or Connect
Mothering › Mothering Forums › Childhood and Beyond › Preteens and Teens › teenage boys & bf'ing
New Posts  All Forums:Forum Nav:

teenage boys & bf'ing - Page 2

post #21 of 48
I fed dd in front of my son's friends without any nrevousness or embarrassment. My son is a pre teen at 12.5 but I will also feed this child we are expecting and friends round or not he or she will be fed and not in hiding either.

I bf him and his brother and they are upset when they see other mums with bottles and think its not 'right' they are both bf advocates in their own way 'Oh yeah my mum did/does that/fed us' or 'Your baby brother's getting boob isn't he?' We haved several friends who are currently bf babies witholder siblings around and it hasn't been an issue.

ITA with the pps who say that we need to show the world what is normal - both at home and in public. I am not ashamed to do that in any way I can becuase it is acknowledged that women with supportive partners are more likely to bf and bf for longer. Our boys are the partners of the future and I don't want to see my grandchildren being fed formula.
post #22 of 48
Originally Posted by orangefoot
ITA with the pps who say that we need to show the world what is normal - both at home and in public. I am not ashamed to do that in any way I can because it is acknowledged that women with supportive partners are more likely to bf and bf for longer. Our boys are the partners of the future and I don't want to see my grandchildren being fed formula.
Thank you Orangefoot for stating so clearly in your post why it is so important for our sons to see breastfeeding as normal. For I too want my grandchildren to be breastfed.
Originally Posted by Chicky2
Recently I watched a documentary on Showtime (wish I could remember the name!) about breasts. It had a whole section about the fact that the U.S. is one of the VERY few societies in this world who look at breasts as a sexual 'fun toy'. Just thought I'd throw that in.
And Chicky2,
If you ever find out the name of the documentary that you saw on Showtime, can you please post it here? I would love to see it.

Take Care,
Erika :
"Do not follow where the path may lead. Go instead where there is no path and leave a trail..."
"Knowledge without compassion is useless"-SCW
"I am learning all the time, the tombstone will be my diploma"- Eartha Kitt
post #23 of 48
My kids are 17, almost 11, 8 and 2. My 17 yr old ds was almost 15 when his littlest sister was born. I have nursed her, and continue to nurse her whenever needed regardless of who's visiting. We don't make a big deal about breastfeeding around here - it's just the way the babies eats and the toddlers get comforted and connected to mom, and that's just how it is. Now, I wouldn't take my shirt off around ds's friends, but I don't make an effort to be extra discrete either. I also don't make any announcements. In my experience, many teens don't even realize I'm nursing, and if they do, if I'm calm about it, they usually are, too.
It helps that my ds is pretty unselfconscious about the whole thing, too. He is very non-chalant about his sister's nursing and was kind of shocked that some of his friends didn't feel the same. All his friends are used to it now, and don't bat an eye, either. I don't restrict visitors or hide when dd wants to nurse. I've nursed while playing board games with teenagers, or talking about school, or cooking together (although, honestly at her age I mostly nurse her sitting down because she's just too long and too heavy to multitask much with anymore!)
If it did bother ds, I would probably talk to him and try to get him to see that his own embarrassment makes it more of a big deal than if he was just casual about it. You know "Don't go in there, mom's nursing the baby!" makes a big deal out of it, instead of just nursing the baby without comment wherever you need to.
I also, wouldn't think a thing of him being at another nursing mom's house, and wouldn't see it as any kind of "situation." I don't think my ds or any of his friends are the least bit "turned on" by my breastfeeding. I don't think they find the idea of breastfeeding, especially when looking at my old self snuggling a hungry baby as anything sexual. If anything, they are initially a little stunned since some have been conditioned to think of it as a private thing, but when they see how unconcerned I am, they usually lighten right up. Several of ds's friends have felt comfortable to ask me questions and make supportive-type comments, too. My lactivist ds has actually sort of enjoyed selling his friends on the "breast is best" concept. He was initially horrified to find out that his girlfriend didn't intend to ever breastfeed, and he came back and forth to me multiple times for good selling points and comebacks to use in their discussions, finally reporting to me with satisfaction that she said she'd at least try when she has a baby some day (which better be hundreds of years down the road!) I wasn't sure I wanted my baby talking to some girl about how she was going to feed her own babies, but there you go. . .
I totally agree with a PP who said if we want breastfeeding to be the norm, we have to act like it is the norm.
post #24 of 48

ErikaDP....here ya go! I *really* enjoyed it!

edited to add link...

Look! It's going to come on this week!

post #25 of 48
My sister is a teenager and often at my house. I nurse DD in front of her boyfriend and her guy friends, although I am much more discreet when they are around. It has been very interesting to watch her boyfriend, who was intially very uncomfortable, learn about the benifits of breastfeeding and become an advocate for breastfeeding. My sister had listened to 9 months of my soap box preaching about breastfeeding and knew that it was important to me. One day, shortly before her BF was due at my house, she asked if I was going to keep nursing. I simply said Yes, but I'll cover her up if YOU want. And she did, so I did. But I stayed in the living room and carried on a normal conversation. After several months we dropped the blanket... I agree that you need to be respectful of the 15 yo feelings but you also need to establish breastfeeding as a norm and not a hush-hush thing. A few weeks ago, my sister mentioned to me how "weird" it was that our family friend doesn't nurse in front of any of us (she always leaves the room). She was so use to me and my friends NIP that she didn't understand why anyone would leave. This from the girl who thought she would DIE when I nursed in front of her boyfriend. Good luck!
post #26 of 48
My brother(18) moved in with me shortly after dd was born, I nursed in front of him...even pumped with him in the room, but he never brought over male friends, I probably would have nursed in front of them too, if anyone was uncomfortable...THEY could go elsewhere...jmo.
post #27 of 48
I'm 17 and DP recently turned 18, so a lot of our friends are teenagers and a lot are boys.
I NIP whenever DS is hungry, I nurse him around whoever. I really don't mind and I think if I appear comfortable and at ease about it, so will others (for the most part! you know how some people are!). It's normal, it's natural and my baby is hungry.
It's interesting b/c our guy friends have never minded so much, but my best friend who moved to Philly while I was pregnant came to visit her dad in May and I went to see her and her dad at her house. DS got hungry adn Iw as about to feed him when she said "NO! WAIT! Let me get you a towel to cover up with!" and ran upstairs, got a towel for me to cover up with. She looked at our other friend and said "That always makes me SO uncomfortable!" I was kind of shocked.
post #28 of 48
Thread Starter 
the reason that i posted this question in the first place is because i have feelings similar to EVERY response on here.
i dont feel like i should be less comfortable in my own home when bf'ing than i am in public
i do want to be a part of advocating bf'ing, esp. to young boys
i want to respect my son's feelings
i don't want my son to have friends not be comfortable coming over

i think i need to have another discussion w/ my son re: this and explain to him why we should not be overly cautious of bf'ing.

thanks everyone
post #29 of 48
Originally Posted by Chicky2

ErikaDP....here ya go! I *really* enjoyed it!

edited to add link...

Look! It's going to come on this week!

Thanks Chicky2!

Take Care,
Erika :
"Do not follow where the path may lead. Go instead where there is no path and leave a trail..."
"Knowledge without compassion is useless"-SCW
"I am learning all the time, the tombstone will be my diploma"- Eartha Kitt
post #30 of 48
My dh's two best friends are over at our house all the time so I have nursed in front of them. (ETA: they are both about 6 or 7 years younger than me which makes it somewhat similar to the op. Neither is at the stage of life where they are thinking about babies) And I think they were a little uncomfortable but they've never asked me to stop. (not that i would've) And honestly sometimes I feel a little uncomfortable, but i think it's sort of my job to advocate for the rightness and appropriateness of bfing. So I just make myself do it. And they have just gotten used to it. They have asked some questions and I've answered and maybe they'll be supportive husbands ne day!

Like many people here i haven't gone out of my way to be modest nor have I gone out of my way to flaunt what I'm doing. Although over time (ds is 4 mos. ) I have gotten better at being discreet easily. I have had people ask to see the baby not realizing i was feeding him.
post #31 of 48
I have just gone on as usual with my breastfeeding when my DS's teenage friends are over. The only thing I do different is I make sure I have a shirt on lol! When it is just the fam I am topless alot, when DS is going to have his friends over I make sure I am dressed. But I will nurse in front of them. Although usually I just stay in another room because I don't really like hanging out with 13 year old boys, but if we are in the same room I have no problem breastfeeding in front of them.

If my son told me this bothered him or one of his friends I would be sensitive to that and make sure I left the room to breastfeed. But so far no one has seemed to care.

I like them to see that bf is normal and not sexual. I think it's good for them so unless someone is uncomfortable with it, I'm not going to act like there is anything wrong with it, yk?
post #32 of 48
My son is 12 and my nursling just turned three. My approach to this situation was that if I was in my home, I would nurse how and where I wanted - if one of his preteen or teen friends saw my breast, well, I'm nursing, suck it up. If I was somewhere that was focused on the preteen/teen boys (like my son's Boy Scout meetings), I would nurse, but usually face away from the boys (like sit on a bench behind them facing the otherway...
Places like Burger King, etc, I nursed - discreetly, I guess - I mean, I didn't wave my breasts at anyone or squirt anyone *lol* but never "covered up" or anything like that - anyone who didn't want to see needed to look somewhere else!
post #33 of 48
I have a 16 year old and a 12 year old so I know just what you are talking about. I think it's important that kids this age seeing nursing as normal and natural but I also don't want to make my sons feel uncomfortable. I'm not going to change my habits or go into another room and my sons know this. My 12 year old could care less actually, he's a total lactivist. But my older one is more worried about his friends getting a glimpse of my boobage. What has worked for us is this - my son will come into the room first - if he notices I am nursing he will walk back and say to his friends, "My mom is nursing the baby to sleep right now so we'll come back later." It works for him and at least his friends know that I'm nursing and that it's normal.
post #34 of 48
I had to think about this a bit before I answered. When my now 4yo was an infant I nursed her everywhere (church, cub scout meetings, school board meetings, well, you get the idea) I was always very discreet and no one could usually even tell I was nursing. I got a lot of comments on what a beautiful shawl I had (it was my maya wrap ) My youngest is only 2 months and a preemie so we haven't really been taking her out - so no nip yet except at the doctors office. I have 2 teens and when they have brought friends over (only a few times since the new babe) I keep nursing but more discretely. If it's just my family or even neices and nephews (even teenage nephews) I'm not as careful. My sister nursed my her youngest till he was 4 so my nephews are used to it just as my kids are
post #35 of 48
I have so been in your situation, LOL (Just look at the age of my kids in my siggy)

And yes my BFing made my teen son uncomfortable and yes I respected that. I may have insisted not too (because I do not see anything wrong with BFing in public at all, but then I do not see anything wrong with many things that would make other people uncomfortable - like nude beaches for example) IF I had to go through great inconvenience to cover up or go to another room.

But 1) it was not hard for me to do 2) DS usualy would tell his friends "Mom is breastfeeding in this room" and they will not enter (on his/their own accord)
post #36 of 48
I was 13 when my sisters were born and my mum would breastfeed infront of my friends and their parents (they were all girls for the record). I had no problem with it, but I remember when one of my other friends (a boy), who knew my mum was breastfeeding said to me "wouldn't it be embarrassing if you walked in your mum and she was feeding". This sparked a lengthy lecture from me on how it was normal adding that Miranda and Katy had seen my mum feed and didn't have problems with it.
That summer my cousin who was 2 at the time started breastfeeding her toy bunny rabbit because she had seen her aunt do it.
My mum still breastfeeds when my sisters want it (they're 2 on sunday) and if any of my friends have a problem its their fault for looking.
post #37 of 48
Man, can I relate to this issue! DS1 was eleven when dd was born and he never had a problem then. He knew he had been bf as had his cousin. My exinlaws use to make a fuss about it, one time a cousin was over and had to borrow the guest bedroom to bf and ds wanted to go in and get a toy (he was like eight then) and was told no, he asked why and was told cuz she was feeding the baby to which ds said SO? and was told, "she doesnt bottle feed" (they wouldnt even use the word breast) to which ds again replied, "so?"

Anyway, I was made uncomfortable by one of his friends once, he was jsut waaaay to interestedin my boob,not the baby or the breastfeeding, myboob. But mostly I consier myself here to educate, lol, dh's young nephews and cousins have had such reactions as, "THE BABYS EATING YOUR BOOB" and "ON NO<SHES BITING YOU".

But ds1 was 13 when ds2 came along and before he will even invite a friend over he asks if Im bf. It annoyed the hell out of me at first, but now, tandem nursing, I gotta tell you, there is no discreet, I have a one and three year old who will kick off any covers and shove up my shirt, and ds2 wont stay latched on, he likes to look around, so Im often totally exposed.

When ds1 has friends over, I either go into my bedroom or thiers (dd adn ds2 that is, not ds1) OR, in the evenings, I stay in the livingroom and ds1 will check and either I will attempt to cover up as they come through, or they go out the back. Its not secret, but I try not to flash all his buddies. To be honest, I was never uncomfortable nursing one infront of god and everybody, but I feel a bit more exposed nursing two at the same time.
post #38 of 48
Dss is 11. I nurse where ever in the house and around his friends and if he feels weird, he can reroute his friends into another room. I nurse anywhere EXCEPT around my students (small town, see them everywhere). For some reason, I am ok with dss, his friends, other teachers at a staff meeeting,the whole town in general, but not my 7/8th grade students. I just don't want to be branded as the teacher who showed her boobs.
post #39 of 48

hmm story about neighbor

my neighbor recently came over to apologize because her DS popped off at the playground and every boy (including mine) in the neighborhood got a look at her boobs. now mind you she has the largest boobs in the neighborhood and they all (most under 8) stared probably because of size. now the playground on our court is surrounded by the houses and there is at least 1 teenage boy in the neighborhood that i know of who could have seen. she had come charging out of her house because some kid was hollering for help and she was sorting out what the hollering was about (none of the kids involved were hers, so i'm just thankful she cared enough to check) and she didn't notice her shirt was hiked up or her DS son was watching the show. she was worried that people would think she was some kind of pervert flashing all the neighborhood kids and was trying to head of malicious gossip. it made me sad to think that anyone would even care, considering what she was doing. i will say that the response of most people i talked to was laughter and poor thing, we know she's not a pervert. but at least one was worried that the teen (not hers) might have seen. we shouted her down but still. i think she's wrong. how are boys supposed to learn to be decent dads unless we show them things like breastfeeding? i wouldn't shove it in his face (and i don't think you are or would) but i certainly wouldn't hide it or warn anyone about it either and i would deliberately try to set up opportunities for dialogue
post #40 of 48
Originally Posted by aisraeltax
i have x-posted this in bf'ing but thought i may get more responses here....

i am pretty open about bf;ing and have nip a few times since Ethan was born (early Jan.) but i am having a delimma w/ my 15 yo and his friends. my 15 yo is fine, but he has a ton of friends over and sometimes i am not in the position to cover myself up, etc. I really don't care myself but these are my concerns and im wondering what you mamas w/ teenage friends over do while bfing. my concerns are: 1. it makes my teenage son uncomfortable if one of his friends sees my breast (i dont go out of my way for this to happen and try to prevent it); 2. i don't want any calls from other parents criticizing me for allowing their sons to see my boobs.
so, my question is, if you were in my situation, or if you have been in the past, wwyd??
I am about to go to bed so I haven't read the entire thread, but I wanted to respond to this.

My husband used to work with teenagers, and I often volunteered at his agency, stopped by to have dinner with him, and otherwise was around when the teenagers were there. I breastfed our son around them, and they were very mature about it. I used to wonder if maybe I would get in trouble for it, and I used to tease dh and say "I DARE one of their parents to complain about my bf'ing." However, no one ever did, and those teenagers were WAY more mature about it than many adults. One of my dh's responsibilities as an "at-risk youth" counselor was to model appropriate behavior. What is more appropriate than being a supportive partner in parenting, right?

Anyway, I guess my point is that it seems like you have a teachable moment here. I would just tell my son that we are a breastfeeding household, and anyone who is uncomfortable with that needs to decide for himself whether or not that means they need to not come over, or be around me when I am breastfeeding. I certainly should not be expected to curtail my daily activities because other adults (or in this case, teenagers) may feel weird about breastfeeding. I think this is a great lesson for a teenager (or anyone) to learn. You may find your son is a budding lactivist among his friends.
New Posts  All Forums:Forum Nav:
  Return Home
  Back to Forum: Preteens and Teens
Mothering › Mothering Forums › Childhood and Beyond › Preteens and Teens › teenage boys & bf'ing