playtime conflicts....ARG!

[YankeeMomInVA]

I'm almost to the point where I'd rather just avoid taking my 2.5 y/o ds anywhere until he is older! I don't know what the problem is. And it's not everywhere I guess. It's only out of the home places that involve play (with or without other kids).

As soon as we step out the door and enter into some kind of play-related situation, my normally successful communication with my son is GONE.
For that very reason I had to take him out of the gym class he was taking. The screaming fits were just ridiculous.

So what the heck is it about those situations that is causing this lapse in communication and how the heck do I fix it? Leaving is the absolute worst part. I always give advanced warning of when we're going to be leaving...and I involve him in making the leaving process happen...I play games with him to make it easier (ie: "Hmm! Where did your shoes hide? Let's go find them and put them on before they run down the sidewalk...which gets him to giggle and run looking for his shoes so we can put them on). We discuss expectations before we get there (which works perfectly with stores and the library... )

But when we get into those certain situations he just shuts that line down...and I'm left with a child who screams and flails as I try to gather him up and leave since he wouldn't do it of his own volition.

I hate to impose MY will upon him like that...but there is no choice after a certain point.

Is this just a phase? Is there something else I can be doing?
PLEASE! HELP! I'd hate to prevent him from socializing over this... :

[boongirl]

Let me see if I understand the situation - your son is having a hard time leaving his play activities? Or is he having a hard time playing with others and leaving is just the worst part of it? Maybe if you could clarify, we could offer advice.

In the meantime, I have a friend who has a son (almost 3) and she swears that this book she just got has helped her with her son. She was also having a hard time talking to him and he was getting upset.

how to talk so your kids will listen and listen so your kids will talk

[Suzetta]

Have you tried not telling him ahead of time where you are going? He may be building too big of an expectation, then not knowing how to deal with all that excitement? My dd is very spirited, and I have found that taking things in stride is the best way to keep her settled. If we are doing something new, I will just tell her very low key what is going to happen, without trying to hype things up. Also, this might just be me, but I don't make a game out of getting ready to go...we just try to get ready as efficiently as possible, so as not to get her hyped up....as the saying goes, "the higher she flies, the faster she falls"

[YankeeMomInVA]

Sorry if I didn't elaborate enough... I was trying NOT to get all insanely emotional as I was typing it fresh out of today's crazy situation.

It's so hard to explain... it's just like when he gets in those play situations he loses his self-control.

Maybe I AM overpreparing him? I know since he is in the last phase of potty-learning right now that if I ask him 5 billion times if he has to pee, he gets annoyed. So maybe my build-up to the situations, no matter how well-intended, are making it worse?
I just don't know.

Like I said, though...leaving IS the worst part. He plays very well with the other kids, so that's not the issue. It is rare that I can leave a playdate or play situation without him going berzerk. In fact, any time I have to step in and "referee" for any reason, there are problems. (like if he's going into someone's personal stuff in their house and I have to lead him away).

It's almost as if he's saying, "This playdate is for ME. and I control it. " Does that make sense? Like he knows that the playground, gym, playdate is for HIM...so he reacts very badly to me trying to "interfere".
Clear as mud, right?! LOL

[robinkate]

My dd is 2.5 also. She's been cooperative mostly about leaving places, but has many tantrums about other things. If there is something in particular she keeps getting stuck on, I try to work it into our play, some time when we're both at home and in a good mood. Maybe try acting out with stuffed animals a scene where one animal won't leave the park, or tell a story about a little boy who wouldn't leave and all the things his mommy tried to do (make them as silly as possible). Or a story about a boy who could stay as long as he wanted - that way he is at least getting to imagine what it would be like.

It seems to help dd prepare herself and cope with the real thing.

HTH!