Ok, im reading my books...

[angela&avery]

and im noticing a trend. It is so easy to be gentle with my words when ive been reading, but after a couple of days I forget. I feel like I need to be reading this book all the time.. am i doomed to spend every day reading positive discipline books so that i dont lose sight of what i need to be saying? It sounds rediculous, but its true and its really hard for me to just stop myself.. i have diarrhea from the mouth, if you will......when im not in the "mode" that these books can give me. I want so much for this to come to my lips naturally.... I dont know what my problem is that it doesnt, i mean these are my children, I love them and I dont want to hurt them, but many times i say things i shouldnt or end up yelling. Its particularly hard when both children are distressed and need something at the same time. Ds seems to get overly loud and distressed during a dd crises bc he feels that (im guessing) he is being slighted, no matter what we have already done together that day... i dunno, just had to vent.

[georgia]

Angela,

For a few years, I kept a wonderful handout on "Loving Guidance" stuck on our refrigerator. I had gotten it at a LLL Conference, and it was a perfect reminder. I had no excuse not to reread it a few times every day I would still have it up, as a daily reminder, but it was lost in a move....Think I'll find something to replace it! I don't have much time anymore for books

[writermommy]

Maybe you could take the college approach on this one. Get a few index cards and make some notes. These could be main ideas that you want to remember or solutions/strategies for specific problems. Then you could refer to the note cards later, without feeling the need to reread the whole book.

[angela&avery]

yes, i may make myself some sort of cheat sheet, if you will, to look back on... i am now on Kids Are Worth It, by Barbara Coloroso... my plan is to read a whole slew of books, so I guess that will help, if i keep reading the same basic principles over and over..... , i was a bit frusterated this morning, but after today, I feel I applied my new tools quite well.

[umsami]

Originally Posted by georgia

For a few years, I kept a wonderful handout on "Loving Guidance" stuck on our refrigerator.

Hi Georgia:

Do you still have it... or have any idea where I could get a copy??

[georgia]

No, I don't have it any more My best friend might still have a copy--hers was on her fridge, too. I'll ask, and if she does, I'll get permission from the original author (she's a local LLLL), and post it. It's really wonderful!

[Mountaingirl3]

This totally happens to me, too! I do read and reread my books . . . probably once a week I read a bit of my favorite parts. I'm also always looking for new ones.

Obviously I don't have great advice since I have the same problem, but new books tend to help, so here's my list in case you haven't read some:

Positive Discipline -- Jane Nelsen
Raising Your Spirited Child -- Mary Sheedy Kurcinka
Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child -- John Gottman
Playful Parenting -- Lawrence J. Cohen
Kids are Worth it! -- Barbara Coloroso
The Happiest Toddler on the Block -- Harvey Karp
Buddhism for Mothers -- Sarah Napthali

[mamaduck]

It was/is helpful to me to write a sort of "reflection paper" on what I've read. Or at least spend some time journaling about what I've read and how I want to incorporate it into my life. It also helps to talk with my DH to articulate a specific concept that I want to hold onto. In the same way, bringing some tidbit I've learned to MDC and starting a thread about helps comitt it to memory.

[Magella]

I've had this problem too. The solution for me has been to practice being mindful, being present and aware in the moment-aware not only of what my children are doing and feeling and thinking, but aware of what I'm thinking and feeling and how my thoughts and feelings are affecting my interactions. The awareness in the moment, without judgment of my thoughts or feelings as good or bad and without judgment of my children's thoughts, feelings or actions as good or bad-just awareness of it all, is what frees me to remember the possibilities and to respond gently and naturally and helpfully.

Trying to remember what I read that sounded so good takes me away from the moment. Getting caught up in my own frustrations takes me away from the moment. Getting caught up in evaluation the goodness or badness of what's happening takes me away from the moment. If I'm not in the moment, it's very difficult to respond in a helpful way. Remaining aware and present in the moment is difficult, it's lifelong practice. This is where the reminders come in handy (like a note hanging on the refrigerator reminding me to breathe and be aware). And I do learn from reading, I do remember what I've learned and draw on those possibilities when I'm able to be aware in the moment.

Just my two cents.

[georgia]

Something that can work short-term, until you stop noticing them, is those little sticker dots like you can get at an office supply place. Placing red, or whatever color, dots around where you'll see them to represent "patience" or "will this matter in five minutes, five hours, five months, etc can remind you of whatever it is you're wanting to be reminded of. Putting them on the car's dashboard, your kitchen cabinets, telephone, bathroom mirror, etc. Kind of a personal dot-to-self

Whew, sorry that was convoluted!

[CaraboosMama]

Originally Posted by angela&avery

i am now on Kids Are Worth It, by Barbara Coloroso... .

I love that book

How about taking some quotes that really hit you & posting them up on fridge, mirror, bulletin board, etc. That way you see them throughout the day - esp. when your patience is wearing thin. I've done this w/ quotes that are meaningful to me or that I want to internalize (not just parenting related).

[Piglet68]

This happens with me, too. I've also noticed that, since I've been hanging out at DD's preschool lately, that's working as well. The teachers are extremely GD in their approach, and I find myself doing my own GD better, like it comes more quickly and easily to me. It is just so important to surround ourselves with support and information. My biggest sources of GD support are my books, my fellow MDC mama friends, and DD's preschool. When I immerse myself in either of these things, I find I have more patience, MILES more patience, and respond more readily to situations.