From p18 of Dr. Sears The Discipline Book
"Responding to your baby's cries is discipline 101. When your baby cries, pick him up and comfort him. Don't waste time wondering, "should I pick him up?" Just do it. A baby's cry is his language - listen to it! A baby's cry is designed to ensure tht his needs for food, holding, rest, and social interaction are met. Responding to your baby's cries is your first exercise in teaching your baby to trust you. We do not mean to imply that it is your job to make your baby stop crying. Only a baby can do that. It is
your job to help him stop crying. Yet there will be times that your baby does keep crying because even your holding him or feeding him doesn't help,and you'll have some research to do. The difference is he's not being left to cryalone. You continue to hold, rock, bounce, jiggle, take a walk outside - do whatever it takes to help him. Just being with him helps, and you'll learn as you go. The cry is baby's first communication tool. Listen to it."
p.19 goes on to say " Teach your baby to cry better. Responding to a baby's cries is not only good for the baby and the parents, its also good for the relationship." He then writes about how responding to the baby's cries help mellow the ear-shattering cries that they first do. "Babies whose early cries receive a nurturant response learn to cry better - their cries are mellow and do not take on a more disturbing quality. The ultimate in crying sensitivity happens when you become so fine-tuned to your baby's body language that you read and respond to the precry signal and intervene before crying is necessary
. A very attached and nurtarant mother who was well on her way to becoming a good disciplinarian told us, "My baby seldom cries. She does not need to." p.20
|What cry research tells us. Researchers Sylvia Bell and Mary Ainsworth performed studies in the 1970's that should have put the spoiling theory on the shelf to spoil forever. (It is interesting that up to that time and even to this day, the infant development writers that preached the cry-it-out advice were nearly always male. It took female researchers to begin to set things straight.) These researchers studied two groups of mother-infant pairs. Group 1 mothers gave a prompt and nurturant response to their infant's cries. Group 2 mothers were more restrained in their response. They found that children in Group 1 whose mothers had given an early and more nurturant response were less likely to use crying as a means of communication at one year of age. These children seemed more securely attached to their mothers and had developed better communicative skills, becoming less whiny and manipulative.
I know you are not referring to cry it out but I think this quote is good for making the point that a nurturant response to crying leads to less crying.
Peggy does talk about what she calls the The Crying in arms approach
. This must be what you are talking about.
|To implement the crying-in-arms approach, the first thing to do when your baby cries is to look for all possible needs. When all immediate needs are filled and your baby is still crying, even though you are holding her lovingly in your arms, a helpful response is to continue holding her while trying to relax. This is not the time to continue searching frantically for one remedy after another to stop the crying. Take your baby to a peaceful room and hold her calmly in a position that is comfortable for both of you. Look into her eyes and talk to her gently and reassuringly while expressing the deep love you have for her. Try to surrender to her need to release stress through crying, and listen respectfully to what she is “telling” you.37, 38 Your baby will probably welcome the opportunity to have a good cr
I used to go to one of those emotional release therapy
practitioners. This is one philosophy of many when it comes to psychotherapy. He drove me nuts trying to get me to cry to release my stress. I did not want to cry to release my stress. When I cry, I want a hug and some good advice. I have never cried ever in my life where I have just wanted to sit and cry and just let it go for stress relief. I respect anyone who does feel the need to do that but I do not understand how one can really and truly know for sure that their child is crying for merely the release of stress or something else. (I spent 2 years, off and on, with that counselor until I finally found one I like better. )
Peggy says in that article that you should try all the known remedies you can but not to go crazy finding solutions, just to relax and let the baby cry. I am more in the Dr. Sears camp that I believe my child's crying is a signal for help. As the mother in Dr Sears book said
|My baby seldom cries. She does not need to.