I am referring to the situation above. Covering yourself while feeding to preserve your modesty and avoid anyone being embarrased is still setting a good example of mothering and caring for your baby. (and your big boy too)

As for breastfeeding in front of girls, that is oh so different. Girls are not usually sexually stimulated by the sight of a breastfeeding baby. Their brains are not usually wired that way. They are usually curious and interested and eager to see what happens and that's the way it should be. I remember following my aunt's when they went into the bedroom to feed their babies (it was the 60's and I was around 5/6) and watching with great interest and fascination. I thought it was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen, and I still do!

I extensively breastfed my four children, the younger two until they were five years old. My son was the eldest and was 13 when his youngest sister was born. He accepted breastfeeding as the norm and has been a great encouragement to his wife in the last four years, especially in the challenging early days with their first baby. Their children are 4 and 1 now, the younger one still breastfeeding although mom works full time and dad is at home with the children now.

If you have a close relationship with a teenage boy, of course feed in front of him. If your son is embarrased when his friends are around, maybe you need to consider his feelings and modify your behaviour. The baby gets fed either way, which is not negotiable of course!

Lynn

[agcj]

I misread the post then. Of course the boy is embarrassed- I thought mama felt uncomfortalbe. Kids that age often feel embarrassed of their parents. I don't have a son that age, so I don't know about attraction to older women- maybe so.

[katebleu]

Originally Posted by agcj

I misread the post then. Of course the boy is embarrassed- I thought mama felt uncomfortalbe. Kids that age often feel embarrassed of their parents. I don't have a son that age, so I don't know about attraction to older women- maybe so.

i misread the OP too. but i also agree that at 15 mom causing embarrassment is going to happen even without bf-ing. mom just having a baby at all is pointing out in an uncomfortable way that parents have sex. that's embarrassing.

i would have a frank talk with my son about bf-ing, the advantages. find out ways that both mom and teen can feel more comfortable.

[agcj]

WhaT ABOUT A wrap

I just thought of something although I do not know if it would work for you, but Have you thought of using a baby carrier for nursing (if it works for you). It would not always work because sometimes you are nursing when the boys walk in, but I use a wrap baby carrier, and I nurse at stores, at Disney world, while walking, all sorts of things, and NOBODY KNOWS WHAT i AM DOING. We nurse in the wrap and people actually walk up and ask to see my sleeping baby (sometimes they start to reach for the material). When I tell them he is nursing, they pull back very quickly and are surprised! Here is a picture. You can get instructions for nursing in a wrap carrier and for making your own out of homespun, cotton crinkle gauze or hemp/cotton jersey from http://www.wearyourbaby.com (http://www.mamatoto.org)
http://i19.photobucket.com/albums/b1...398_edited.jpg

It takes some learning, but it is very worth it.
Good luck

[Ruthla]

Originally Posted by TiredX2

IMO, if we want nursing to be accepted as "normal" we need to treat it like it is. I think that, in a lot of ways, teens are more accepting than adults and if you can demonstrate the ease of nursing *now*, think of how supportive and accepting will be when it is their wife/girlfriend deciding to nurse.

ITA!!!!

Nobody is "wired" to think of breasts sexually- it's learned. Yes, men are "wired" to be more visually stimulated than women are, which IMO makes it even more important for them to view BF as "normal" and "non sexual."

Originally Posted by spin462002

I would not have been comfortable knowing my son was being put into that situation at his friends house, so I am sure the other parents would appreciate your discretion too. Boys are full of testosterone, many do not have memories of siblings being breastfed, so a breast is just a breast to most of them, a sexual object. Thankfully your own son has the advantage there!

I'm saddened that you think this way- that the OP's DS' friends are "being put into that situation." There's nothing shameful about nursing a baby, no matter who's in the room!

[lilyka]

I was a youth pastor when I had my second child. Almost all my kids were boys. I felt it important to use discresion. both for thier sake and for mine (I so didn't want calls from parents.) I would nurse openly in front ofthe girls no problems but made sure to be as discreet as possible around the boys.

if you knew ds would be bringing a crew home i would just have a blanket handy for quick cover before you sat down to nurse. for example if you are sitting down right before he usually walks in.

at the same tim I wouldn't worry about it too much unless someone complained.

[Mallory]

The kids in my family are 27, 26, 13, 10. So when #3 was born my brother and I were 13 and 14 and when #4 was born my brother and I were 16 and 17.

We had friends over all the time, and while my mom wasn't especially blatant about it, she also didn't hide in the bedroom or under a blanket.

When my kids were born, my BIL and SIL were teens and I didn't cover up around them (we even lived with them for a while).

I think it is important not to make a big deal about it. I know lots of women use a blanket to cover up, but I am never going to and if I only did around teenage boys then I would think that would be making a big deal about it.

I hope that if my boys ever see an infant sitting in thier moms lap eating it is from her breasts, I would be much sadder if they were in a situation where a baby was only fed formula.

[aisraeltax]

i have tried bf'ing in a wrap but havent mastered it yet.

[agcj]

It takes time to learn how to use one. It took me a while before wrapping felt not frustrating. I practiced with a stuffed animal, at first. I just wanted to let you know about it just in case because the wrap is what I use when I am in a situation where I don't know how people will react to breastfeeding. Of course, I also use it so I can eat during baby's growth spurts. I did not discover it until my 3rd baby, and it has changed my bf life. Where are you? Your state might have a babywearing group with meetings that can help.
Here in Washington, we have a big one. Feel free to pm me.
Hugs

[mothragirl]

if they get too nervous around you just squirt them with breastmilk, that always breaks the tension
(j/k)

i would take this as an excellent opportunity to educate them about the real purpose of breasts.

[ErikaDP]

Originally Posted by TiredX2

Hmmm, I feel a bit differently about it.

When DD was born, BIL was 17 and I happily nursed in front of him and his friends (teen guys). And you know what? He (BIL) became a vocal advocate of Bfeeding & NIP.

IMO, if we want nursing to be accepted as "normal" we need to treat it like it is. I think that, in a lot of ways, teens are more accepting than adults and if you can demonstrate the ease of nursing *now*, think of how supportive and accepting will be when it is their wife/girlfriend deciding to nurse.

I completely agree with you too TiredX2.
And I have a story to tell that is a little OT but relevant.
I was in the car with my 20 year DS. We were listening to a radio program where two guests were talking about the war in Iraq and how there are mothers of young infants in Iraq while their babies are left behind with relatives.
One of the guests said that some of the babies were as young as 4 months old but that their mothers had made a commitment and that he thought that it should be honored. The other guest argued that to separate a young infant from it's mother was very wrong.
At that point my son reached over and turned off the radio. He was very upset. I asked him what was bothering him and he said that the radio station had gone too far. He said that there couldn't possibly mothers of young infants in Iraq. He said that the war was wrong, but the way to change things there is through telling the truth about it. Not by making up terrible stories. I told him of course there were mothers leaving young babies stateside, in fact that there are some families where both parents are in Iraq.
He looked so confused. And then he said again that there couldn't be mothers with young babies in Iraq because the young babies would starve without their mother's milk.
I looked at him stunned. And then I told him that there are companies that make baby formula for infants who's mothers can't breastfeed. At first, his face was filled with disbelief. And then he was amazed by that fact.
And that's when it dawned on me, he had never seen a young baby in real life being bottle fed. It just wasn't in his collected experience. Not by his friends mothers, not any of my friends, not any of our family. For him, breastfeeding was the only option!
Isn't that great? I was so proud of the way he feels about breastfeeding!
It affirmed for me that we can raise sons as well as daughters to see breastfeeding as the norm!

Take Care,
Erika :
"Do not follow where the path may lead. Go instead where there is no path and leave a trail..."
"Knowledge without compassion is useless"-SCW
"I am learning all the time, the tombstone will be my diploma"- Eartha Kitt

[agcj]

ErickaDP What a wonderful story.

[Chicky2]

Originally Posted by Ruthla

Nobody is "wired" to think of breasts sexually- it's learned.

Recently I watched a documentary on Showtime (wish I could remember the name!) about breasts. It had a whole section about the fact that the U.S. is one of the VERY few societies in this world who look at breasts as a sexual 'fun toy'. Just thought I'd throw that in.

I will nurse my babies anywhere, in front of anyone, at any time. I hope the world sees and learns!